During my IVF journey the support of my workplace was vital

Sharon Dhillon, 47, is managing director of Initiative, a strategic media communications agency. She lives with husband Ranji, 50, a commercial manager and their sons Sevi, 13, and Nico, eight, in Amersham, Bucks. Here she explains how her manager, colleagues and HR department did everything they could to help her through the rollercoaster of IVF treatment.

Becoming a mother was always something I wanted and I never dreamed that I’d have any problems getting pregnant. No one in my family had ever had fertility problems, as far as I knew. So, when Ranji and I started trying for a baby when I was only 30, we thought it would happen quickly.

But it didn’t. After a year or so of doctors telling us that our failure to conceive was ‘probably stress’, tests actually revealed I had severe endometriosis. I had no idea at all. Meanwhile Ranji also had a fertility issue and so IVF was our only option.

It was a shock to both of us but we were determined to become parents. At the time, I was working as a business director for a different company which involved lots of meetings and travel. I suspected immediately that my IVF journey would impact my work life. Some women like to keep this sort of matter very private, and that needs to be respected. But I have always been a very open person and I felt it was important to tell my colleagues what was going on in my life in case I needed to take time off for appointments or tests.

I’ve spoken to many women who have ended up leaving their jobs because their workplaces were so unsupportive while they were undergoing fertility treatment. But I was very fortunate. I spoke to my HR department and my immediate boss and they could not have been more caring and supportive.

As it happened, work was hardly affected at all as Ranji and I were lucky enough to get pregnant straight away on our first round of IVF. Nine months later, we welcomed our son Sevi into the world and we were absolutely thrilled.

Nine exhausting rounds of IVF

But we had been lulled into a false sense of hope. When we decided to try for another child a year later, we needed fertility treatment again. This time proved harder. In fact, it was the start of nearly five years of treatment involving nine exhausting rounds of IVF.

Once again, I decided to be honest and told HR, my boss and one or two colleagues. Again, they were brilliant. It is essential to identify allies in your workplace and surround yourself with people who will be positive and supportive. I found colleagues who I knew I could trust and who would cover for me if necessary.

I warned them that there may be meetings I couldn’t attend and travel I might not be able to go on, because IVF is so unpredictable. You can receive a last-minute phone call about egg collection and embryo transfer and you have no control over it. Those colleagues could not have been more supportive. There were occasions where I simply couldn’t be in a meeting and they would step in for me. It was such a weight off my mind.

Work as a healthy distraction

As I went through the rollercoaster of IVF, work was actually my saviour. I love my job and being able to focus on it during the day helped take some of the mental stress off our fertility journey, which could be very tiring and emotional. I was even promoted while going through IVF, going from business director to client director and then partner at my previous company (before I joined Initiative).

Having a supportive workplace is never more important than when things go wrong with IVF. During my second round, I was potentially pregnant with twins and suffered a bleed before later losing the pregnancy. Any woman who is pumping herself full of hormones and hope during IVF will tell you that the emotional and physical toll is always hard.

Around that time I had been asked to take a work trip and I couldn’t go. But once again, my colleagues never made me feel guilty. They were completely understanding. It made such a difference to my recovery and how I worked forward through the next three months until my next round.

I suffered with various painful symptoms throughout my IVF, including one time where I had over-stimulated my ovaries with drugs to the point I had around 30 eggs ready for collection. I was so bloated and sore. But there was never a day where I thought, 'I’m going to lie in bed and not work.' I needed the distraction of work.

Caring colleagues

The only time I needed to rest at home was after egg transfer, when I was recovering from general anaesthetic. But even then, I was only off for a couple of days. Work never pressured me to go back but I wanted to be there. Of course, everyone is different and I would never criticise any woman for needing to take more time off. But for my own mental stability I wanted time in the office.

Of course, not every work colleague is perfect and people will put their foot in it. I remember one particular senior colleague who had no idea about my fertility problems joked that I’d be off soon, having another baby. I bit my tongue and tried to hide how upset I felt. But having those strong, supportive colleagues around me – particularly the female ones – was helpful at times like this. They’d check in with me regularly, even sending texts to make sure I was ok, and I felt I could talk to them at any time.

Opening up about fertility issues

I’d advise any woman going through IVF to inform her HR department immediately. They were brilliant and I was even able to access some counselling through them, which helped enormously. I had some very dark days and it’s good to be able to talk to someone impartial, who doesn’t know you. I didn’t always want to burden my husband or friends.

Thankfully, so much stigma has been removed from IVF now that more women can be honest about their fertility problems. Employers are also much more aware of looking after the wellbeing and mental health of their employees, so they have a duty to make sure you’re coping. That’s where remote or flexible working can benefit both the employer and the couple going through IVF.

They need to reassure women – as I was – that their career won’t suffer as a result of their IVF journey, because mothers are a vital part of any company. Lose them and you lose so much hard-working talent.