Ranked: 43 horrifying retro foods we wish NEVER existed

The retro dishes that haunt us

Some of the greatest recipes are those that have been passed down through generations, but there are also some dishes that should stay firmly in the past. We're talking about the sickly casseroles and multi-coloured ‘salads’ from your grandma’s vintage cookbooks, and the mid-century promotional recipes that involved copious amounts of Spam, Jell-O and Cool Whip (sometimes in the same dish). Here, we've rounded up the most outlandish culinary creations from a time when processed food was king and showy presentation was a given – counting down to the most horrifying dish of all.

Read on to discover 43 nightmarish retro recipes we wish we could unsee. Would you eat any of these today?

We've based our ranking on the shocking nature of each recipe, and on the opinions of our well-travelled (and well-fed) team. The list is unavoidably subjective.

43. Pepped-up beef hash

Looking for a way to make corned beef hash more 'appetising'? Simply serve it stuffed and baked in a parboiled pepper. The finishing touch for this dish is a squeeze of catsup (ketchup) and a little horseradish. It probably tastes palatable (if you're a fan of a breakfast hash), but the presentation means it looks more like something you'd feed to your dog or cat.

42. Coleslaw in a cabbage

Presentation is everything when it comes to getting people excited about coleslaw, and no decades knew this better than the 1960s and 1970s. This advert, published in Woman’s Day in 1966, demonstrates how seafood coleslaw can be made to look like the centre of a flower. It also sets out to prove that cottage cheese coleslaw works well in geometric shapes (or does it?).

41. Sack O' Sauce in a Can O' Meat

In the 1950s, those looking to make Can O' Meat more interesting were encouraged to add a Sack O' Sauce. For the uninitiated, the name of this product, shown here in an Oscar Mayer ad, really says it all. The tinned meat was sold with a separate bag of sauce to mix in before serving, in order to keep the ‘sauce and meat from mingling and losing their distinctive flavors'. Unsurprisingly, the product didn’t hang around for long.

40. Skillet risotto with Velveeta

In the 1970s, the idea of an appetising supper was something along the lines of this rice and beef mince skillet, with squares of Velveeta processed cheese patchworked on top. While it might not sound too bad on the surface (it’s even described as ‘convenient, wholesome, economical and delicious’), the sheen on that plastic cheese is making us think otherwise.

39. Spam Country Dinner

Back in 1958, food manufacturer Hormel Foods posed the big question: 'Which Spam dinner is top winner?' Rather surprisingly, Spam Country Dinner (egg pasta, chicken soup, Spam and vegetables) seized the top spot, followed by 6-in-1 Supper Bake (a Spam, macaroni, mushroom soup and vegetable casserole) and Spam ‘N’ Rice Ring (a rice, Spam and soup bundt filled with vegetables). Oh, how far we’ve come in the past 60 years or so.

38. Creamettes macaroni salad bowl

Another 1960s salad that can only be defined loosely as such, Creamettes macaroni salad bowl was marketed as a 'light and leafy 7-minute meal'. The recipe came packed with ingredients such as Spam, salad oil, mayonnaise, macaroni and Cheddar. The American pasta brand may have thought it could fool consumers with its semi-presentable imagery, but the result was less light and leafy, and more a seven-minute mess.

37. Tomatoes filled with tinned minced steak

You might imagine a 1950s dinner party in Britain to be a sophisticated affair with strong cocktails and delicate canapés – but it turns out that back then, nothing said chic like a hollowed-out tomato filled with tinned beef mince. That's according to this 1958 ad from historic British meat producer Harris of Calne, anyway. The recipe calls for the meaty mixture to be baked inside tomatoes until they’re soft, making for a rather inelegant meal.

36. Spanish olives on everything

Imported Spanish green olives were the height of culinary sophistication back in the day. The salty nibbles were offered as an accompaniment to numerous dishes; people were sticking them on cheese logs, frankfurters, burgers and much more besides. That said, we can’t help but think that this hamburger recipe, published in Good Housekeeping in 1958, would’ve been better without them.

35. Sussex pond pudding

Traditional British steamed puddings are a labour of love that may require hours to cook, but are usually worth the wait – unless you’re talking about Sussex pond pudding, that is. The name doesn't help, but steaming a whole lemon for several hours inside crusty pastry made from suet (a hard white animal fat usually taken from beef) just isn’t worth the effort, in our opinion. The recipe dates back to the 1600s, but it was revived briefly in the 2000s as part of an effort to bring back historic British foods.

34. Campbell's chicken chow mein

This advertisement for a pretty bland-sounding version of chicken chow mein promises a ‘taste of the exotic’, but we can’t see how adding a whole tin of Campbell’s Chicken Soup to a stir-fry can result in anything other than a soggy bowl of noodles. The recipe featured in a 1984 edition of Toronto’s TV Guide – the ad even suggests eating it before heading off to an evening course in Chinese brush painting – and it highlights the explosion in popularity of Chinese Canadian cuisine in the 1980s.

33. 7-Layer Casserole

This 7-Layer Casserole recipe, published in Good Housekeeping in 1958, may look neat and presentable in the picture – but just imagine it after everyone at the buffet table has stuck a fork in. Uncooked rice is topped with sweetcorn, Hunt’s Tomato Sauce, seasoning, chopped onion, green pepper, raw beef mince, a second tin of tomato sauce and bacon before being baked in the oven.

32. Spaghettieis

At first glance, there’s nothing especially unusual about this tasty pile of spaghetti, covered with tomato sauce and dusted with grated cheese. On closer inspection, though, you’ll notice it doesn’t look quite right – the sauce has a sticky, jam-like quality, and those pasta strands are starting to melt. The dish is actually spaghettieis, an ice cream sundae that was invented in 1960s Germany – and which is currently enjoying something of a revival. Combining vanilla ice cream, strawberry sauce and white chocolate shavings, it tastes pretty great, but we can’t quite get over the uncanny presentation.

31. Curry in a Hurry

In a rush? Take a shortcut (if you dare) and make Curry in a Hurry with a couple of quick tricks from Aylmer and Gold Seal tinned foods, as detailed in this 1970s recipe. All you need is tuna, cream of chicken soup, peach slices, mushrooms, onions, curry powder, almonds – and, we imagine, a stomach of steel. Not only does it sound horrific, but it doesn't look appealing, either.

30. Veg-All tuna casserole

Tuna noodle casserole was a massive hit in the 1950s, as it was a cheap and easy way to feed the family. However, this Veg-All Tuna Casserole, made with tinned mixed vegetables, tuna, chopped onion, Worcestershire sauce, breadcrumbs and cheese, takes things a step too far. Published as a recipe idea in 1953 by the retro food brand Veg-All, it doesn't have any pasta in it – and it has ketchup squirted on top.

29. Souper barbecue sauce

In a 1957 issue of Ladies Home Journal, Campbell’s suggested that mixing its tomato soup with brown sugar, vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, sweet pickle relish and chopped onion would produce the perfect accompaniment to any barbecued meat. Just the imagery alone, with the sauce dripping over the sausages and burgers, is enough to put you off.

28. Spaghetti meatball sundae

A savoury dish that looks like a sweet treat isn’t likely to fly with kids today, but Chef Boy-Ar-Dee was pretty proud of this illusion. It insisted that children would love its spaghetti meatball sundae – and that it was nourishing, too. Either tinned spaghetti and meatballs has massively deteriorated in quality since the 1970s, or this advert is overselling itself.

27. Island-style chicken

This 1978 recipe claims it can make Hawaii feel ‘as close as the Campbell’s Soup on your shelf’. However, judging by its appearance and list of ingredients (it combines a tin of Campbell’s Chicken Broth with pineapple chunks, chicken, garlic and green pepper), we’re not so sure. The fact it just asks for ‘chicken parts’ rather than calling out specific cuts is a little questionable, too.

26. Green Beans Gretel

An old-country feast, Green Beans Gretel was published as a recipe in Family Circle in 1963. Del Monte green beans are cooked in butter, onion, chilli peppers, horseradish and mustard, and served with chicken and pasta. So far, so good. But the presentation with the whole roast chicken on top? It’s a little barbaric – and it probably makes carving and serving difficult, too.

25. Campbell’s meatloaf three ways

In the late 1960s, Campbell’s suggested three (pretty terrifying) new ways to present meatloaf. Home cooks were encouraged to try it frosted with mashed potatoes and a drizzle of mushroom soup, formed into a giant meatball to serve over spaghetti with tomato soup, or – perhaps the most horrifying – shaped like a bundt cake and glazed with cheese soup. This vintage advert was published in Good Housekeeping in 1969.

24. Tuna Cheesewiches

American food manufacturer Kraft is known for its bizarre recipes – and this 1953 creation is no different, offering a new take on the classic tuna melt. A mayonnaise-packed tuna salad is piled onto two slices of toasted bread, wrapped with Kraft De Luxe Slices, then baked until the American cheese is gooey and melty. While it sounds relatively appetising, we’re left a little uneasy at the thought of handling it without getting messy (or worse, being scalded by the oozing cheese).

23. South American Salad

Here's yet another ‘exotic’ recipe that sounds (and looks) anything but. In fact, the only ingredients bringing excitement to this fairly basic salad of Kraft cheese, tomatoes, lettuce and cucumber is the pineapple and chopped red chilli – not exactly ‘as exciting a night in Rio’, as the tagline promises. Then again, the ad is taken from an issue of Australian Women’s Weekly from 1949.

22. Lime Jell-O in a pineapple can

The 1970s were awash with crimes against (and committed by) Jell-O, with everything from sausages to whole fish encased in the wobbly lime-flavoured stuff. This grisly looking recipe was a common serving suggestion from tinned fruit brands like Dole, and the one thing it has going for it is simplicity. To make it, you just drain the juice from a pineapple tin, add Jell-O, then let it set – inside the tin, no less. It may not be the most sophisticated dish, but compared to some of the horrors of the time, it probably didn’t taste that bad.

21. Souper sandwiches

In the 1950s, Campbell’s aimed to convince us that sandwiches could be made hot and hearty by substituting the top slice of bread for a sauce made from tinned soup. It suggested chicken soup for a chicken sandwich, tangy tomato soup for a cheese sandwich, creamy celery soup for a ham sandwich, and mushroom soup for a beef sandwich. The advert isn't really selling it to us...

20. Veg-All Pie Plate Salad

Tinned food combinations were a common occurrence in the 1950s, and retro canned food brand Veg-All gifted us this Pie Plate Salad. In this recipe, tinned vegetables are added to lemon gelatine, set in a mould, sliced like a pie and garnished with tartare sauce. Only a couple of slices, and you’d have reached your five-a-day.

19. Spam Brittany

In the 1960s, Spam made regular appearances at dinner tables in the US, having soared in popularity during World War II. This recipe for Spam Brittany, published in Woman’s Day in 1967, jazzes it up by alternating meat slices with apple, then finishing it with an orange marmalade glaze and cloves.

18. Emerald Isle

Baby onions and watery spinach with a runny cream sauce doesn’t sound appetising in the slightest, which could explain why Birds Eye disguised the dish as ‘Emerald Isle’ in this 1960s advert. It's shown served with crispy bacon, but even that doesn’t help its appearance, with the dish looking – and sounding – both confused and horrifying. It’s definitely not a ‘heavenly vegetable twosome’, as described.

17. Toast Basket A La King

This creamy chicken dish was popular throughout the 20th century – and a Swanson recipe for it, published in Family Circle in 1953, even received the Good Housekeeping seal of approval. White bread is spread with margarine, baked in the oven, then topped with a tin of Swanson Chicken à la King. We're not sure a recipe for how to pour tinned food over toast is strictly necessary.

16. Pretty pickle tower

If you're searching for a table decoration that’s functional and filling, look no further. Alice Anderson’s recipe for a pretty pickle tree was published in Chatelaine magazine in December 1967. If you're wondering how to make it – and even if you aren’t – it’s a wedge of cheese with the base trimmed so it stands upright, and it's studded with Heinz pickle slices and pickled onions on toothpicks.

15. Tomato aspic

This Good Housekeeping recipe from 1953 advocates for combining tomato juice with lemon juice, salt, pepper and Knox gelatine to create an assortment of ‘refreshing, colorful, light and main-course salads’. Recommended accompaniments to the jelly-like concoction include prawns and mayonnaise, cottage cheese and chives, and cucumber slices shaped like petals.

14. Susan’s party sandwich loaf

Hosting a birthday gathering? We’d quite understand if you steered clear of Susan’s Party Sandwich Loaf. Published in Good Housekeeping’s Book of Breads and Sandwiches in 1958, this recipe sees a loaf of bread cut horizontally into giant slices, then filled with layers of chicken salad, egg salad and ham salad. Finished with a cream cheese frosting, it's designed to be cut into cake-like slices. Although the fillings are probably quite enjoyable on their own, we’re not sure we can get on board with the birthday cake–like appearance or the mix of flavours.

13. Mett-hog

There’s nothing to see here – just a cute little hedgehog moulded from raw meat. In its basic form, the German dish known as hackepeter (or mett) sees raw minced pork seasoned with salt and pepper, then spread generously over bread or toast. However, when given the 1970s treatment, the rustic dish is formed into a mound, then lovingly decorated with onions and gherkins to look like a sweet hedgehog. Between the 1950s and 1970s, this bizarre creation was often the centrepiece at German birthday parties.

12. Lime, pear and olive carrot moulds

Lemon mayonnaise sounds appealing served with tinned pears and lime jelly, right? What about serving the zingy condiment with lemon jelly, stuffed olives and grated carrots? In 1965, a Kraft Mayonnaise advert in Look magazine wanted us to try these recipes, insisting that a touch of lemon juice was just the ticket to perk up the flavours in these dishes. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't – and thankfully, the idea hasn't resurfaced since.

11. Watergate salad

Another memorable dish from the 1970s we wish we could forget is Watergate salad. Not a salad at all, the dessert consisted of tinned pineapple, mini marshmallows, whipped cream, chopped nuts and Kraft pistachio instant pudding mix. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from it, it’s that throwing handfuls of eclectic sweet ingredients into the same bowl and hoping for the best will rarely produce a decent dessert.

10. Silhouette Salad

Could a chicken-based dish look any less appealing? This unnerving creation, described as ‘a protein-rich, lightweight main dish’, featured in an issue of American magazine McCall’s in 1957. The ‘chicken-in-the-ring' is made up of Swanson boned chicken, celery, green pepper, chopped chilli peppers, grated onion and cream of chicken or cream of mushroom soup – and it's all held together with Knox gelatine. We can only imagine the bizarre textures involved.

9. Frank and corn crown

A not-so-regal celebration of tinned food in all its glory, this striking recipe features a ‘crown’ of frankfurters stuck into a kind of stuffing made with creamed corn, peppers, butter, breadcrumbs and egg. It featured in the 1968 edition of the Better Homes and Gardens Meat Cook Book, which boasts a feast of retro horrors like this.

8. Surprise! mayonnaise mould

Surprise! This mould of mayonnaise from the 1970s was the height of impressive hosting in its day. Looking like the result of hours of work in the kitchen, it actually comes from a recipe box that showed you exactly what ingredients to use. A masterful meal, or masterful marketing from Knox? You decide.

7. Cling-a-Ling salad

With a name like Cling-a-Ling salad, you just know it’s going to be dreadful. This recipe from a 1967 issue of Family Circle magazine is for a double-layer jelly made from Miracle Whip (a mayonnaise alternative), gelatine, instant pudding and cling peaches, all served on a bed of iceberg lettuce. An odd mix of sweet and savoury, we doubt it was as 'good and easy' as the ad suggested.

6. Hot dog plate

This alarming hot dog plate was seen in a 1942 McCall's magazine feature that urged readers to try out a new type of skinless frankfurter. It described the hot dogs as tender and nourishing, and encouraged home cooks to serve them with fried potatoes and chilli sauce. If presentation is key, this dish must surely go down as highly questionable.

5. Fruit mayonnaise with roast chicken

Mayonnaise was the star ingredient of many culinary experiments from the 1970s – and Australian diners certainly weren’t spared the ordeal of eating dishes likes this one from a 1973 edition of women’s magazine New Idea. Combining Nestlé Condensed Milk and canned fruit to make an ‘All-Australian Fruit Mayonnaise’, the result is supposed to be served with roast chicken, cold meats or salmon. The uncanny presentation, with the overflowing mayo salad piled on a plate alongside what looks like a suspiciously shiny roast chicken, doesn’t help matters.

4. Jell-O salad

Somehow, for the best part of a century, Jell-O convinced the US that it was a necessary ingredient in salad – yet miraculously, we survive without it now. It came in six flavours, but a popular one was lime, displayed in this vintage advert featuring pieces of olives, celery and cheese. The advice was not to let a week go by without serving a Jell-O salad; somewhat surprisingly, keen home cooks were happy to oblige.

3. Liver sausage pineapple

Perhaps one of the most questionable recipes we’ve come across (both in its appearance and in its ingredients list) this giant pineapple centrepiece isn’t made from fruit at all. Instead, the dish is made by mixing liver sausage with Worcestershire sauce, mayonnaise and lemon juice, wrapping the whole lot around a jam jar, then adding a gelatine-mayonnaise frosting in a bid to emulate the appearance of the tropical fruit. The recipe was published in the 1953 Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook, and we’re glad it hasn’t resurfaced since.

2. Patio Platter

This Patio Platter from Miracle Whip and Knox, published in Reader’s Digest in 1965, was presented as the perfect party dish. The fruit cocktail and mayonnaise jelly was said to pair perfectly with cold cuts of ham, chicken or turkey and Kraft cheese slices. It also contained an utterly odd secret ingredient: frozen lemonade concentrate.

1. Ham and bananas Hollandaise

This monstrous creation would certainly be a talking point at brunch. Taken from McCall’s Great American Recipe Card Collection from 1973, this bizarre riff on eggs Benedict saw bananas wrapped in ham, smothered with a buttery Hollandaise sauce and baked in a casserole dish until golden. How do you serve such a creation? According to the recipe, it’s ‘nice with a green salad for brunch or lunch'. We’re not quite so sure…

Now discover the retro dishes that deserve a comeback