Kyrie Irving doubles down on his flat-Earth theory and can now control his dreams
Kyrie Irving believes the Earth is flat. This much we learned just before the All-Star break.
NBA commissioner Adam Silver was among those who figured the Cleveland Cavaliers point guard must’ve been just making a point about fake news, but no. Kyrie Irving believes the Earth is flat. He doubled down during another appearance on the Road Trippin’ podcast with Richard Jefferson and Channing Frye, taking issue with media and scientists dismissing his conspiracy theory as nonsense.
“It’s OK to think something that I guess the majority wouldn’t think,” Irving elaborated. “I just didn’t like the fact that us being able to celebrate our individuality and things that we ultimately hold onto, and just because we don’t believe what the world thinks or a majority thinks, then why punish that? That’s the only thing I felt like got misconstrued. It’s OK to believe one thing. It’s OK to have your own thoughts and be able to function and be able to formulate your own thoughts and opinions and still be able to convey them to other people.”
First of all, I’m not sure what that means, which isn’t surprising, since that statement came from somebody who minutes later cited the national debt as evidence the Illuminati runs the world. Second of all, if it’s OK to believe one thing, it’s OK to believe the flat-Earth society is nonsense.
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I might be a little obsessed with this topic. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how the guy who made one of the biggest shots in NBA Finals history is under the impression the Earth is flat. Just last week, I was fortunate enough to watch the sun set over the ocean, and all I could think about was how Irving must believe the sun sets into the Earth. Don’t even get me started about how he was born in Australia and travels to different time zones for a living. This will never not be hilarious to me.
Asked what it was like answering questions about his flat-Earth theory at the All-Star Game, hearing Silver speak on the subject during his state-of-the-league address and seeing astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson respond publicly, Irving said he was pleased he could get the conversation started.
Let me summarize that conversation:
Kyrie Irving: “The Earth is flat.”
Sane people everywhere: “No it’s not.”
Kyrie Irving: “The Earth is flat.”
Neil deGrasse Tyson: “I will launch you into space.”
Kyrie Irving: “The Earth is flat.”
We are not convincing Irving the globe isn’t flat, which is cool, because it’s much, much funnier that way. Speaking of which, recently released Cavaliers guard Jordan McRae visited Irving in a dream so that the four-time All-Star could tell his journeyman friend he loved him one more time. Really. This, according to Irving, who relayed the story to Jefferson and Frye on their plane ride back from Boston.
Let’s set the scene, as Irving tells it. He found out the Cavs waived McRae to make room for Andrew Bogut at brunch on March 1, the morning before they played the Celtics. McRae and Irving are close. They each wear puzzle piece necklaces that fit together, as you probably did with your best friend in eighth grade. Settling down in his hotel room for a pregame nap that afternoon, Irving listened to an “investigative dialogue” between physicist David Bohm and philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti.
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“They’re talking about intimacy and freedom of thought,” said Irving. “We’re talking about being able to dig deep down and be able to free your mind no matter what, and the conversations are crazy.”
Now that the scene is set, here are the goods:
“While I’m sleeping, there’s this moment where I’m like, ‘Ah, man, I feel like I want to get up right now, but I can’t,’ so I felt like I was looking at myself sleep,” said Irving, who mentioned he was sleeping on his back.
“I kept hearing the door, and I kept seeing somebody and I kept feeling something go over me — like over my back,” he added. “And I’m like, ‘I can’t wake up, I can’t wake up,’ but I’m so conscious of what’s going on. Like, I know what’s going on, but I’m very, very conscious. But the thing about it is, I don’t know if you guys have the same thing, but I can control my dreams.
“When I was younger, when you would get into a chase with somebody or you would get into a fight with somebody or you were doing something with your family members, I’m very conscious of my dreams and what’s going on and I can control them. So, while I’m conscious, I’m still, I’m not awake, I’m in a deep sleep, but I’m watching myself and I feel like Jordan is trying to say goodbye.
“So, I’m like, ‘Damn, would the cleaning lady let him in? Would somebody let him in?’ I kept hearing the door open, but I still can’t wake up, so I’m still feeling a presence over me. I’m still feeling a presence, but I’m not scared. I’m not scared, I’m not nervous, I’m not fearful of it. I’m just like, ‘Yo, wake up,’ so I wake up, and I’m still so tired, and I wake up and I kind of yell it. I’m like, ‘I love you, bro!’ I’m like, ‘I love you bro!’ And nobody’s in the room, but I’m waking up and I’m telling myself, ‘Tell him one more time that you love him. Tell him one more time.’ I’m sleeping, I’m so conscious of what’s going on, I’m like, ‘Wake up, tell him one more time.’ And I finally woke up and I was frozen, but when I woke up, I was like, ‘I love you, bro!’”
I mean, who hasn’t felt their friend hovering over their back while they slept, decided to watch themselves sleep in their sleep and told themselves to wake up because said friend just wants to say goodbye? Me, I got lost when Irving woke up. Did he wake himself up in a dream or did he really wake up? I prefer to believe Irving was actually in the hotel yelling, “I love you, bro,” to an empty room.
The wokest player in the NBA just got woker. Kyrie Irving is so woke he’s woke in his sleep.
“It was nutty,” said Irving, “and people are probably going to think I’m crazier after this, but that’s fine.”
It is fine. It’s totally fine. Everything is fine. Kyrie Irving just believes the Earth is flat, he can control his dreams and ex-teammates are visiting him in his sleep. Nothing to be concerned about. This is fine.
Actually, Irving controlling his dreams is the best explanation for how he made that shot over Stephen Curry to cap a 3-1 comeback against the 73-win Golden State Warriors and win a title for Cleveland.
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Ben Rohrbach is a contributor for Ball Don’t Lie and Shutdown Corner on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at rohrbach_ben@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @brohrbach
