Liam Payne and why we feel so strongly when a celebrity we love dies
The news of former One Direction member Liam Payne's sudden death at the age of 31 has shocked the world – and many of those who were part of the One Direction fandom during its peak have since taken to social media to air how they're feeling.
Some fans have described feeling mixed emotions after hearing about Payne's death, in light of recent claims from his ex-fiancé, Maya Henry, that he was emotionally abusive and has been harassing her since their split.
One fan wrote on an Instagram post exploring the complexity of the emotions many Directioners are feeling, "We're grieving the man we idolised as kids, not the man he became" while another commented, "Hearing this today simply broke my heart. I'm sorry for everybody's loss, his family, his friends, everybody in the fandom. This one hurt even me [...] it’s absolutely shattering."
But is it normal to grieve for somebody you've never met and with whom you've only shared a parasocial relationship? And what happens when you can't move beyond that initial shock and 'raising a quick glass to' tinge of sadness? Dr Jonathan Pointer, a Chartered Clinical Psychologist and Psychotherapist, explains why some people feel such raw responses when a celebrity they've idolised or adored passes away.
Is it normal to grieve when a celebrity dies?
Firstly, let's take a look at the word grief, says Dr Pointer. "While all the feelings are real for the person experiencing them, the term 'sorrow' rather than 'grief' is generally more appropriate when describing the emotions we might feel when a celebrity dies," he explains. "Unless of course we did know the celebrity in real life." That said, all feelings range in terms of intensity, frequency, and duration, and for some people, they may well experience something more akin to grief – but it's not 100% the real deal.
"It's more likely for a person to respond with strong emotion to a celebrity death if they've experienced a bereavement before. The new passing could trigger the re-experiencing of past grief," advises Dr Pointer. "Sometimes it can be easier to mourn the loss of someone that we don't have a complex relationship with. A relationship with a celebrity is one-sided, so very different compared to one with someone whom we love, but have natural, mixed feelings towards." It's not uncommon for people to project sadness and grief that they've not yet fully expressed for a loved one onto a celebrity instead.
With, say, musicians, listening to their songs can be an intimate insight to their lives and help you make sense of your own feelings and place in the world. When your favourite artist dies, the opportunity to recreate more memories involving them ends too. This can be a tough pill to swallow. Equally, in a way, celebrities also appear a bit immortal to us 'regular folk', so when one of them dies (especially in tragic circumstances) it also hits us with a stark reminder that sadly, nobody lives forever.
In the case of Liam Payne, many people have close memories from their own childhood and teenage years (deeply formative times in our lives) that he is intrinsically tied into – and part of the sadness they may be feeling could be a reflection on how they're no longer living in those 'simpler' times. The death of a childhood idol can also feel like the death of a chapter in your own life, as well as reminding you of how you felt during the height of your obsession with them – and as we all know, your teenage years can be especially volatile and packed with emotion.
Why do we have parasocial relationships with famous people?
"Everyone we meet, regardless of whether it's in "real life" or through the media becomes real to us, because we develop internal representations of them in our minds," says Dr Pointer. "If we identify with a celebrity in some way, be it by connecting to their personality or their particular struggles and experiences in life (including any illnesses or where they grew up), then their death will feel more impactful."
It's easy to make a celebrity a companion too, sometimes without even realising, particularly over the space of several years. For example, if you watch Friends re-runs every night, then the cast will become a part of your daily routine, equally if you switch on Radio 1 at the same time every morning, the presenters are likely to be a regular fixture in your life. "In some cases, celebrities can almost feel like part of our extended family," notes Dr Pointer. "Thus, when they die, it's not unusual to feel a sense of loss."
How do you get over the death of a celebrity?
When people we've loved in 'real life' die, we often feel that there are things we need to communicate to them which have been left unsaid. Therefore, talking to a photo of our loved one, or writing to them in a journal, can be therapeutic. The same can be said for celebrities too. "Our grief for a loved one doesn't diminish over time, nor would we want it to. Instead our lives expand around our grief, as we go on living, and thus we tend to become gradually less overwhelmed by grief as time passes," explains Dr Pointer.
It's a long and painful process, that doesn't follow a chronological order or set of rules. Anybody who has suffered a bereavement will know just how easily it can sneak up on you when you least expect it – or even when you do, such as on significant dates or anniversaries.
"It's important to recognise that funerals provide a space for us to begin to process our feelings, whilst in the presence of others whom also loved the person who has died," Dr Pointer continues. "However, because most of us aren't in a position to attend the funerals of celebrities, we have less access to the rituals that allow us to gradually process our sorrow."
Instead, he advises, people will turn to digital gatherings on platforms like X and Instagram, in an effort to express their feelings. "With regards to managing our sorrow when a celebrity dies, we may find solace in reconnecting with them through playing media recordings of them. It may also be helpful to share our memories of them with other fans too."
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