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Mystery solved: USA speed skaters' highlighted crotch uniform design

casey gutting
SSKATING-OLY-2018-PYEONGCHANG (L-R) USA’s Heather Bergsma, USA’s Brittany Bowe and USA’s Mia Manganello reacts after the women’s team quarter-final speed skating event during the Pyeongchang 2018 Winter Olympic Games. (Getty Images)
SSKATING-OLY-2018-PYEONGCHANG (L-R) USA’s Heather Bergsma, USA’s Brittany Bowe and USA’s Mia Manganello reacts after the women’s team quarter-final speed skating event during the Pyeongchang 2018 Winter Olympic Games. (Getty Images)

If you’ve been paying attention, you may have noticed the fashionable design choice of the Olympic speed skaters’ uniforms, specifically the inner thigh region. The majority of the suits are a solid blue color, highlighted by large gray ovals on the area of the body that is, well, an area of anatomy typically only discussed after some serious wining and dining.

The explanation from the uniform design company, Under Armour, is of course science-based: “ArmourGlide”. (insert bad joke here)

“ArmourGlide” is a super slick material that apparently reduces friction up to 65%, which I’m told tops the varnish and lubricant charts made famous by world-renowned expert, Clark W. Griswold (that was bad joke).

So why the “ArmourGlide” development for 2018?

Under Armour was under pressure (see what I did there?) after the 2014 Sochi Olympics speed skater uniform disaster. The uniforms were completely ditched half-way through the 2014 games and Team USA failed to medal in speed skating for the first time in 30 years. The determined reason was the high-tech “skin suit” developed with design assistance from aerospace and defense giant, Lockheed Martin.

The 2018 sequel to the “skin-suit” was “ArmourGlide” or what I’m referring to as “Olympic crotch-pants”.

GANGNEUNG, SOUTH KOREA – FEBRUARY 18: Emery Lehman and Jonathan Garcia of the United States warm up prior to the Men’s Team Pursuit Speed Skating Quarter Finals on day nine of the PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympic Games. (Getty Images)
GANGNEUNG, SOUTH KOREA – FEBRUARY 18: Emery Lehman and Jonathan Garcia of the United States warm up prior to the Men’s Team Pursuit Speed Skating Quarter Finals on day nine of the PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympic Games. (Getty Images)

As you can imagine, twitter’s finest had a few opinions on the matter.

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA – APRIL 27: Speed skater K.C. Boutiette poses for a portrait during the Team USA PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics photo sessions. (Getty Images)
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA – APRIL 27: Speed skater K.C. Boutiette poses for a portrait during the Team USA PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics photo sessions. (Getty Images)

Under Armour has yet to define publicly whether or not “ArmourGlide” can be produced in any color other than gray, which would explain the reason for highlighting the athlete’s nether-regions.

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• Adam Rippon won’t actually be an NBC Olympic correspondent
• Vonn playing ‘mind games’ after third-place training run
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