People Who Dated Adult Film Stars, Sex Workers, And Strippers Are Sharing Their Experiences, And They're Not What I Expected
Recently, we wrote about people's experiences dating members of the porn industry, and there were a lot of interesting responses. Now we're back for more from the original Reddit thread — along with a few submissions from the BuzzFeed Community. Read on to learn more about what it was like for people to date an adult film star, stripper, sex worker, or OnlyFans model.
1."He wasn't famous at the time we dated, but I urged him to pursue his obvious talents in the field, and now he is quite famous. We had some good times, but it was more of a friendship/feeling of camaraderie than a great romance. It was interesting being with a man who understood what it is like to be a sex object and have more than enough sexual options, and we bonded over that. Ironically, I never felt jealous with him, because even though he had sex with other women, it was very obvious it wasn't anything special to him and was just a job. With less experienced guys, I've felt much more insecurity."
2."An ex did some Page 3 modeling. ... I'm American and was living in the UK from 2008 to 2012 and had no idea what lad culture was. All I knew was the girl did some topless model shoots. I didn't realize that there was an army of teenagers who'd recognize her every time we were in public. ... We broke up when we realized we had different life goals that weren't compatible. We're still friends on social media. She's now doing Twitch for a living and still has a massive army of followers."
3."I'm dating a porn performer who is on OF and has a budding studio career. I'm a partially closeted man married to a woman, and he's also a man who sleeps with men (on and off camera). He's basically the ideal partner. After a year together, we have a lovely dynamic. We do a lot of fun stuff — he is fun, spontaneous, and brilliant. I'm friends with his friends, and he's met some of mine. My wife knows about him and wants to meet him eventually."
"Our chemistry has come and gone, but not for any of the normal reasons. I’m going through cancer treatment, and it’s messed with my sex drive. Through it all, he’s supported, cared for me, and been adorable.
When things are good chemistry-wise because I'm feeling healthy...it’s crazy good. I was a late bloomer to come into my sexuality, and he is an amazing and dedicated lover. He makes me feel like a stud, and he's also just patient.
... I have struggled with jealousy from time to time, but I know the feeling has been mutual at times (we are mutually non-monogamous). It’s all made easier because he is stunning. Physically. Sorry to be shallow. But he turns heads. Other gay men have fist-bumped me when we go out."
4."I started my own fetish production company in 2008, focusing on producing foot fetish and Human furniture videos. During that time, I met a perfectly lovely girl on OkCupid. We started dating and hitting it off, so I said to myself that I either have to stop making fetish porn or tell this awesome girl the truth about what I do. I opted for the bravery and told her about my side hustle. Long story short, she is now my wife and one of my BEST models!"
"She has her own OF and helped me grow and run this tiny fetish empire for the past 15 years, and we even have a podcast on the subject. It was never weird for me to date one of my models; in fact, I LOVE seeing my wife dominate other people! (I'm a bit of a cuckold.) It thrills me that other men drool over her feet over the internet."
5."I dated a very well-known sex worker/OnlyFans girl. We're talking six figures a month, cars received as gifts, traveling across the world for two weeks on all-expense vacations with wild levels of wealthy individuals. She was great 80% of the time. Twenty percent of the time you saw weird demons come out. Things like, 'Do you know what men would do in hopes of spending a night with me just talking and you were okay letting me pay for coffee when I offered? I'm a queen you should learn to never ever let me pay even if I ask that's the bare minimum I expect.'"
6."I moved to SoCal in 2005 and was really into partying and the LA scene for several years. I made friends with a few guys who worked in the industry — but in DVD distribution and similar tangential industry stuff. Through them, I went to a lot of parties where there were a lot of pornstars. I met a ton of porn stars you may remember from mainstream porn in the 2000s. I never really dated any, but I hooked up with four. Three were one-weekend stands (at the party, in a back room or bathroom), and one was a few times, including a few casual dates. They were very fun, very good in bed (not always in bed), and it was exciting to see people notice them when you were out with them. D-list celebrities for most, but a few fans would do anything to meet them — guys and girls."
"A lot of the parties were very wild. Lots of coke, Ecstasy, and drinking, which led to a lot of sex and similar. Some get-togethers were more 'normal,' like pool BBQs or NFL watch parties. But nudity (topless anyway) was very, very common. ... And of course, sex was not nearly as big of a deal to them. What I also noticed was they were either 'on' or 'off' — meaning 11 p.m. on a Friday night, everyone was looking great, talkative, dancing, etc., but midday mid-week, they were a completely different person. To an extreme, but a bit like normal people when they are socializing vs. grocery shopping. I mean, like 10/10 energy and personality vs. 0/10, if that makes sense. I'm sure drugs had something to do with it, but not everything.
Many of the ladies looked much younger in person. I was in my mid-20s and thought they were around my age or older until I met them, and many (not all) were or appeared way younger, like 19-22.
There was a lot of intra-industry dating, so you'd see fights amongst the girls and hear or see physical fights amongst the guys."
7."I am currently married to one. ... The biggest misconception people have is that she's some sort of sexual unicorn, willing to be her porn character all day long. That's not at all the case for her or any of the others I've met."
"In reality, my wife and the others I've met over the years are some of the most normal, nerdy, and fun women (not sexually fun, but personally fun) I've ever met. Many are great moms. Others love the single life and play it up. A small handful are total trash humans. But mostly, they are just normal. Mine grew up in a stable home — a law enforcement family. Her best friend asked her if she wanted to do porn, and she said yes, so they went to Miami, signed with an agent, and started shooting in 2011.
My wife, when we met, had been out of the mainstream industry for about two years after being screwed over by her agent (shocker — some porn agents are scumbags). We ran a website for her for a couple more years, but she decided she wanted to go a different way and became an artist, which has been her passion for years. She stopped making any new content in 2017. Most of it is now lost to the internet, with only her biggest scenes still easily found. She was never a household name but was listed as a hot up-and-comer for a time. I'm sure being a household name in porn is vastly different than being just a normal porn actress.
I've asked her over the last few years if she wanted to do OF, and she has no interest in making new content. But she still makes minor appearances and sells off some of her old used-on-screen outfits and stuff here and there. We actually just uncovered a purple bikini from her biggest scene.
As for our actual sex life, it's nothing unusual. The only difference is sometimes she'll ask if I want her as her or her porn character. That has led to some fun times, but honestly, I'll take my wife over her character any day. ... As with any relationship, there are ups and downs, but I'd not trade her for anything or anyone. What we have is solid.
If you're ever thinking about dating an adult film star, simply put it in perspective: it is acting. It's far more personal acting, but it's still acting. The good ones are loyal to their partner, kind, and fun."
8."I met my wife way back when I was in the military; she was onstage dancing at a strip club. Against all odds, we got into a convo about our favorite authors later – I made fun of her standard strip club patter, and she asked, 'SO, what do you want to talk about?'. We got married about three months later. She stopped dancing not long after because she literally had paid her way through college with it and had just graduated, but it never really bothered me."
"Twenty years later, we are still married. I got out of the military after five deployments, and we had two kids. She has a job in the field she went to school for, which makes about twice what I make as a designer in the civilian world.
How we handle it with the kids is that every time two characters in a movie meet in a stupid, crazy, or improbable way, I elbow the kids and say, 'You know, that's how I met your mother.' It's a running joke and has been since they were little. And one of these days, when they find out how I actually met their mother, that's the punchline, at least to me, because they are 100 percent not going to believe it.
The actual question has never really come up, so I don't have any real reason to bring it up. But my kids have the same sense of humor as I do, and we don't sugarcoat things. When they have honest questions, I just talk the whole thing out with them. It turns out that treating your children as if you are talking to an actual human being helps them grow up to be relatively well-balanced, thoughtful people without a lot of baggage about things like this.
So I'll tell them one day, I don't expect it to be much more than funny. 'I met your mother because of Earnest Hemingway and John Steinbeck and a strip club that used to let veterans in for free.' Because from my perspective, it's weird that society looked down on her for dancing naked and not hurting anybody but gave me default respect for carrying a gun on another continent."
9."I dated a girl in the industry for a few months. She was really short (5' at most). About two months into our relationship, she got a tattoo of my initials on her arm. I was a bit weirded out by that. A few weeks later, she ghosted me. A month after that, she asked if I wanted to come over to her place. And after that, we didn't talk again. It was a rollercoaster ride of a relationship. The sex wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either."
10."I briefly dated a girl who did porn and was an 'it' girl for a while. She drove a BMW and owned a condo while in college; I asked if she had a rich family, and she said, 'Just don't Google me,' so of course I did. Eventually, she figured out I knew, but I said a friend told me. She was nice. She was really emotionally damaged from the work, though. I never let it affect our relationship, and she never tried to act like we were in a porn video together. It was just a relationship. It fizzled out because we were just different people and wanted different things. I wanted to live on the West Coast for work, and she wanted to live in Tucson and start a family. Haven't talked to her in ages, but I'm sure she's doing well."
11."My first year of college, I dated a dude who I knew previously before he got into the porn scene because we went to the same high school. We started talking, and he was honest with me about him doing porn, so we established boundaries and continued dating. The first red flags were that he was constantly asking me if he could record me and so forth. I repeatedly told him no because that's just not my thing, and I have no desire to be on the internet in that capacity."
"I forget how many weeks this was into our relationship, but I got a message from a friend wanting to catch up, and I told him about my relationship. I guess word had gotten around that he was doing porn because he then asked if that was me in his recent video then. I told him no because he's never recorded me. I went onto his profile, and there I was in backshots, with the most disturbing and derogatory title. I was completely mortified and heartbroken. I had no idea he recorded me, let alone posted it. My friend tried to calm me down by saying there was little traction to the video, and nobody could tell it was me since there was no face. I was still just in shock.
I confronted him and asked why he would do such an evil thing, and his exact response was, 'I'm just hard-headed, I guess.' I told him to remove the video, and he did, but he just didn't seem to care that he completely violated me in every way. I broke it off with him and blocked him on everything. I haven't spoken to him since."
12."I was really young and from a small town. She had already gotten a world of experience after getting picked by Penthouse and doing a few years of the strip club scene. Our experience levels and lives were significantly different. I was, for sure, still finding myself. I was talking to a different girl in our astronomy class all semester. She didn't come one day, and my ex swooped in, and we changed numbers. She invited me to the club to watch her work, and I thought I was getting used for money, but she actually liked me (or just wanted to hook up, really). I went to the club and was just super impressed with her spinning on the pole. We took a bunch of drugs for a few days and ended up saying we were official."
"I think she regretted it a few days later but really tried to make it work because I was so into it. No matter what I did, I couldn't impress her; I wanted to be a perfect boyfriend.
She made a note at the start of the relationship that we would only be cool if I let her do drugs (just weed; she was high all the time) and hook up with this girl she was into, and I obliged.
I had a lot of fun and really liked her, but I was way too into it. I moved in almost immediately. In a few months, she realized it wasn't for her and started behaving way off. She broke it off and then realized she was pregnant a couple of days later. She didn't want it, so I took care of her through the abortion. She tried one more time to make it work after that, and it got messy with games back and forth to the point where we both got frustrated and said fuck this.
Every few years, we'll interact on social media. I think she's out of the industry, and she has a kid.
She's a cool chick. I kinda wish we'd catch up just so I can show her I'm not actually a dweeb; I was just super young. My behavior during that relationship still really bothers and embarrasses me."
13."I dated a girl for a few months in 2017 that tried to hide from me that she worked as a pornstar in the recent past (less than six months before I met her). I'm not gonna lie: sex was great, and she was open for anything in bed, even threesomes with some of her friends (SHE proposed this idea). A few months after our relationship started, she finally confessed that she worked in porn for around two and a half years, but she had quit the industry. I wasn't expecting this, but somehow I wasn't surprised, maybe due to her very open and kinky attitude towards sex."
"Don't get me wrong, I loved sex with her, and I don't have any problems with girls that are very open about sex, but it's definitely something unusual.
I was surprisingly OK with her old profession, especially since she was a 'retired' pornstar now. However, around the same time that she confessed this, I also found out that she was a drug user, and that was the dealbreaker for me."
14."I dated a sex worker ... for about five years. I fucked it all up, but she was the coolest, most caring, and interesting person I've known. She was way out of my league, so to speak, in pretty much every possible way. Her clients were extremely wealthy, and it was fun to taste some of that luxury when a session was over, because she still had a fancy hotel room for the night, and I'd get to stay over. It wasn't that the sex was spectacular, but she really taught me a lot about being a better partner and a better person, and I can't thank her enough for that."
15."I was in an on-again, off-again relationship with a cam girl, who also worked regularly as a sex worker and had a stint in amateur porn. We had a chance meeting in college. She didn't think much of me at first, but over time, she began to notice me in a different light. We went out a few times until, eventually, we started officially dating. That's when she started telling me about her side gigs. Now, at first, I was kind of accepting of it; I rationalized it as 'finally someone cute is paying attention to me, and she's cool, etc, so I can deal with it.'"
"It was admittedly very hard to keep those feelings of discomfort down while I realized that I wasn't exclusive to her, that I was just a placeholder. I came to find out that she had another boyfriend in another state that she'd go out and see every so often, so I was done. It was a rough breakup on both sides. Mostly mine, though. I was in a deep malaise for about a month or two when she finally messaged me and wanted to talk. She and I began to be pretty good for a while, and that's when I noticed she wasn't taking good care of herself. Her apartment was a wreck, a trend that continued almost everywhere she went. She was in multiple accidents, regularly drank and took drugs, and just fucked herself up whenever she got the chance. She distanced herself from me unless we were going to a theme park, dinner, or whatever spontaneous thing she would rope me into. Yes, I know I was being used in a lot of those situations. At the time, I didn't care. I was getting attention, and it felt good.
The contact was sparse between us. I wouldn't hear from her for months at a time most of the time. Then one night I got a phone call from her. She sounded alright but fairly down in tone. She asked how I was and what I was up to. She told me that her fiancé had just broken up with her and that she could use a distraction. At the time, I had moved and was now almost four hours away, and it was almost 11 p.m. I told her that wasn't possible, and she understood (although she sounded disappointed), and I told her to keep in touch.
I reached out to her the next day. Nothing. I tried several times over the course of a year — still nothing.
Until one day, when I checked her Facebook, it was converted into a memorial. That night that she called me was the night she died by suicide. Tragically, the timing might mean that I could've been the last person she spoke to.
Now, you might be wondering why I didn't think to check beforehand. I don't use social media often, and again, I often have long stretches between messages, so I thought nothing of it.
Of course, I sent her a FB message symbolically, telling her I'm sorry I couldn't save her. I'm alright now, although it still hurts a little bit."
16."I dated a decently well-known OF/Instagram model for a little over a year. Honestly, we clicked extremely well and had a great time together. The problem was the amount of attention she received. ... It wasn't uncommon for famous people to hit her up. And when they would, she'd always entertain it. This led to a bunch of arguments and, ultimately, breaking up. I can't deal with a partner being disloyal. The sex was amazing, though. Definitely the best I've had."
17."I dated a stripper for a couple of months two years ago who went on to become a currently well-known and successful porn star (I won't say the name, but she started in the last year and has been gaining a lot of traction). She was honestly a very cool girl, and our personalities vibed really well; the stripper thing never bothered me because it was clear that she treated it as a job and nothing more. However, being a stripper, that lifestyle obviously comes with a lot of booze and drugs, and while I'm no stranger to either, it became apparent really quickly that both were a problem for her."
"We would meet up after our shifts (I worked at a night club close by the strip club, so our schedules often synced up), and she would show up high on like three different kinds of party drugs and just completely wasted. And this would be on an average Tuesday. As far as the sex, it was honestly a little underwhelming from what I hoped for going into the relationship. Being a stripper, I expected some impressive skills, but really the only thing she did outside of the norm was that annoying porn squeal where they scream at every little thing happening…not really my jam. But anyway, I ended it after a few months when I could tell this definitely wasn't going to be a long-term situation, but since things hadn't really gotten that serious at that point, the breakup was super amicable, and we've stayed on good terms as friends since."
18."I went on a date with a pornstar, but, at the time of the date, I didn't know she was a pornstar. We talked about a bunch of stuff, but when work came up, she was standoffish in talking about it. She said she wasn't sure if she was going to stay at her current job long. She said being there was eating her up, and it made her sad to talk about it while she was trying to decide if she would stay in her industry…and I just sort of left it at that."
"We had a good time, and I went back to her VERY pink apartment. We had sex, and I remember thinking, 'This is too good. This feels professional.' But, of course, it didn't register that she actually was a professional.
The next morning, we grabbed breakfast, and I tried to ask if she was up for a second date. She said yes, but she just told me not to ask about her job and that she would tell me about it when she was ready.
A few days went by with us talking and her being 'unsure' about when she was available for our second date. The conversation was good. We replied to each other quickly, and she was just as excited to talk to me as I was to talk to her. However, when the topic of the second date came up, she was just hesitant to pick a day.
Eventually, she decided to tell me that she wasn’t ready for a relationship, and it was because she decided to stay in her industry to keep working the job she was working. I said I didn't care what her job was, and she said that she cared. It would make her feel insecure about my feelings toward her, and she didn't want to constantly have anxiety about that. She didn’t go into specifics, but when she put the final nail in the coffin of our budding relationship, she said that if I wanted to know more, I could Google her stage name.
We stayed in touch for a bit through social media, and then eventually, I moved to a new state across the country, met my current wife, and let her become a fond memory. But I did look her up recently, and she is now one of the most outspoken voices against the porn industry. I'm glad she got out of it and started fighting back."
19."I was chill with it. I'm always chill if you let me know you pick me at the end of the day. But I would say she had some weird vibes sometimes talking about it. Probably trauma from previous relationships or something. She would physically tighten up like she was scared to tell me anything about it. I wouldn't pry or anything, but when you spend enough time around someone, stuff comes up. Every time I would have to say, 'You do you boo, we're coming home to the same bed.' She did basically all solo videos except for a couple of videos with exes. No big deal — besides, I had a way better stroke game than any guest stars so far. Anyhow, it was kinda cool too, in a way. ... It was the only relationship where I could point and laugh at the exes with her."
20."In the '90s, when I was a senior in high school, I dated a girl in her early 20s I'd met at Detroit's City Club who was in grad school for a master of library science. We both really liked the same books and music, and we just clicked. She was my high school prom date, and I knew she did alternative modeling but wasn't aware she had previously done porn. A few of the boys in my school had 'seen her work,' and one of them was very aggressive at the dance and seemed to expect she'd just leave with him. A kick to the balls resolved things. Ultimately, the age gap and my going to college 1,000 miles away ended things."
21."I dated several gay well-known porn actors. They were all super hot, and I'm not. They told me that I was the only person who treated them like a real person. We would go out, and people would be incredibly fucked. They would say really nasty shit to them and right in front of me invite them to come along to parties etc."
"This was the late 80s, early 90s. It was very much a professional life-ending decision to do gay porn, so to do it meant you had basically given up. I was on drugs. They were ALL on drugs. I had the double fantasy of finally being wanted by hot gays and being able to live a nice suburban life because I could change them.'
I'm years sober now. You still have looks issues, but you live and hopefully learn."
22."I met the girl of my dreams at a show while we were both on molly. We were instantly two peas in a pod and spent a few months navigating and building a friendship. My previous marriage was with someone I went to medical school with, and she was also a sex worker — we had unbelievable sex but were completely incompatible in a living-together situation. I thought I'd never be able to sleep in the same bed with a lover again until I met this woman. We watched musicals together and cuddled and talked about our lives and negotiated a partnership together."
"All the while, she's dealing with sex work trauma, and her self-esteem is in chaos — 'I'm worth $10,000 an hour, God hates me, I'm ugly' (she's the hottest person I've ever seen). I'm supportive, loving, caring, and patient, but one day, I snap and can't handle the constant meltdowns. It turns out I got her pregnant, and we are taking some space to heal. I love her endlessly, but fuck, what the industry does to some people is so rough. Masculinity needs to really repair."
—Anonymous
23."My wife used to strip as her primary gig and enjoyed financial freedom. She played video games all day, owned her car, went to college, and had zero debt. She still dances a couple of Fridays a month and makes bank, supplementing our income with lots of cash. Now she has a career, we have a toddler, plan to have another kid, we are living our best lives. She really enjoys performing on stage and has been increasingly getting her fix doing stand-up comedy."
"She knows that being 35 is like being 50 in stripper years, so she plans on retiring soon."
24."I dated a man who produced porn back before internet videos got big if I understand correctly. I was told he was not a 'star,' but he did fill in for shoots when actors didn't show. ... It was great. We separated due to timing and other circumstances, but he's the only ex I would consider taking back. He was always so sweet to me; he cooked for me and took care of me when I needed him to, and I don't think anyone has ever looked at me the way he did since. He was a hopeless romantic like I was. I hope life is treating him well."
25."Depends which perspective you want on things, there are a lot. Dating the girl herself wasn't that different from any other girl. Porn stars are people, after all. She had the same insecurities, the same desires for love, etc. She had an incredibly sweet side, and when things were good, they were amazing, but man, was it attached to a lot of baggage. I'm not the jealous type, so her work wasn't an issue — at least not directly. I never worried that some guy would steal her affection or anything. But being in porn devalues a huge amount of what is special in a relationship...at least it did for me over time."
"She also had serious self-confidence issues despite being very attractive; porn was a way for her to validate her worth. So was social media. ... She would post a pic of herself doing something she really enjoyed and would be depressed for a day or two that no one liked it. Then she would post a pic of her ass and get 100 thirsty guys commenting; that would make her feel good, but also make her depressed, too, because she knew the praise was just horny dudes.
Sex was amazing, of course, and just great to have fun with. Ultimately I ended it because nothing felt intimate anymore, everything was content to her. It was also exhausting watching her have emotional breakdowns over something she could have avoided completely and then repeating the same actions every couple of months.
In the end, it sort of put me off the sex industry as well. There's a lot of darkness driving the entire industry."
26."I think it all depends on how you meet and hang out. My now-wife and I lived in the same apartment complex and worked similar hours. She worked in a strip club, and I worked as a closing bartender on opposite ends of our city. We met by walking our dogs after we got home and would hang out all night/morning as just friends in the beginning. We were truly just friends at the beginning, as I knew what she did for a living, and hanging out in strip clubs wasn't my lifestyle. I always supported how she had to make ends meet. No drugs — a lot of weed and beers, though. We eventually started talking about getting out of our current jobs and how it would happen, and then it really moved quickly from there. We supported each other and then one night changed with our relationship. We changed the friend zone for both of us. Best decision ever!"
27."I dated a porn actor for a few months. She was a single mother and did what she could for her kid — she always was a mom first. She just happened to be working in the adult industry. It was actually quite interesting. I went with her to a couple of shoots and saw the unglamorous behind-the-scenes stuff. We shot an amateur scene together, but continuing in the industry wasn't something that really interested me when I learned what it would entail to make the money I wanted. Honestly, it was a pretty normal dating experience. She wore some pretty naughty clothes when we were out and about, and she was adventurous about sex in public spaces. Other than that, she was like a lot of other people I've dated, and we ended on a good page."
28."I dated a woman back in the mid-80s who was a porn actress. I dated her for about a year off and on. I wouldn't say she was a pornstar, though she did work with some bigger-name actors and one who was actually a known actress from the Golden Age of Porn. For her, it was just a job. Yes, there was some excitement in it for her, but not like you would think. For her, it was about the performance — not so much the sex."
"Also, back then, there wasn't all this internet porn where you just see all these well-endowed men to make you feel completely inadequate. So I wasn't having these feelings like, 'She's getting drilled by guys who have monster-schlongs, so there's no way she's going to want to stay with me after she's been with THAT GUY.' It wasn't like that at all. It was actually pretty vanilla. She also drove home the point to me that it was all acting — that if I ever saw one of her videos, not to believe what I saw.
I'm not going to lie here — I did get a bit jealous at times. But she could usually tell, and we'd get it out in the open, talk about it, and then I let it go. She reaffirmed that she was with me and that I was who she wanted to be with.
We did all the things any couple would do. We'd go out to dinner or the movies, dance at a local club, chill in front of the TV on the couch together with a big bowl of popcorn...all that stuff. She was big on cuddling. She even met my parents once, and they really liked her. I still think of her at times, and when I do, I remember her quite fondly.
The only thing that ever really got under my skin (just a little) was one time when someone commented on that short guy (me) with that hot chick — I am 5' 6", and she is 5' 9". Like, they were saying I wasn't supposed to be with her because she was taller than me. If they only knew...
The one thing I would strongly recommend to anyone who is going to date a porn actress...focus on being the best possible version of yourself. Be the prize. Build up your confidence by actually doing the deep work on yourself, your health, and fitness, learn new things, and work on how you carry yourself and how you present yourself to the world. Focus on that and not anything that will make you feel inadequate. Most of all — be real and have a life of your own. The end result? You will have unshakeable confidence that you'll be able to take with you into the next relationship if your relationship with the porn star goes south."
29."In 2016, I met a girl at a bar in Hollywood. She was alone. We hit it off and ended up back at my place. After a few hangouts, she told me she does porn. I'm not big into porn, so there was no way I would have recognized her. She was a total rocker girl, and we started spending more and more time together. One night, she told me her manager abandoned her. And it would be a while before she could get situated with a new manager. She ended up moving in with me. I never thought in a million years I would be in this situation. My friends also could not believe it. She was a completely laid-back couch potato off-screen. In the bedroom, it was pretty wild. We lived together for about six months until things fizzled out. Her career never really recovered. I put her on a plane back to her hometown. I have seen her a few times since then, and we still remain good friends. It was a wild ride, for sure. But she was really just a normal girl with an interesting job."
30."I briefly dated someone who had a decently successful OF. She made sure I knew from the beginning, and it was cool with me. I didn't think more or less of her for it. She was also a pro dom, and I met one of her clients at one point. The dude was a bit of a dick, triggered her mental health issues (obviously ending the session), and ended up cheating her out of some of what he owed her. It was actually a bit eye-opening how much people can get away with treating a pro dom poorly since they have little recourse."
"She couldn't say anything bad about him in the online circles he found her in, and what else could she do — go to the cops, who would just arrest her? (Note: there's nothing inherently sexual about domming, and she stayed clear of anything that would make it legally sex work, but do you think cops know or care about the difference?)
Anyway, we dated for a bit, and we ended up breaking up due to compatibility issues. She was used to people wanting her only for sex, so once I realized it wasn't going to work out, I broke up with her before anything sex-related happened so she didn't feel she'd been used and dumped again. We're still friends to this day."
31."I went on like three dates with a woman who did porn (kink-centered videos), and I'm pretty sure she did sex work as well, but we didn't talk in detail about that. Contrary to the experience of another commenter, she was pretty humble and great in bed. I'm very vanilla, but she said she didn't need to bring work home and was fine with that. We didn't date long-term because she didn't want to be monogamous (not counting work; she wanted to be free to date multiple people if she wanted), and I didn't want a long-term non-monogamous relationship. We stayed friendly until we both left the city."
32."I had a fling with a porn star back in the mid-2000s. I didn’t know who she was (professionally), and I thought she was just an artist and a model. We were just hooking up at first, and it was pretty hot. Then I had a friend who recognized her and told me…and showed me…and it made it really awkward. I didn't judge her for doing it; she made good money, and it paid for her college, but I couldn't help but think anytime she was trying to turn me on or everything she did in bed seemed scripted or an act. It just took some of the authenticity and organic nature out of the sex."
33."I went out with a man who used to work as a ... sex worker. He was a very sweet guy but messed up in the head. He said that sex work had ruined sex for him — he thought of it as a job and not as a way of showing passion and having fun. I could not deal with it."
34.And finally, let's end on a perspective from the other side..."I've been a sex worker for almost 20 years; I've worked in almost every type of sex work industry besides online. I was always upfront with men early on and would tell them on date one or two about what I did. Typically, they'd all say the same thing: 'That's cool.' And then as we got to know each other better, it would become an issue. A lot of them liked to be tourists in my life but didn't want to become a full-time resident. It usually went one of two ways: 'Are you planning to stop sex work soon?' Or they'd fall away with vague explanations of 'We're not really in the same phase of life.' It was most annoying when they would talk about my work as if clients were romantic interests I was pursuing, as opposed to…work."
"This would always come from people who would watch porn or be okay going to strip clubs, so it's ironic since, as the 'demand,' they are part of the industry as well. I get that it's hard to date a sex worker but don't waste our time if you're not willing to see beyond our job at the moment and consider the human as a whole. Many people consider sex work 'easy,' but the only easy part about it is there's no barrier to entry. It's demanding work — even with all the flexibility of the job. I am happily dating someone, and while he has some feelings about the work, he expresses them, and we talk it through. I'm almost completely out of the industry now, so that helps. Sex work has made me a very open and accepting person who is comfortable talking honestly about relationships and sex. I'm much more informed about sex than most civilian women I meet. I made a ton of money and had the freedom to pursue what was meaningful to me in other areas. It saved me financially from an abusive marriage. I met some awesome women in the industry and also some wacky people. It's a great industry for those who don't work well in a 9-5 office job — neurodivergent folks, creative thinkers, etc. Sex workers are so often viewed as a monolith — but we are just people doing a job. Just like you and your work as a financial analyst, Chad."
—Anonymous
