I’m a Celebrity 2024 is too nice – you’d get more thrills re-reading Coleen Rooney’s Wagatha Christie tweets

The 2023 edition of I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here left an unpleasant taste in the mouth – and not only for the stars who’d signed up to eat kangaroo testicles on national television. ITV’s biggest hire last year was Reform politician Nigel Farage, and watching the former Ukip leader attempt to burnish his “man of the people” credentials on prime time made for stomach-churning viewing; somehow, it felt even more dystopian than Matt Hancock’s haunting stint the previous year.

This season, though, it seems like the broadcaster is trying a different tack. There are no glaringly obvious provocateurs – and the class of 2024 feels more evenly matched in terms of star power compared to recent cohorts, when it seemed all too obvious that the producers had blown the budget on one top-tier recruit and had to cobble the rest together with leftover cash.

The biggest signing this season is surely Coleen Rooney, the typically private wife of footballer Wayne, whose presence turns out to be an excuse for Ant and Dec to try out their best “Wagatha Christie” gags. “It’ll be nice for Coleen to face a trial that doesn’t involve Rebekah Vardy,” Dec quips five minutes into the episode, in what will surely be the first of many invocations of Mrs Rooney’s nemesis. The rest of the line-up is reality TV by numbers: a soap star, a Loose Woman, one of McFly, a gruff sporting legend. Rinse and repeat.

Indeed, after 22 years of I’m a Celeb, we viewers are well-versed in how the proceedings play out – and it is no different tonight. Ant and Dec perch on a rickety bridge as the jungle drums play. The celebs must feign surprise when they hear the sound of choppers in the distance, portending the inevitable skydiving challenge. The “welcome drinks” are, of course, blended bulls penis and fish eyes, garnished with cocktail umbrellas. The tension is ramped up to ludicrous levels by the grandiose orchestral soundtrack – then immediately dissipates when we cut to a Christmas advert.

There’s some faffing around with keys and canoes, designed to ease the contestants into proceedings (dipping their hands into a box of creepy crawlies and swimming through murky lakes is a breeze compared to what awaits them later in the competition) and to set up some initial hierarchies. The eventual winners of this first task, Alan Halsall from Coronation Street and N Dubz star Tulisa, will become the camp’s leaders, sleeping in a shed on bed frames, which look about as inviting as medieval torture devices (still, has to be better than the jungle floor, right?). Later, it’s time for boxer Barry McGuigan and Danny Jones from McFly to take on the “Mausoleum of Misery”, a challenge that quickly devolves into chaotic double entendres involving snakes in trousers after two find their into the musician’s shorts.

At this stage in the competition, when the hanger has yet to kick in, the campmates appear to be pretty charming – a statement I’m sure I’ll retract in a week or so when the mud-slinging and backbiting starts (incidentally around the same time everyone grows sick of eating tiny rations of rice and beans). Podcaster GK Barry seems enjoyably no-holds barred. Oti Mabuse is as delightful as she ever was on the Strictly dance floor. The unexpected standout is, no doubt, BBC Radio 1 presenter Dean McCullough, who appears to be having a grand old time asking Tulisa to show off her “Female Boss” tattoo (iconic to anyone who spent too much time watching The X Factor in its imperial phase) and making deadpan quips (“I used to drive a Ford Fiesta,” he mutters, when Rooney admits she is comfortable behind the wheel of a 4x4).

There are no obvious fault lines or tricky personalities here, let alone the potential for intra-camp romance. If anything, these celebrities seem, whisper it, too nice – which is great for their enjoyment levels, but, let’s be honest, not so good for us viewers at home. If you’re after twists and turns, you’d probably get more of a thrill re-reading Coleen’s “Rebekah Vardy’s account” tweet.