For the opening month or so, the Texas Rangers were a cute story. But it’s deep enough into the season now to promote the theme. They’re not going anywhere.

The Rangers were unlucky — or perhaps overly optimistic — with the Jacob deGrom signing. But Nathan Eovaldi has stepped in as a staff ace, the starters behind him are reliable, and everyone is backed by the best lineup in baseball. Texas ranks first in runs, batting average and OBP, and the Rangers slot third in slugging and OPS. They haven’t stepped into the running revolution of 2023 — just 40 steals, ranking 24th — but it hasn’t held them back much.

The Rangers are officially must-see TV.

Let's jump into the commentary portion of the show. Here's how I rank all the teams for their fantasy utility, starting with the least-useful team and moving down to the juggernauts. I've considered stats and team ranks, but there's also some special sauce in the mix.

You need a little art with your science. You need to add a little soul, a little swing.

(Previous fantasy team ranks are in parentheses; here's the full listing from May, if you're so inclined.)

30. Oakland Athletics (30)

Estuary Ruiz is headed for 80 steals and it’s tied to a passable average. JP Sears is having a funky season — 1.06 WHIP (great), 4.24 ERA (quasi-playable), just one win in 14 starts. Live with the A’s.

29. Colorado Rockies (27)

This is shocking, the Rockies having just one player (Ryan McMahon) in the Top 175 in banked 5x5 value. Nolan Jones and Elias Diaz have been useful. The pitching is a untouchable mess, as usual.

28. Detroit Tigers (28)

Their two big earners are Eduardo Rodriguez, currently hurt, and closer Alex Lange, likely to be on the trading block in a few weeks. Spencer Torkelson has shown modest improvement, but he’s still below the league average in efficiency metrics (wRC+, most notably). It hasn’t happened yet.

27. Washington Nationals (29)

Lane Thomas is having a delightful year as the leadoff man, quietly slotting 29th in 5x5 value. Unfortunately for Thomas, there are no running mates — the Nats don’t have anyone else in the Top 200, though Jeimer Candelario’s bat has been helpful of late.

26. Kansas City Royals (26)

Bobby Witt has decent pop and plus-plus speed, so we look past that ugly .289 OBP. Now that Vinnie Pasquantino is hurt, the Royals only have two players on the positive side of the OPS+ equator, Salvador Perez and Edward Olivares.

25. Chicago White Sox (24)

Fantasy Baseball’s biggest disaster, because we used decent ADP capital on so many of these guys. Maybe the injury gods are never going to let up with Eloy Jimenez. Lance Lynn might be finished at age 36.

24. Milwaukee Brewers (19)

They only have three players charting in the Top 200, and Corbin Burnes isn’t one of them. Only two hitters are better than league average in OPS+, Christian Yelich and William Contreras.

23. Cleveland Guardians (21)

Dedicated closer Emmanuel Clase breaks Cleveland’s fall a little bit, and at least Jose Ramirez has started to hit like the star he is. It’s still a fairly punchless lineup, however, and presumed ace Shane Beiber is a walking red flag this year.

22. Minnesota Twins (17)

Maybe throwing six years and $200 million to Carlos Correa, fresh off two failed physicals, wasn’t such a hot idea. Even with Byron Buxton shifting to a DH-only role, he wasn’t able to avoid the injured list. His offense has also been a problem: .202/.306/.409.

21. Pittsburgh Pirates (22)

They’re fun, and they run. Anyone can win the NL Central. I’d love to see them add a piece or two in July.

20 Miami Marlins (23)

I wish I had a good Sandy Alcantara explanation for you, I do not (here's the Miami Herald take). A healthy A.J. Puk can be a lockdown closer. Come back soon, Jazz Chisholm.

19. St. Louis Cardinals (16)

Jordan Hicks has ironed out the kinks, reeling off three saves in a row. May we all age as gracefully as Paul Goldschmidt. Unfortunately, this starting rotation hasn’t given us any right answers.

18. Boston Red Sox (14)

James Paxton has been a find and at least Kenley Jansen is an automatic closer. A healthy Adam Duvall is just what the offense needed.

17. New York Yankees (7)

Things get thin when Aaron Judge is hurt — Gleyber Torres and Anthony Rizzo are the only other hitters to chart here through the opening 13 weeks. Clay Holmes had a rough patch but he’s back to being a lawnmower at the end.

16. Chicago Cubs (8)

I realize the best pitcher doesn’t have to be the capital-C closer, but I’d still give Adbert Alzolay this gig and leave him alone.

15. New York Mets (18)

The lineup might be underrated right now, with Tommy Pham helping out and the kids showing promise. But the old rotation has been an injury mess since Day 1. The Mets don’t look like a playoff team.

14. San Francisco Giants (13)

Thairo Estrada is one of the best players hardly anyone talks about. I had lofty expectations for this pitching staff before the year, but only Logan Webb has answered the call.

13. Philadelphia Phillies (15)

Kyle Schwarber’s pop showed up in June, as it often does, though he’s still stuck under the Mendoza. Trea Turner sits 144th in banked value, a stunning .247/.297/.385 push through 71 games. At least he’s still running.

12. Houston Astros (11)

Take Yordan Alvarez out of this lineup and nobody is afraid of the Astros. I’m curious if Hunter Brown will be on a modest innings cap.

11. Cincinnati Reds (25)

Their collected fantasy value ranks them around 14th, and that’s without Elly De La Cruz being factored in yet. My co-manager and I spent about 48 hours trying to trade for De La Cruz in a keeper league — and of course, we couldn’t get the other manager to budge. All the FOMO.

10. San Diego Padres (9)

They have four players inside the Top 75 in banked value, then it dips down to Xander Bogaerts at No. 171. Nobody expected Michael Wacha to be the staff ace for two months.

9. Seattle Mariners (12)

I still expect Julio Rodriguez to toy with the American League this summer, and to be a Top 5 pick next year. Imagine how deep this rotation would be had Robbie Ray not gotten hurt.

8. Los Angeles Angels (10)

Shohei Ohtani is too good to be true. Carlos Estevez has been a stable closer. Mike Trout’s running game shut down after 2019.

7. Baltimore Orioles (6)

The light has gone on for Gunnar Henderson, and Adley Rutschman will be baseball’s best catcher any minute now. I continue to insist Dean Kremer has deeper-league value.

6. Arizona Diamondbacks (20)

The most underrated lineup in baseball — Corbin Carroll is already a star, but he has help. The rotation could use fortification on the back end, but the bullpen has been useful, even without a dedicated closer.

5. Toronto Blue Jays (3)

Perhaps this feels like a speculation ranking, because the performance to date doesn’t justify a Top 5 spot. The park adjustments haven’t boosted offense as expected, either. The Blue Jays look better from the display window than they do on the field, but I’m not giving up yet.

4. Los Angeles Dodgers (4)

Enjoy every sandwich, and enjoy every Clayton Kershaw start. It doesn’t feel like Mookie Betts is doing anything that special, and there he is, slotted 10th in banked value. His floor has always been a gift.

3. Atlanta Braves (2)

Ronald Acuña Jr. is the best player in the National League, perhaps all of baseball. I was ready to follow Spencer Strider into a burning building about six weeks ago, but there's a velocity dip and he hasn't been nearly as effective since the middle of May. Matt Olson homers never land, but I’d like 20-30 additional points on the batting average.

2. Tampa Bay Rays (1)

They get a mild fantasy ding for being so platoon heavy — navigating the daily lineup shifting is a pain in the neck — and the rotation could use one additional piece. Still, it’s hard to imagine Tampa Bay not being one of the Final Four teams standing in October.

1. Texas Rangers (5)

It’s the deepest lineup in baseball — no one’s really close at the moment — and the rotation has been surprisingly useful. Will Smith doesn’t have electric stuff in the ninth, but he’s competent enough. Marcus Semien, Adolis Garcia, Nathan Eovaldi and Josh Jung all rank in the Top 15 in banked value. Imagine if the Rangers were getting a healthy season from Jacob deGrom.