Older online dating: Is it for you and should you sign up to find love?
Jumping back into the dating pool in later life can be a rather daunting experience. With millions of millennials now choosing online dating over the old-fashioned way of meeting people IRL (that’s ‘in real life’ to us), should older online dating be given a chance, too?
The answer is an enthusiastic yes. While it might not be for everybody, online dating is now seen as the best way of increasing your chances to find love – and this applies to the older generation too.
With more and more mature adults signing up to internet dating, the pool of potential suitors is growing, boosting the chances you’ll find love online. And if you don’t? It’s a great way to get out and about, be sociable, enjoy some lovely dinners and meet new people.
“Online dating used to be something most people felt both wary and slightly embarrassed about,” dating and relationship coach Kate Mansfield tells Prima.
“However, nowadays it’s a very different story and has become one of the most effective and time-saving ways to meet a potential new partner. It’s also a great way to learn about yourself, to make new friends and to practice - and even start to enjoy - dating in and of itself!”
Being in an emotionally stable place is a good starting pointing for love to flourish, Kate advises.
“If you are in a good space, feeling confident about yourself and ready for love, online dating is an excellent way to go about this,” she adds.
“For many people, this is not the case and I would advise if you are feeling low or unsure to get some professional advice; often we need support around self confidence and a good strategy,” she cautions.
Dating.com’s vice president and dating expert Maria Sullivan said: "Online dating makes it possible for all of us to meet new people, whether it be to simply find companionship or a romantic connection."
She continued: "Test out a few different online dating websites to determine which matches with your unique values; whether it be family, hobbies, political views, or cultural connections."
Marine Ravinet, head of trends at dating site happn, said: "As we get older, we have more of a dating journey to tell. It's likely daters in their fifties have been married, perhaps widowed and may have teenage or grown-up children. Where these may (unfairly) be seen as ‘baggage’ for daters in their twenties, these are likely to be common ground you can bond over in your fifties and its unlikely a prospective partner will be surprised at you having a relationship past."
Older online dating: Pros
1. Increasing your access pool
Whether because of retirement, death, or relocation, social networks can sometimes decrease in later life. Online dating gives instant access to new people and opportunities to reach out and strike up conversation, as well as meeting new friends in person. A new social network can be particularly beneficial for older divorced adults who want to meet people outside of the groups they knew with their ex-partner.
2. Feeling in control
Studies have shown that women often feel they have more control in initiating and maintaining online relationships. According to a report by the Utah State University, one of the top reasons women over 50 used online dating sites was because there was no pressure – they could respond if and when they wanted to.
3. Safety first
Being able to talk online and even check the background of a potential person on Google creates a feeling of safety before deciding to initiate a real-life date.
4. Fun and friendship
Getting dressed up to go out will make you not only make you look good but feel good, too. Dates can be fun, a chance to share stories and laughs as well as discovering new places and experiences. And, if romance isn’t on the cards, many women have found friendships to be one of the most positive outcomes of online dating.
5. Finding love
Online dating can certainly increase your chances of finding love again in later life and, if you don’t give it a go, you’ll never know what might have been.
Older online dating: Cons
1. Technical difficulties
If you find yourself struggling with new technologies, such as computer and social media platforms, take comfort in the fact that you are far from alone! Creating an online profile could feel like an obstacle for some, but many apps and online dating sites have very clear instructions on what you need to do. And if you're struggling, ask a trusted friend or family member to help you.
2. Negative experiences and unwanted messages
As with all things in life, it's understandable that you may hit the odd stumbling block. This might be someone choosing to leave a date early - or even not showing up at all. As upsetting as this might feel at the time, remember that this is something that has probably happened to almost every online dater. Try not to see it as poor reflection on you - their decision to leave probably has everything to do with them and very little to do with you. While your ego might take a bit of a hit, try not to take it too personally.
In the - ahem - wonderful world of online, it's also possible that you may receive the occasional unwanted message. Some of these may be of a sexual nature. It's usually best to ignore them and move on but, if they are persistent or threatening, consider reporting them (an available option on almost all dating sites).
3. Misleading profiles
People at any age can give misleading information about their height or work to inflate the attractiveness of their proposition. As we get older, there’s also a chance someone may use a dated picture and look more mature in real life than you had expected. It's something to be mindful of, but it shouldn’t put you off giving it a try.
On the flipside, Kate is clear that honesty is the best policy when creating your own profile. "Put some time and effort into your profile," she advises. "As much as it may be tempting to post photos of you many years ago, or to lie about your age, don’t do it! Bear in mind that being the real you is the most attractive thing, and authenticity is the key to success when dating anywhere, but especially online."
4. Love is not in the air
It can be frustrating when you go on a string of dates and the chemistry just isn’t there. Lack of success can be off-putting but if it doesn’t work out for you, at least you can say you tried.
Kate adds: "Try to keep your expectations low and your standards high, which means spending a short amount of time each day and be quite discerning about who you interact with. Trust your intuition and try to notice any red flags or behaviours that make you feel uncomfortable. There are some great people online if you can persist and hold your boundaries."
Top tips for older online dating
- No matter what age you are, dating profiles are made to be as user-friendly, simple and fool-proof as possible to set up. "The hardest part is deciding the perfect profile picture to catch someone’s eye," says Maria Sullivan. "Set up a comfortable area of your house, one where you’re most comfortable and typically choose to relax. Set up your computer or laptop in this location, light some candles, pour a glass of wine and explore the endless potential that online dating sites hold. Set yourself up for success, devote some time/attention and you could meet someone that could change your life."
- "I suggest choosing an image/s that shows what you truly value in life," says Maria. "If you have one of you and your family, add it to your profile as this is something that will most likely come up and serve as a conversational segway into creating a deeper connection."
- Don’t be afraid to take a selfie. "You know your angles best, so get glammed up and take a few pictures until you find the right one", says Maria. "Although it’s easy to judge a selfier, it can be really fun way to boost your mood and remind yourself how beautiful you are!"
- "Don’t be afraid of making the first move," says Marie Ravinet. "If you are unsure of what to say as an icebreaker, ask about something personal to their profile – we all like to talk about ourselves! Do they have a picture from a holiday on their profile or a pet you can ask about? Perhaps they call themselves an avid reader - tell them what you are reading or ask if they can recommend any reads."
- "If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable, block them right away," advises Maria. "Anyone looking to really get to know you does not need to know any details that make you question their intentions – never share personal information!"
- Don’t give up after your first few tries. Maria says: "It may take some trial and error to find someone that’s truly right for you. As long as you’re enjoying the process, keep at it and you never know what could happen."
Best older online dating sites
SilverSingles
SilverSingles is a dating site specifically for people aged 50 and above who want to find a serious relationship. All new members take a personality questionnaire to help you find compatible matches, with questions on the importance of religion or education to you, for example, plus questions on age and location. The site also manually verifies all new profiles to ensure users have a safe and enjoyable experience in which to meet other like-minded singles. Visit silversingles.co.uk
OurTime
OurTime also caters specifically to those aged 50 and above, so banish any thoughts that apps for your age don't exist! Their is mission is to help singles in their 50s, 60s, and beyond meet and spark meaningful connections via shared interests. It boasts over one million registered users and also hosts local activities so you can meet potential dates in person. Visit ourtime.co.uk
Match.com
One of the biggest dating sites out there, match.com is easy to use and has a large pool of potential suitors with around 1.8m subscribers. We love how it arranges singles events so you can meet people in person in a safe space. Visit uk.match.com.
eHarmony
As we get older, personality becomes more and more important, and eHarmony focuses on this in particular, and even developed its own eHarmony Compatibility Matching System. A great site if you're serious about looking for love. Visit eharmony.co.uk
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