Just 70 Christmas jokes that'll keep you laughing until the new year
The festive season is upon us and that means it's time to update our Christmas playlists, queue up Christmas movies on Netflix and shop for Christmas presents (even if we plan on keeping them ourselves). But, that's not all. The holiday season brings with it lots of invites and, before we know it, our December diary is busier than an elf working the night shift on Christmas Eve. Phew!
With so many eat-drink-and-be-merry engagements ahead – think: office parties, seasonal gatherings and roast dinner dates – you might be wondering how you'll keep the conversation flowing as well as the mulled wine is?
Well, wonder no more, as we're here to help you *sleigh* those seasonal events with 70 Christmas jokes that'll keep you (and your companions) laughing well into the new year. And yep, we can guarantee these jokes are way funnier than the jokes you'll find inside your Christmas crackers...
Generic Christmas jokes
Where do mistletoes go to get famous? Holly-wood
How did the snow globe feel at Christmas? A little shaken
Why is it so cold at Christmas? Because it’s Decembrrrrr
Why do mummies love Christmas? There’s so much wrapping
What did one Christmas ornament say to the other? 'Let's hang out'
What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense? 'Wait, there's myrrh...'
What’s the difference between the regular alphabet and the Christmas alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has noel
How do you invite Santa to a party? You request his presents
What did one cranberry say to the other at Christmas? 'Tis the season to be jelly'
Why do elves like Mrs. Claus so much? She sleighs
Christmas jokes about snowmen
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite
What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes
What did the snowman say to the carrot in an argument? 'Get out of my face'
Why did the snowmen get arrested? They were up to snow good
What do you call an elderly snowman? Water
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum? A meltdown
Where do snowmen do their Christmas shopping? The winternet
Why don't snowmen get married? They always get cold feet
What do you call a snowman's dog? A slush puppy
How do you scare a snowman? With a hairdryer
Christmas jokes about animals
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph
What do cats listen to during the holidays? Christmas mew-sic
What game do reindeer play at sleepovers? Truth or deer
How do sheep say, 'Merry Christmas'? Fleece Navidad
What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes, 'ribbet, ribbet'? A mistle-toad
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A carib-boo
How long should a reindeer’s legs be? Long enough to reach the ground
Who delivers presents to sharks? Santa Jaws
What do reindeer use to decorate their antlers? Horn-aments
What is Santa's dog's name? Santa Paws
Christmas jokes about Santa Claus
Where does Santa store his suit? In his Claus-et
Where do Santa's elves go swimming? The North pool
Where does Santa stay on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel
Which of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves? Dancer
What do you call Santa when he’s on a break? A Santa pause
What was Santa's favourite subject in school? Chemis-tree
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing — it was on the house
Who’s Santa’s favourite singer? Elfish Presley
How do you know when Santa’s around? You can always sense his *presents*
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on Boxing Day? They use Santa-tiser
Christmas jokes about Christmas trees
How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out? They spruce up
How do Christmas trees get their email? They log-on
What do Christmas trees get when they're ill? Tinselitus
What do Christmas trees wear at the swimming pool? Trunks
What do Christmas trees get when they're too cold? Pines and needles
Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal
What did one Christmas tree say to another? 'Lighten up'
Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? They always drop their needles
Why was there ice cream under the Christmas tree? To go with the pine cones
What do Christmas trees sing to each other when they retire? 'Fir he’s a jolly good fellow, fir he’s a jolly good fellow…'
Christmas puns and one-liners
I hope you don't mind my resting Grinch face
Christmas is always a Claus for celebration
May you get everything you want this year, and myrrh
When I wished you a Merry Christmas, I ornament it
I hope this Christmas card reaches you just in the St. Nick of time
I hope your Christmas is lit-erally amazing
Let’s make Santa-mental Christmas memories this year
I’m Claus-itive this will be our best Christmas yet
Have your elf a merry little Christmas
Sending you an elfy dose of Christmas cheer
Christmas knock knock jokes
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Santa. Santa who? I Santa Christmas card to you, did you get it?
Knock, knock! Who's there? Freeze. Freeze who? Freeze a jolly good fellow
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Anna. Anna who? Anna partridge in a pear tree
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke at all those presents
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and open your gift
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Have. Have who? Have you left out milk and cookies?
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dexter. Dexter who? Dexter halls with boughs of holly
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Yah. Yah who? Someone's excited about Christmas
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any gifts for me?
Anyone else's cheeks hurt from laughing so much?
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