Cuffing season has arrived! Here’s what you need to know
It’s that time again, people. And no, I’m not talking about Halloween, but something even scarier: it’s officially cuffing season. Time to batten down the hatches and find yourself a cold weather boo to share a pumpkin spiced latte (and, if things go well, a mulled wine and even a Valentine’s card) with. Yep, autumn is in full swing. And strangely, when it comes to dating and relationships, this time of year makes us all yearn for someone to share a fuzzy blanket with. But why...?
Getting ‘cuffed’, AKA making your relationship exclusive or official, is obviously something that happens all year round, but there’s a strange phenomenon which means we all seem to lean into serious relationships and eschew situationships during the cooler months. Nailing down a sure thing to make sure we’re not heading for the holidays solo.
So, if you’ve been enjoying your free and single summer (hi, Brats!) but are suddenly feeling the urge to get into a relationship as winter approaches, it could be the cuffing bug that’s responsible.
So, here’s everything you need to know, plus some cute cuffing season stories from our own Cosmopolitan UK readers...
Cuffing season: A guide
What is cuffing season?
“Cuffing season happens during the autumn and winter months, where individuals have a strong desire to be in a monogamous relationship,” says Lori Brotto, a psychologist specialising in sexuality and a contributing expert to intimacy coaching app Coral.
People who are normally happy to be single may “suddenly find themselves longing to be in a relationship,” adds psychotherapist and sex and relationships expert Lucy Beresford.
Cuffing season is generally thought to start in October and end in March (crucially encompassing Valentine’s Day), as people get into short relationships (or want to get into them) for the cold winter months before becoming single again for summer.
According to research from Paddy Power Games, we’re in for an intense cuffing season this year, with a whopping 49% of Brits saying they’re more likely to couple up for the winter, with a quarter of singletons (26%) saying they feel lonely during the dark and cold nights, 25% wanting someone to do cozy activities with, and 18% feeling left out because all their friends have partners.
Why do people want to be in relationships more during the winter?
“Whether it’s the nights drawing in, the Christmas and New Year parties, or the cold weather, winter can make us feel lonely, bored, or left out, it sets our minds thinking about turning someone we were fooling around with over summer into an actual, you know, ‘partner’,” says Beresford. “Plus, when the grotty weather forces you indoors, it’s nice to know you have a reliable partner with whom you can cook tasty suppers, snuggle on the sofa or have great sex.”
Brotto adds that cuffing season could also be a result of not wanting to appear alone at so many festive celebrations. “It’s more about the aesthetics of having someone on your arm rather than truly valuing that relationship.”
Is there any science behind cuffing season?
“Because the winter days in the northern hemisphere are shorter and colder, we are often less physically active and therefore more prone to restlessness. This can make us very active in finding a romantic partner or turning a fling into something more permanent (for a while),” says Beresford.
“Perhaps there is an evolutionary reason given that in winter months, food was scarce and people had to work together to survive, so those who were with others had a survival advantage,” Brotto speculates, adding: “We also know that mood and depression can be seasonal, so it may be that higher rates of depression and people feeling lonely is triggering a longing for being in a relationship.”
How can you tell if someone just wants to be with you for cuffing season or if they actually want something long-term?
Beresford says tell-tale signs someone is just after a winter relationship could be that they’ve “appeared from nowhere and already things are moving extremely fast, or you’ve known each other casually, and now suddenly you seem to be their ‘one’.”
She adds that they may “take you to tons of parties but never socialise with you there, preferring to chat to others but then snog you on the way home. Or they may make future plans with you — but not beyond Valentine’s Day”.
How can you prevent any confusion/make it clear what you both want?
Beresford recommends having “the ‘chat’ about what you both want from your relationship” by the third date. “Ask yourself if you really, really like this person — or are you, too, guilty of hooking up just so you have someone to invite home for Christmas to get your parents off your back?”
Brotto adds: “The same communication skills that factor in at any other time of the year to determine if someone’s intentions are genuine or not are needed at this time. Communication is key, but also actions sometimes speak louder than words. How does the person behave when they are not with you? How do they talk about you with their friends?”
Cosmopolitan readers share their ‘cuffing season’ stories
1.“I always find myself wanting a boyfriend more as winter comes around. Maybe it’s because I’ve had my fun in the summer and been on loads of girls’ holidays, and then by winter I’m bored of being single and just want somebody stable to see after finishing work. Who has time for going on tonnes of dates when the temperature is Baltic outside?” — Francesca*, 23
2.“I used to say that all I wanted was a relationship during winter, as watching films, cooking, going to watch the fireworks, Christmas parties etc. can all feel so lonely on your own, and seem like romantic things to do. But then I realised if you have a good group of friends you can do all that stuff with them! Also, you don’t have to go through a messy break-up when winter’s over and you want a Hot Girl Summer. You can just spend summer or winter with a few good friends and that’s all you need in my opinion.” — Phoebe, 20
3.“For me, cuffing season isn’t just confined to the winter. I did it the other way around because I wanted a summer boyfriend! I dated a guy at the beginning of June and dumped him as soon as it hit October 31. It was half conscious — I knew I was going to break up with him before November.” — Plum Lea, 22
4.“I can’t say I’ve ever actively decided to get a boyfriend during the winter, but both of my relationships did start in October. I think maybe it’s the most natural time to start a relationship.” — Melissa*, 21
*Names have been changed.
Lucy Beresford is a psychotherapist, sex and relationships expert, TEDx speaker, and author of Happy Relationships at home, work, and play. Follow Lucy on Instagram and Twitter.
Lori Brotto is a professor at the University of British Columbia and author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire.
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