With respect to our parents, sometimes in life, our given names fall to the wayside as we grow older. By luck, circumstance, or choice, nicknames can often take center stage and eventually become a part our new identities. This is especially true in sports, where nicknames sometimes help to define a player, and the NBA is no exception.

Some nicknames are obvious and timeless, like “MJ” or “AI”. Others may come about organically but take root quickly like Paul Pierce’s “The Truth” or Kevin Garnett being known as “The Big Ticket.” Still other nicknames are hard-fought and self-enforced, like “Batman” was for Grant Williams.

There are plenty of nicknames to go around when it comes to the 2023-24 Boston Celtics. Some of these will be familiar to fans and really fit the player. If we’re being honest, however, some of the player nicknames on this Celtics team may be a little surprising or need an update. Let’s hop in and sort out what’s what.

Jayson Tatum - Taco Jay, Big Deuce

Jayson Tatum’s most well-known nickname is probably “Taco Jay,” a reference to his favorite food. This love for tacos spurred a number of posts on social media and even a special edition of Air Jordans.

As far as nicknames go, it works quite well. It’s punchy, easy to remember, and it’s not trying too hard. As we’ll see, sometimes athlete nicknames are a bit of a stretch.

Tatum’s other most prominent nickname is “Big Deuce,” a reference to his status as a father. His son, Jayson Tatum Jr. famously goes by “Deuce,” an excellent nickname in and of itself. The older Jayson even has a tattoo on his hand with the phrase “Big Deuce.”

Jaylen Brown - JB, Old Man

The nickname situation for Jaylen Brown is a little underwhelming. Calling him “JB” is reasonably popular and gets the job done. It actually pairs well alongside Jayson “JT” Tatum, too. But realistically it’s a little uninspired, and not quite on par with the aforementioned likes of MJ or AI.

“Old Man” had some potential to be an instant classic when Brown was still young. It’s a family nickname and a reference to Brown’s intellectual pursuits and curiosities.

That said, Brown spent the 2023 offseason at Paris Fashion Week and teaching technology and science to high schoolers. He’s probably a bit too much on the bleeding edge of culture to be the “Old Man” in the room.

Al Horford - Godfather

Speaking of old men, Al Horford has one of the best nicknames on the Celtics roster. It’s actually a moniker he picked up in college as a stoic leader of the Florida Gators, but much like a fine wine, it’s only gotten better with age.

Horford, 37, is the eldger statesman of the Celtics, and a key voice in the locker room. He balances quiet leadership by making “big, emotional plays” on the court. It’s this marriage of reserve and action that make Al Horford basketball’s “Godfather.”

Kristaps Porzingis - Godzingis, Zinger

The nickname situation for Porzingis is, in a word, messy. He offers a bunch of over-used or poorly used nicknames to choose from, none of which really land.

“Unicorn” was probably the first one NBA fans became aware of, but that term has lost all meaning thanks to an abundance of play-making big men and its subsequent overuse. “Godzingis” is sort of awesome, but at the same time feels pretty embarrassing to use in earnest.

“The Zinger” kind of works, actually. Not only is it dumb and playful in the best of ways, it’s also the name of an internationally-acclaimed KFC chicken sandwich. Say it with Mike Gorman’s traditional non-rhotic Boston accent, and you’re cooking with gas.

Robert Williams III - Time Lord

It wasn’t too long ago when Robert Williams III had one of the better nicknames in the NBA. Now, however, “Timelord” feels sort of over-worn and gentrified by national media. Once a bonafide grassroots nickname, the shine has come off the apple in a big way.

Still, it’s unlikely “Timelord” will be replaced anytime soon. I do quite like “Lob Williams,” but that’s harder to use outside of a single play or quip. Likewise, I don’t think his childhood nickname of “Boo Butt” is poised to catch on, much to my chagrin.

Derrick White - The Buffalo

“The Buffalo” is the fantastic nickname for Derrick White. He is, after all, a Colorado native and an alum of the Colorado Buffaloes men’s basketball program.

At the time of this writing, the nickname also works quite well because of White’s chosen hairstyle and facial hair. Still, even if he has gone for the clean-shaven look, all the power to him. (I’m sure Anthony Davis and James Harden are a little exhausted by their facial hair-inspired personal brands.)

Malcolm Brogdon - Humble Moses, the President

It’s an embarrassment of riches when it comes to Malcolm Brogdon and nicknames. Unfortunately, though, these all rarely get used in day-to-day Celtics discourse.

“Humble Moses” is a family nickname and a reference to his middle name and modest demeanor. It’s quirky, fun, and unique. “The President” comes from his college days. It’s a little too austere, but it’s not impossible. If LeBron James can be “The King,” why can’t Brogdon run for president?

There are two other nicknames Brogdon has in the cupboard, both of which I feel are promising. Brogdon’s father used to call him “Mookie Dew” as a child because of the way he ran around like former NBA All-Star Mookie Baylock. It has a great origin story, it’s unique, and fun to say. “Mookie Dew” is a winner in my book.

“Uncle Malcolm” also has appeal, but at the end of the day probably doesn’t move the needle enough to register as Brogdon’s best nickname option.

Payton Pritchard - Fast PP

It wasn’t long into his Celtics career that fans found Payton Pritchard’s Twitter and his original Twitter handle. From there, “Fast PP” was born. And even if the plucky guard has since changed his social media name, he did eventually try and brand his nickname.

As far as nicknames go, this is hard to top. It illicites a giggle while also being pretty apt. No notes.

Sam Hauser - Big Smooth

Hauser’s “Big Smooth” nickname is another product of social media. And although, thankfully, most sites will let you change your handle once you graduate from being a teenager, Hauser is still rocking the “Big Smooth” title.

Luke Kornet - Green Kornet

Here is why the first idea isn’t always the best idea. Because as much as “Green Kornet” looks like the perfect nickname, it doesn’t really work.

First, superhero nicknames are a little overplayed. Other than Shaquille O’Neal being “Superman” or hip hop’s Ghostface Killah moonlighting as Tony Stark, these are usually flat. (Sorry, Grant Williams.)

More importantly perhaps, “Kornet” and “Hornet” aren’t pronounced the same way. Maybe a pedantic critique, but I stand by it. The tallest American-born player in the NBA deserves a better nickname.

Final thoughts

Boston’s bounty of nicknames transcends individual players. Head coach Joe Mazzulla has earned the title “Bazooka Joe,” a clever homage to his love of chewing gum.

The duo of Tatum and Brown sometimes go by “Fire and Ice.” I’m proud to report I think this shared nickname is pretty dumb. Such is life as a sports fan.

A few players still need nicknames, like rookie Jordan Walsh. Should anything pop up, perhaps he’ll join the list of great nicknames for the 2023-24 Boston Celtics.

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Story originally appeared on Celtics Wire