‘Heteropessimism’ didn’t spring from nowhere
Rachel Connolly has it the wrong way round when she suggests that one problem with heterosexuality is that women unrealistically expect men to fulfil a complete spectrum of emotional needs and desires (Social media is awash with ‘heteropessimism’. Do young women really think so poorly of men?, 31 March). As many surveys have shown – most recently in a study by Humboldt University – straight men are more likely to be dependent on their female partners and cope worse after separation or divorce.
Connolly suggests that online statements of “heteropessimism” are not being acted on, but Office for National Statistics figures from 2023 show a continuing increase in single households of all ages – a phenomenon that has persisted over the last few decades despite increasing social precarity, spiralling housing costs and what the US sociologist Bella DePaulo describes as the “singles tax” – the financial disadvantage incurred by those who live alone or are unmarried.
As married and partnered women continue to bear a greater burden of housework and childcare in the home, perhaps it’s time to forget the stereotype of the emotionally over-demanding woman and instead look at the actual labour burden placed on wives and, particularly, mothers – and how our social structures enforce and exacerbate this.
Josephine Grahl
Stratford, London
• Rachel Connolly’s musings on “heteropessimism” and young women’s attitudes to relationships with young men reminded me of Marge Piercy’s Body of Glass, published more than 30 years ago, when the main character, Shira, trying to survive in the decimated US of 2059, has a very satisfactory intimate relationship with a robot designed to protect and defend the population.
The robot, Yod, turns out to be a wonderful lover, parent and defender of the rights of women, enabling Shira to regain custody of her son and reunite with her family of origin. Interestingly, Yod kills the ex-husband, but it’s hard to deduce whether he, as a robot defender, is guilty of a crime, or simply doing what he was programmed to do. Prophetic or plus ça change?
Brid Connolly
Maynooth, Ireland
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