As Goop opens in the UK, we chart the 10 most ridiculous things ever sold on Goop

Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow‘s famous wellness company, hasn’t come without controversy since its launch in 2008.

Between dubious health claims, large legal settlements and using NASA in the same sentence, the brand rarely makes press for the right reasons. None-the-less, the launch of Goop’s new pop-up store in London’s Notting Hill is being buzzed about.

“It all started in London — the first iteration of the company was here and my first team was here, and we still have a good readership in the UK, so I really wanted to come home,” Paltrow said of the opening.

“It’s a celebration of what we’ve achieved in a decade. Looking back on where we started… it’s crazy.”

Launching originally as a sort of weekly newsletter of recommendations a decade ago, the brand has continued to grow and was recently valued at $250 million (around £190 million).

Perhaps the most defining part of the Goop reputation is the brand’s penchant for peculiar, overpriced and quirky products sold on its e-store.

From vampire repellent to jellyfish tanks, we chart the most ridiculous things to ever be sold on Goop.

Vampire Repellent, £35

If the threat of vampires seeps into your daily life, you might want to think about investing in some Vampire Repellent spray. Like, duh. For £30, the product promises to “banish bad vibes (and shield you from the people who may be causing them)”. Directions for use? Spray generously around your head to “safeguard your aura”.

Jade Vagina Egg, £65

Gwyneth is a long-time advocate of vagina eggs, and none are more precious that the Jade variety. Retailing for £65, the egg promises to increase sexual energy and pleasure, connecting the second chakra (the heart) and ‘yoni’ (that’s vagina, for non-Goopers).

A Joint Holder, £15

Believe it or not, Goop isn’t opposed to a bit of herbal healing, evidenced by the snazzy joint holder its peddling for £15. The description calls it “sleek and unassuming” product, perfect for storing “small essentials.”

Why am I So Effing Tired? sleep supplements, £90

The supplements at Goop deserve a list of their own, from Why am I So Effing Tired? sleep supplements, to ‘High School Genes’ supplements for menopause, and Balls In The Air supplements, for, well… we couldn’t tell you. They don’t come cheap, though, at £90 a pop.

Clearlight Premier Cedar 2-Person Sauna, £3,041

Yes, it’s not all sleep sprays and vagina eggs at Goop – the brand actually sell saunas. Allowing a week for shipping, you can get your hands on an infrared sauna which Goop calls “the ultimate detoxifying tool”.

Vesper Vibrator Necklace, £145

You can never be too prepared for when the mood might strike, so get Goop suggests you get kitted out with a Vesper Vibrator Necklace. A discreet vibrator masquerading as a necklace, plated in 24-karat gold, it’s as stylish as it is pleasurable. Thoughts?

Chill Child Kid Calming Mist, £30

Some products on Goop are made for the saviour of mothers – such as Chill Child Kid Calming mist. Bit of a mouthful isn’t it? Yes, this aromatherapy mist is designed to be “sprayed into the air around your wild child’s aura to restore peace to the environment.” We’re imagining lots of confused little faces when mum pulls this one out the shopping bag.

Silk Toothbrush, £36

This one certainly beats our £1 Colgate number. Goop urges its customers to buy L’Officine Universelle Buly’s Silk Toothbrush which comes with soft silk bristles and a tortoise shell acetate handle.

Jellyfish Tank, £2,235

Yes, Goop want you to buy a The Darwin Tank – A unique Jellyfish aquarium – that comes with LED lights. Sadly, the jellyfish aren’t included…

Gilded Gold Playing Cards, £1,749

As part of Goop’s Christmas gift guide, the brand where wheeling a £1,749 pack of playing cards which came gilded with a leather case. Because, naturally.

What are you adding to your shopping bag?

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