March comes in like a lion, goes out like a lamb. April, though, comes in like a Cub and goes out like a National.

The rankings (records through Wednesday’s games):

1. Washington Nationals (15-6; Previous: 5): Nats really focused on their first 100 wins.

2. Houston Astros (14-7; Previous: 8): Beltran turns 40, targets seventh-inning stretch for a good nap.

3. Baltimore Orioles (14-6; Previous: 10): Unwritten Code of Hammurabi: a head for a knee.

4. Chicago Cubs (12-9; Previous: 1): Cubs hand out rings with pre-nuptial agreements. Employees immediately consider gym membership and Botox.

5. Boston Red Sox (11-9; Previous: 2): The season doesn’t really start until Mookie Betts strikes out.

6. Colorado Rockies (14-8; Previous: 14): Bud Black takes over Coors Field ticket window (really), accidentally sells owner’s suite to a Brownie troop and three guys who got lost backpacking the Colorado Trail.

7. New York Yankees (12-7; Previous: 20): Every time Yankees lose to a lefty, Bill O’Reilly shakes his fist at heavens.

8. Cleveland Indians (11-9; Previous: 3): It will be said Francisco Lindor turning down $100 million amounts to “betting on himself.” Pete Rose now totally exasperated.

9. Arizona Diamondbacks (14-9; Previous: 19): Lovullo says upstart D’backs “feeding off each other.” Makes Lamb a little nervous.

10. Los Angeles Dodgers (10-12; Previous: 4): One look at ERA and Dodgers wonder if wrong Romo retired.

11. New York Mets (8-12; Previous: 6): While it seems everyone on club is beat up and achy, Syndergaard is just kind of Thor.

12. Texas Rangers (10-12; Previous: 12): If Cowboys run out of ideas in later rounds, Rangers suggest a nice power arm they could borrow from time to time.

13. Detroit Tigers (11-9; Previous: 9): Seriously, at this point you’d think they would’ve found a bullpen under the sofa cushions or something.

14. Tampa Bay Rays (11-12; Previous: 13): Through three weeks, Rays lead AL in runs. Yes, baseball runs.

15. St. Louis Cardinals (9-11; Previous: 16): Cards right ship, head toward Heyward side of the isle.

16. Miami Marlins (10-9; Previous: 22): I made a competitive bid on the Marlins and all I got was this lousy gift basket.

17. Cincinnati Reds (10-12; Previous: 23): Reds hilariously troll in-stadium Cubs fans. Fun for Reds fans to laugh at something else.

18. Pittsburgh Pirates (9-12; Previous: 15): With the end of the Marte par-tay, Pirates look into Glasnow luau.

19. Milwaukee Brewers (12-11; Previous: 29): Brewers hit a ton of home runs. Meantime, Cubs appear to have developed a tic when talking about them.

20. Seattle Mariners (9-13; Previous: 17): If you believe exit velo numbers, Motter hits it farther.

21. Chicago White Sox (11-9; Previous: 27): White Sox still sorting out who they’re going to be. Thinking fireman or astronaut would be cool.

22. San Francisco Giants (8-14; Previous: 7): Sometimes you hit for the cycle. Sometimes the cycle hits back.

23. Toronto Blue Jays (6-14; Previous: 11): Blue Jays so bad they’re a little nervous about declaring record on way back through customs.

24. Oakland Athletics (10-11; Previous: 24): Adam Rosales breaks own record for fastest home run trot, doing his pace-of-play part to bring back the real intentional walk.

25. Los Angeles Angels (11-12; Previous: 18): On give-away night, club sets record for most capes worn in one place. Trout brought his own.

26. Philadelphia Phillies (10-9; Previous: 25): The first playoff odds are out. Of similar importance in Philly, so is the weather report in Micronesia.

27. Minnesota Twins (10-11; Previous: 26): Twins mumbling to themselves: “Please don’t be this year’s White Sox, please don’t be this year’s White Sox, please don’t be …”

28. Kansas City Royals (7-14; Previous: 21): Royals just now getting used to being figureheads.

29. San Diego Padres (9-14; Previous: 28): Have to admit it’s weird to have better record than teams that are trying to win.

30. Atlanta Braves (7-12; Previous: 30): Original MLB constitution is up for auction and is particularly valuable despite faded Bartolo Colon signature.