I saw breast cancer as a woman’s illness and was too embarrassed to tell people I had it
Four years ago, Mark Winter, 59, a self-employed surveyor, was devastated to learn he had breast cancer. He lives in Eastbourne with partner Lorraine, a chef, and has two adult sons: Jonathan and Benjamin. Here he shares his story...
Standing in the shower one morning in May 2020, I felt a sharp pain under my left nipple. I thought I’d scratched myself but on closer examination, I discovered a lump just underneath the nipple which felt unusual. I did what many men would do in that situation and ignored it.
But a month later, I noticed the lump was still there and it felt harder. I’d recently taken a female friend to hospital for checks on a breast lump which had turned out to be benign so even though I didn’t even realise men could get breast cancer, I thought I’d better get it checked out with my GP.
My doctor is lovely – always very friendly and smiley. But as she examined me, her voice changed. "Hmmm, I think we have a problem here," she said and it sounded serious. Again, I really didn’t think of breast cancer. But she referred me to the hospital and despite the fact we were in the middle of the Covid pandemic, I was seen within four days.
I had an ultrasound and expected to have to wait a few days to get my results. However, as I was getting into the car to drive away from the hospital, they rang me saying that they needed to book me in for more tests, because they had some concerns about my lump. It was at that point that I really thought it may be something more serious.
My breast cancer diagnosis
I had a biopsy, then went back to the breast clinic in Hastings for my results. It was very strange being the only man there. I went with Lorraine – who was only a friend at the time. I needed some reassurance and someone to ‘hold my hand’. I was feeling quite vulnerable. I think most people in the waiting room thought it was Lorraine waiting for the results, not me.
When I went into the appointment, the fact that both a nurse and consultant were in the room began to ring alarm bells. They told me that I had grade two breast cancer and the next 10 minutes were a total blur. I didn’t hear a word they said.
They told me that I had grade two breast cancer and the next 10 minutes were a total blur.
Thankfully, the lovely breast nurse realised this and took me to one side after the appointment. I was in a terrible state, so she gave me a cup of tea and said she’d speak to me again in 10 minutes, by which point Lorraine had joined us.
The leaflets handed to me were pink and female-focused. I didn’t read any of them because I didn’t think they had anything to do with me. But the breast nurse explained everything fully and I could take more in. I remember Lorraine and I having a good cry.
Telling my family
At home, I only told a few close friends and my sons. It was heartbreaking having to tell my youngest son Benjamin, who was only 20 at the time and had recently lost his best friend in a car crash. I’ll never forget him standing at the top of the stairs and calling down to me, ‘Dad, you’re not going to die are you?’ He was broken. My eldest son Jonathan – who lives in the USA – was much calmer and spoke to his brother on the phone to reassure him. But it was very tough on all of them.
The leaflets handed to me were all pink and female-focused. I didn’t read any of them because I didn’t think they had anything to do with me.
I couldn’t tell anyone else. I was too embarrassed. I felt such a fool for having what I thought was ‘a female thing’, even though I now know that men can get it too.
After that, my treatment happened very quickly. After my diagnosis, the cancer was upgraded to grade three following a review of my test results.
My mastectomy
My operation was booked in for August 2020 and I had a mastectomy including lymph node removal and they found cancerous cells in some of the lymph nodes. I also had chemotherapy starting in October, twice weekly for eight sessions. I lost all my body hair but thankfully didn’t suffer any sickness. I then had radiotherapy for 15 days.
As the only bloke in a breast cancer department, I got some very strange looks. But on my second and third visits to the breast department, weirdly I almost felt special!
As the only bloke in a breast cancer department, I got some very strange looks. But on my second and third visits to the breast department, weirdly I almost felt special.
My treatment went pretty smoothly and I was given the hormone therapy Tamoxifen for five years, but again suffered no side effects.
Meeting other men with breast cancer
I had wonderful support from my whole family, including my ex-wife. I hadn’t felt the need to tell anyone else but about 15 months after my diagnosis, I happened to see the MP Tracy Crouch talking about her breast cancer on television and she was going through exactly the same thing as me. I emailed her and she was the one who first mentioned the charity Walk The Walk’s Men Get Breast Cancer Too campaign.
I met them in the summer of 2021 and until that point, I’d not met or even spoken to another man with breast cancer. It’s been great to meet with them once a month. You feel less alone and less 'stupid', if that makes sense. Only a few hundred men get breast cancer each year whereas tens of thousands of women do.
I’ve had a gene test to make sure there are no genetic factors and it was negative so my sons are in no more danger of getting it than any man – which is a huge relief.
Today, I am doing well. I had my fourth annual mammogram last month (out of five which I’ll have) and it was all clear. I’ve moved in with Lorraine, my youngest son has finished university and my oldest son now has had a two-year-old son, so I’m now a grandfather too. Life is good.
My message to men is to not only check 'below', but to check 'above' too and don’t be frightened if you find something. Proportionally, more men die of breast cancer because they’ve ignored the problem and not done anything about it. My own diagnosis was a hell of a shock, but that phone call I made to my doctor’s was probably the best one of my life.
Only a few hundred men get breast cancer each year whereas tens of thousands of women do.
The charity Walk The Walk launched its #MenGetBreastCancerToo! awareness campaign in 2017 and is now best-known for its fundraising overnight MoonWalks. For more details about how breast cancer can affect men, visit Walkthewalk.org.
Read more about breast cancer:
The symptom that led to my breast cancer diagnosis (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
A hug from my son detected my breast cancer and may have saved my life (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
I was diagnosed with the exact same cancer as my mum' (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
