How to prepare yourself for death when given a terminal diagnosis
Receiving a terminal diagnosis can be a devastating blow, for the individual and their loved ones. There is no right or wrong way to react to such news, and people respond with all sorts of emotions - from anger and denial, to acceptance and peace.
Having a terminal illness can also give a person new perspective. Recently, beloved BBC Radio 2 DJ Johnnie Walker announced his retirement from his radio career which has spanned nearly 60 years. Walker’s decision to bring his career to an end comes after he was diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, a terminal illness that has left his lungs scarred and makes it increasingly difficult to breathe.
His last Sounds of the 70s show will air on Sunday 27 October and Walker promised he will "make the last three shows as good as I possibly can". He is now being looked after round-the-clock by his wife, Tiggy.
In June, the DJ opened up about the diagnosis during a special Carers Week episode of his and Tiggy’s BBC Sounds podcast, Walker and Walker: Johnnie and Tiggy, and said it has been "a very reflective time for us".
Scottish comedian Janey Godley also recently announced she is receiving end-of-life care after her ovarian cancer spread. On Wednesday 25 September, she shared a video message on X, formerly Twitter, to update her fans.
Godley said: "It is devastating news, to know that I’m facing end of life, but we all come to an end some time. I don’t know how long I’ve got left before anybody asks, I’m not a tick tock, I just want you all to know that I appreciate all the love you’ve given me."
What does it feel like to be diagnosed with a terminal illness?
There is no telling how a person will react if they are diagnosed with a terminal illness, but for many, it can feel like "the ground has been pulled from under one’s feet", says Dr Dr Manpreet Dhuffar-Pottiwal, a chartered psychologist and member of the British Psychological Society.
"The shock, fear, and uncertainty can be overwhelming, making it essential to find effective ways to cope with this life-changing news," she explains, adding that seeing a therapist after a terminal diagnosis can help bring comfort and guidance.
"First and foremost, acknowledging and expressing emotions is crucial. Many people experience a whirlwind of feelings, including anger, sadness, and anxiety. A therapist encourages individuals to let these emotions surface rather than suppress them.
"Talking about fears and concerns with a trusted friend or a mental health professional can provide relief and validation. For example, joining a support group can help individuals connect with others facing similar challenges, fostering a sense of community and shared understanding."
I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Where can I get support?
Dr Paul Perkins, Chief Medical Director of bereavement charity Sue Ryder, points to three sources of support that terminally ill patients can turn to.
1. Healthcare providers can lend a listening ear and help with managing symptoms such as pain and fatigue. They should also be involved in discussions about care options, which can help individuals know what to expect.
2. Family and friends are also very important for a terminally ill person to lean on during such a difficult time, he says.
3. Charities such as Sue Ryder, Macmillan and Marie Curie also offer support in the form of helplines or webchats for both terminally ill individuals and their grieving loved ones.
What legal and financial matters should I address?
Most people put off end-of-life planning, but when faced with a terminal diagnosis, it becomes a "very real and necessary task", says Sam Grice of Octopus Legacy.
"It will never be easy, but it is essential," he tells Yahoo UK. There are three main matters you should consider:
Draft or update your will
Your will outlines how you want your assets, property and belongings to be distributed. It also allows the designation of an executor to manage the estate and guardians for any minor children.
Grice says: "It’s important to remember a will doesn’t have to be a cold, impersonal legal document. I see it as an extension of yourself - your legacy.
"Once the legal necessities are sorted, I always encourage people to include the personal touches that truly matter to the people they love. Think about who will inherit your much-loved recipes, your stamp collection, or whether you want to support a charity and cause you’ve always believed in."
Lasting Power of Attorney
A Lasting power of Attorney allows you to choose someone you trust to make decisions on your behalf. Sharing your wishes with whoever you choose is really important, Grice says, as it gives them clarity on how best to care for you and ensures your preferences for end-of-life care are respected.
Share your funeral wishes
"It might feel hard to think about but nothing is worse than wondering if you’ve done that person proud, or more healing than knowing you have," Grice says.
"By planning ahead, you’re giving the people you love the ultimate handover document, preparing them for a life without you."
How do I talk to someone with a terminal illness?
If your loved one has been handed a terminal diagnosis, it can be very difficult to know how to deal with it. However, it doesn’t always have to be sad or upsetting conversations - Dr Perkins says many patients don’t really want to talk about death.
"It’s good to take a cue from the person with the diagnosis and see what they want to talk about or do," he advises.
"A lot of the time, they don’t want to talk about death, they want to make their last few months their best. So often, this time is about the people you love and who love you, and spending as much time as you can with them."
If you are facing a terminal diagnosis, you can visit Sue Ryder’s website for detailed guidance. You can also book a call with Marie Curie on 0800 090 2309 or start a webchat for support.
Read more about health and wellness:
Bill to give ‘choice at end of life’ to be introduced to Parliament this month (PA Media, 5-min read)
Remember a loved one and help raise funds for hospice (South Wales Argus, 1-min read)
'I thought I was dying - then I was diagnosed with a lifelong condition' (SomersetLive, 6-min read)
