Teachers Are Revealing The Very, Very Disturbing Realities About Students Today That Parents Need To Start Paying Attention To, And They're Not Holding Back

Teaching in 2024 has become increasingly challenging and frustrating. Recently, we shared stories from teachers who opened up about the "hard truths" about their students that parents need to start listening to and accepting. Following that, over 400 more teachers of the BuzzFeed Community shared their experiences and the harsh realities they want parents to hear. Here are their brutally honest responses.

1."I am a substitute teacher — kids need to hear 'no.' They do not respect authority. Parents are letting the phones and computers raise the kids. I've seen most kids NOT know how to tie their shoes from pre-k to seventh grade. They are not taught at home, and we get so tired of teaching every child to tie their shoes. It takes 30 seconds to tie shoes."

2."When we tell you that we think your child needs extra support, we aren't doing it for our health. It would be a hell of a lot easier just to sweep it under the rug and not tell you, but that's not going to help your child. Teachers have been in contact with hundreds of kids and learned to recognize when a child is struggling — we are on the same team, so don't freak out when we tell you your child needs help."

—Shannon, 38, Canada

3."Allow your child to experience failure without you choosing to 'fix it.' Students should be held accountable for missed assignments, defying phone restrictions, using profanity in the classroom when it is not appropriate, lying to cover aberrant behavior, bullying, and basic disrespect. Parents: stop telling students that 'teachers should spend more time teaching than disciplining children during class.' How is one expected to teach when your child continues to disturb the learning environment? Establishing proper behavior and a love for learning begins at home, not in the classroom."

4."Stop giving your kid a device to calm down. They need human contact to learn how to work through strong emotions. Also, kids' language skills develop with actual conversation, reading books together, and hearing real conversations, not on a device. Sensory integration develops by interacting with real things and objects, not a device. Help them understand they take turns in conversation and listen, not talk over others — and that they can't always be the center of attention."

—leighroy

5."Teachers do not have the time or energy to make up 'lies' about your child. We don't receive additional pay, days off, etc., for informing you about something your child did that you don't like hearing or find hard to believe. We find it hard to believe that you will take a child's word over an adult's."

6."Yes, your child getting into the university of their choice is important, but if their grades are so inflated to accommodate your expectations rather than their reality, they may get into their/your dream school only to drop out when they don't have the skills to survive there. If your 11th grader cannot write a legible paper without Chat GPT, they should not have a B or an A. The students are using Chat GPT for everything. When parents lie for their kids and say, 'Yes, she did write that whole paper,' they encourage them to replace critical thinking with shortcuts. Teachers can't do much about the overuse of Chat GPT right now — we have very little admin/parent support — but this will catch up with your child, and then they will have no support network in place to help them recover."

—Anonymous

7."Education begins at home. If you don't read with any frequency, neither will your children. If you allow screens 24/7 in all situations and locales, getting them to stop staring at them in classes will be much harder. Asking if they have homework is NOT an interrogation. Making them complete assignments before going out with friends is NOT cruel. Your kid doesn't always tell the truth. Eliminate the word 'fair' from their vocabulary and teach them that there is a difference between 'fair' and 'I don't want/like.' I cannot tell you how many times I ran into students who thought they warranted exceptions to every rule because it was unpleasant or inconvenient."

8."Coming from a school psychologist, many of the parents we work with will never accept, let alone implement, advice. My best recommendation: if you feel like you are financially, spiritually, socially, or mentally unready for a child, please consider birth control or waiting to have a child until you're ready. We are your partners (in an ideal world), but we are not parents. A child will not fix your problems/relationship/future/purpose."

"I'm so tired of working with parents who treat their children as disposable. There is no 'perfect' parent, but those who are willing to collaborate, listen to other perspectives, and be willing to say 'no' to their kids are the ones who will find themselves with fewer behavioral issues.

I love all my students. I don't love all their parents."

—sillybutterfly175

9."You cannot be besties with your teenager. They need as much guidance, discipline, and modeling at 17 as they did at seven. You can still have fun with them, but their brain has not developed enough (that good old frontal lobe) to make adult decisions. Be a parent, no matter how tough it is."

10."Please stop expecting your child's teacher to take care of what you should be responsible for as a parent. For so many years, I have bought backpacks, school supplies, food for school parties, actually made large pans of egg casseroles to give my students a healthy breakfast before state testing, brought breakfast bars for kids who come to school late without being fed breakfast, and bought socks, T-shirts, and even a coat or two for kids who don't have them. I am not wealthy, but when I have talked to parents repeatedly about the importance of good nutrition, proper clothing, proper sleep, coming to school on time, etc., with no change, I always feel obligated to help their children. I'm your child's teacher and care about them, but you are their parent and should love them enough to care about their wellbeing more."

—Christina

11."Classes aren't always about being entertained every moment. You have to put in time with the boring fact-building (vocabulary and basic skill-building) to get to a higher level of work. Not everything is relatable to every job, but it helps establish the ability to think, learn, and recall information. Besides, goals and jobs change, so having a broad base will make your child more adaptable in a changing world. Having your children do 'not fun' things like chores to get to a bigger fun goal, even at an early age, helps with this mindset. Don't blame a teacher for not being entertaining, like a video game or movie, to keep your child engaged."

12."I teach preschool, and the amount of parents who do nothing when they find out their child is a bully, or a habitual biter, or whatever, is astounding. They just make excuses. My favorite is, 'They don't do that at home.' Well, no shit — there aren't 14 other kids at home, and they are in charge."

—sarah9488

13."Your child is not special. All children are different, and some require more specific, individualized support in certain areas; that's true. And, of course, we understand that to you, your child is the sun, moon, and stars. But your kid is no better or more deserving of our support/attention than any of their peers. We have 25-plus students in our classroom at a time who ALL need our help. Nowadays (especially coming out of COVID-19 school closures), they've all been told that they are the most important person in the world. They aren't."

14."Parents, please stop posting 'cute' videos of your child throwing tantrums or being 'sassy.' When they get to school, it's not cute, nor is it funny when every other child's learning is interrupted because your child is throwing repeated tantrums or throwing sass and being disrespectful to others because they haven't learned by six, seven, or eight years old how to navigate their emotions or act appropriately when, for instance, it's someone else's turn to be first in line, be class helper, sit in their assigned seat, etc."

—Anonymous

15."Complaining about me (the teacher) in front of your kid makes everyone's life miserable. It creates a bias in your kid's eyes, and they immediately no longer like or trust me. They will lash out or openly become rude or defiant. Then working as a team to help your child becomes so challenging that I (the professional) often cry myself to sleep at night."

16."The number of parents I see who treat elementary school like it doesn't matter is maddening. I used to babysit for a family who decided they wouldn't make their child do their homework because 'it's kindergarten.' Sure, you can think homework in kindergarten is dumb; I do, and I went to school for teaching. However, not doing the assignment is having a negative impact on their grade. Not to mention what you're communicating to their child about the importance of their schoolwork."

"It is MUCH easier to establish good study habits from the start than it is to do fuck all until they're 12 and then try to instill some kind of academic work ethic (and undo all the bad habits you taught them).

The work isn't always going to be as easy as 'color in this worksheet,' and your kid needs strategies to deal with that. Which is much easier to do when the work is 'color in this worksheet' than in five or six years when it's a project that will take weeks to complete."

—lobster_lemon_lime

17."Please treat us like the professionals that we are. We have college degrees (often advanced degrees) that teach us the psychology of how students learn and help us keep up with the latest research. Also, I have a lot more perspective of what is 'typical' for a nine-year-old than you do because I have seen hundreds of them. I am in this profession because I love kids, and I love teaching kids. If I tell you that your child is struggling in some area (social, emotional, or academic), it is not because I hate children. It is because of my own education, knowledge, and experience. While it is emotional to hear, please don't disregard what I'm telling you or act like I'm out to get your child just because you don't want to hear it!"

18."Time management! Be on time to drop off and pick up your child from school. It's terrifying for the child and disrespectful to the staff. We're already short-changed on our lunch break/plan time, and we have families that need us after work. We understand an occasional (one or two times a year) tardiness, but when it's habitual — no. Just be ON TIME! I wish we could charge $1 per minute for each tardy parent. My class would be fully funded!"

—Anonymous

19.And, finally: "If you encourage your kids to physically/verbally harm others as a way to 'stand up for themselves,' you can't be surprised when there are school consequences. And fights that happen over social media that then follow them to school are out of our control. Get your kids off the screens and provide positive, teachable experiences for them. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive. Have them watch and help as you do things like grocery shop, cook, maintain your car, clean, build something, or whatever."

If you're a teacher, what's one hard-to-swallow pill you think parents today need to accept? Comment below or fill out this anonymous form.

Note: Some responses may have been edited for length/clarity.