Collective grief: how to navigate your emotions when your favourite celebrity dies
Celebrities can touch and influence our lives in significant and powerful ways, so it's natural to feel a profound sense of grief and loss when they pass away. That mourning can be amplified when their death is unexpected or shocking, as those who felt connected to and found meaning in their work and performance come to terms with a sudden and irrevocable change.
With last night's tragic passing of former One Direction member, Liam Payne, aged 31, heartbroken fans all over the world are expressing an outpouring of grief, with some gathering outside the hotel where he stayed to pay tribute by lighting candles, crying and singing.
One of the most successful boy bands of all time, the group sold over 70 million records worldwide (as of May 2022) and were the world's best-selling artist of 2013. Liam also embarked on a fruitful solo career, releasing his single, 'Strip That Down' in 2017, which was certified platinum in both the UK and the US. His death is sending shock waves rippling throughout his global fan base and the wider music industry.
Sadly, he is yet another pop star who has gone too young, with other seminal musicians like Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse and Janis Joplin all passing away at 27 as part of what has informally become known as the '27 Club'.
WH explores how can grief affect us as a collective group, and how we can cope by moving through these feelings compassionately.
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What is collective grief?
‘Collective grief is when we share a loss broadly and communally, rather than individually,’ says grief specialist and founder of grief.com, David Kessler. This shared grief can occur for a number of reasons, such as the loss of a public figure, the consequences of natural disasters or the aftermath of a terrorist attack. For example, in recent years, we’ve experienced collective grief here in the UK after tragedies such as the Grenfell Tower fire and the Manchester Arena bombing.
During the pandemic, many of us also felt a collective grief, not only for the loss of loved ones to Covid-19, but also for the loss of our freedom and life as we knew it.
The recent death of Liam Payne can evoke a similar grief, mourning the passing of a well-loved star and the change in our lives when we no longer have a recognisable figure as a constant.
Is it possible to mourn someone we’ve never met?
Absolutely, according to Kessler. ‘Grief is ultimately about connection, so it doesn’t have to be about in-person interaction. It doesn’t matter if it’s a celebrity, a member of the royal family, a politician – all you need to feel is a connection with that person.’
However, there’s also the possibility that the grief experienced for a public figure is symptomatic of an underlying change in identity for the person experiencing the loss, whether they met the deceased or not.
‘We chart our own lives through significant moments in history – we remember where we were when a heard that particular person died, for example,’ says Turner. And when we lose that anchoring figure in our own personal narrative? It can be emotionally destabilising, she adds.
Add into the equation that we’re also living through an already emotionally charged time, a mood resulting from the emotional aftermath of the pandemic, and the resulting environmental, political and economic crises. ‘One major issue we’re seeing at the moment is disenfranchised grief,’ says Dr Paquita de Zulueta, a therapist who specialises in trauma.
‘This is grief which comes from a loss that is not acknowledged or given public recognition. We have a lot of disenfranchised grief in this country following the pandemic, where people weren’t allowed to properly grieve the loss of a loved one because of Covid restrictions, which created an accumulation of pain and suffering.’
How do we experience collective grief?
‘Grief is a universal response, meaning that all human beings are capable of feeling it,’ says neuropsychologist Dr Rachel Taylor. ‘It is the brain and the body’s automatic response to the shock of loss.’
And when we receive the news that a loved one has passed? ‘News of a death is the extreme version of loss, and this stimulates the central nervous system to activate the flight, fight and/or freeze response to manage the perceived threat,’ explains Taylor. ‘This response originates in the amygdala, the emotional processing centre of the brain.’
Grief also contributes to surges in the stress hormone cortisol which can hinder restful sleep, leading to chronic stress and an increased likelihood of illness, adds Taylor. ‘Emotions of grief can often feel overwhelming, as the regulation of emotions becomes increasingly harder with an excess of stress hormones in our bodies.’
However, all the experts WH spoke to were keen to point out that grief is a natural response to loss, so while it might feel painful, it isn’t something you necessarily need to medicalise. Instead, they say, the most important thing to do is give yourself time to heal.
How can we deal with these feelings of grief?
1.Find a way to mark your loss
‘Grief is always unique to the person that’s bereaved and to their relationship with the person that’s died,’ says Turner. ‘So, finding a way to honour that connection is important.’ There are obviously no set rules on the best way to do this, however, laying flowers, lighting candles. attending a tribute gathering and sharing stories are all ways in which you could articulate your grief.
2. Keep change minimal
‘The brain does not like change,’ says Taylor, ‘so seek solace and comfort in areas of life that are predictable and certain. Observing nature’s seasons and cycles can be useful as a reminder that spring always follows winter, and life always follows death.’
3. Find your tribe
Kessler advises: ‘Not everyone will understand and experience collective grief, and their comments can be invalidating, so seek out and speak to others who feel the same way as you do to get the support you need.’
4. Respect feelings of grief
Regardless of whether they are your own or someone else’s, understand that these emotions are valid. ‘Know these feelings are real and normal,’ says Kessler. ‘Give yourself permission to talk about them, it’s part of the natural grieving process.’
5. Ask for support if you’re struggling
Organisations such as CRUSE, Marie Curie and the The Good Grief Trust all have advice centres that can help provide support if you’re struggling with loss.
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