People Are Sharing The Secrets Their Parents Will Die Never Knowing And Some Of These Are Downright Disturbing
Recently, we wrote about secrets people have kept from their parents, and the BuzzFeed Community* submitted some of their own responses. Here's what they had to get off their chests.
We also used responses from this Reddit thread.
NOTE: There are mentions of sexual abuse, rape, addiction, drug use, eating disorders, and violence.
1."My mom still doesn't know most of my stories. She had no idea I was picking up drugs from people in a very notorious biker gang; I'm sure you have heard of them. I was 16 when I started selling. I was using at 15; by 17, it was coke, meth, mushrooms, LSD, and my drug of choice, OxyContin, which developed into a very serious, decadelong addiction. It got to the point (this was the very early 2000s before it became a widespread problem, so they were still relatively cheap) where I had a $2k/month habit just on Oxy. When I was 18, I narrowly avoided getting caught with a quarter ounce of coke, a half sheet of LSD, and a bunch of Oxy, and I mean narrowly avoided it back then that would have gotten me at least 15 years. It took becoming a parent to finally clean up when I was 27. I've been clean ever since. I am now 40 and rarely even drink."
2."When I was 24, I met a man from Hungary who had married a woman here in the States for citizenship. He told me he had a friend who needed someone to marry and would pay. His friend paid me $4,000 to marry him. Once married, we were supposed to go through a whole process to get documents for his citizenship. I rarely spoke to him because he hardly spoke any English, so I decided it was too risky and I didn't want to get caught, so I divorced him right away and kept his money. My dad found out somehow but said not to tell my mom."
—Anonymous
3."The man my mother knew her whole life as her father is NOT. I found this out through 23andme. My grandmother, who recently passed away a couple of weeks ago, must have had an affair. There are a host of reasons why I keep this from her. My mother was with who she thought was her father for quite a while as he was dying a couple of years ago, and also her mother as she withered away in a nursing home and finally expired a few weeks ago. My father agrees that this information would not fall on very accepting ears. I found out since then who my REAL grandfather is (who my grandmother had an affair with), but he passed away years ago anyway. She has a half-sister I met who knows about my mom."
4."I kept a few secrets from my birth family as a whole. My first secret is that I was sexually abused by a female babysitter in 1996 at the age of nine. I repressed that memory until I started having nightmares about it at the age of 24. When I told my Mom about it after seeking counseling about my nightmares, she said it kind of makes sense now. The babysitter acted as though she was afraid to talk to me after the sexual abuse happened."
"My second secret is that at the age of 14, a classmate introduced me to sex work and committing petty thief crimes. She showed me how to act older, when to change my clothes, how to steal, etc. As soon as I transferred to another high school, I cut off contact with my friend.
My third secret is that I had an affair with a married next-door neighbor at age 16. He would call my house, and we would fool around at his place whenever my family wasn't home. I left him when I found out that he was using drugs. All things I did, I take full responsibility for."
—Anonymous
5."I knew my dad was sexually assaulting my mom night after night. I often wondered if he cared that my brother and I knew how he mistreated her; maybe he didn't think it was wrong or thought because she was his wife, he could do that. I never said anything about it to my younger brother, and he never mentioned it to me, but I can't imagine he didn't know. I never confronted my dad, either. It bothered me terribly that I never did anything about it. I still have trouble sleeping through the night, and now I know why."
"I finally came to realize why I never did anything about it. Some therapy sessions brought back memories of my mother abusing me — some I remembered well, and others I had really buried. I hate to think that justified my inaction, but it probably was enough to keep me from facing off with my dad about it."
—Anonymous
6."I was very violently sexually assaulted when I was 17 by my gymnastics coach. He held me captive for an entire weekend, and the assault lasted the entire time. I never had a close relationship with my parents, especially my mother, who was quick to deflect any complaint or concern to make anything that happened in my life that was negative feel like my fault. Additionally, they were never the comforting or nurturing types. Back then, I was sure this would go the same way. I never told them, and they still don't know. I even gave a fake name at the hospital where I went after the assault so they wouldn't find out. The statute of limitations has long since run out (I'm in my fifties), and my rapist was never punished for what he did."
—Anonymous
7."I found out on February 16 of this year that I have HIV. I'm 45 years old, so I grew up when it was a death sentence. It is much more treatable now, and I just have to take one pill a day. Within a month, my numbers were back to normal, and the virus is now undetectable. After I found out about my diagnosis, I ended up doing an interview with NPR, discussing my experience with navigating life and the resources available to people who can't afford to pay for treatment. My parents and everyone they associate with are super conservative Christians, so I knew they didn't listen and would never find out about the interview. My sister, however, does listen to NPR, so she is the only one in my family who knows. She thinks I should tell my parents, but after years of psychological abuse they inflicted on me when I came out at 20 (I was raised Southern Baptist in the southeast), there is zero chance of me ever telling them."
—Anonymous
8."I grew up in the late '70s/early '80s and became sexually active at 16. As a teen boy, I was a horny kid. I slept with all but two of my friends' moms. If they found out, they never confronted me about it. I eventually became a major commodity for middle-aged women, but I still dated ladies my age. Now, I am married to my wife of 20 years (who is 20 years younger than me), and she has no idea how many partners I have in the past. I am not inclined to tell her, although she has alluded to knowing that I was somewhat active sexually in my twenties. I wouldn't have traded my experience for all the money in the world. I think that's what bothers me the most; I don't regret breaking my friends' trust and shagging their moms and sisters."
—Anonymous
9."When I was 10, I started smoking grass. At 13, I started taking methamphetamine/Benzedrine. By 15, I was taking LSD, sometimes at school. I took PCP around 16, both in powder form and smoking Angel Dust. I ended up doing almost every drug known to man. I drank some, but not much until I got older. My parents kinda knew about the grass around 16 and knew for sure about it by 17 when my mom caught me and a friend cutting up a pound in my room. I told her that only two ounces were ours and that we would get hurt if we didn't give the other 14 ounces to some bad people we owed, as we were supposed to sell that for our two ounces. It was a ruse. It was all ours, but quick thinking got only two ounces flushed, and she made my friend leave with the other fourteen ounces to return it to the 'bad men.' We promptly sold that and kept about two of the ounces."
"My brother told her she should have had me arrested with the pound. I was glad she didn't, but looking back, it might have set me on a road to recovery much sooner. I was eventually able to quit the drugs, but by then, alcohol had taken hold, and it took until my fifties to get sober. I eventually came clean to my parents, but it wasn't until much later, as an adult."
—Anonymous
10."I (75M) was molested by a grandfather-like individual. He groomed my parents to distrust me (long story), which precluded me from telling them. Shortly before he passed, my dad asked if I had been molested by the person. I lied and said no because of all the negative consequences it would cause. I knew if I said yes, I would have gone off on my dad, which would have killed him, and at that point in my life, it served no positive purpose."
"When #metoo came around, it put in perspective how many of my life's 'failures' personally, psychologically, and mostly financially were self-sabotage because I did not subconsciously feel worthy. I am mostly healthy now with that realization, but I wish I could have lived a parallel life to see how things would have turned out if that entire experience had not occurred."
—Anonymous
11."I found my dad's cocaine. I feel like I don't know him anymore. I never want him to know I found it. I’m still a minor and still live with them."
12."When I was 16, I used to tell my parents that I was spending the weekend at my friend's house and would get on the bus to NYC. My 27-year-old boyfriend lived in Long Island, and we would spend the weekend doing drugs and drinking. I was approached in Port Authority more than once by men asking if I needed a place to stay or if I needed money — pimps or traffickers, I'm sure. I dodged a bullet on that wild stuff. I supervised my own child better."
—Anonymous
13."When I was 14, I had a good friend who was 16. I thought she was very urbane, cool, and sophisticated, and I was still very naive. Her older brother was 18, and I had a massive crush on him. My parents were working long hours, so I spent a lot of time at their house. Trying to keep up with their level of cool, I smoked pot and did some lines of coke with them. I lost my virginity to the brother. Eventually, my mom found out some of it but not all...and insisted I end my friendship, which I'd been considering. I still regret that I was sucked into this situation. I think I was just flattered by their attention."
—Anonymous
14."I constantly fantasized about murdering my verbally and physically abusive stepfather and then killing myself when I was a teen. He treated my mom like shit, and one day, he punched me in the face for not washing my dirty dishes, which left a permanent gash above my eyebrow. I was really depressed and wanted to die, so I thought that I might as well take him with me. I always tried to talk myself into finding some way to kill him, but I never could go through with it. The closest I ever came to doing something was when he was asleep on the couch and my mom was gone to work. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and just stood over him for a few minutes, contemplating if I should do it or not. Of course, I never did. Thankfully, he and my mom separated less than a year after that incident. My depression was minimized tremendously after that."
15."In the summer of 1985, between 10th and 11th grade, my English teacher asked me and two classmates on the last day of school if we would help her move her furniture at her house because she was getting new carpet installed over the summer. Three weeks into summer, she contacted us, and we helped. As we finished moving the furniture back two days later, she fed us lunch, and we chatted for a bit. Somehow, the conversation turned into a sex chat. One thing led to another, and the three of us lost our virginity that day. I kept up the affair with her for several months. ... All the while, I was asking my parents to drop me off at her house to get some tutoring so I could be better prepared for college."
"They would even go to her for quick chats and updates about my tutoring and to ask if they needed to do anything to help me. Little did they know they were dropping me off so I could have sex with my teacher. My parents and teacher have since passed away."
—Anonymous
16."I was sexually abused by my cousin when I was eight and he was twelve. Since then, I plotted to kill him for a good majority of my life, training with what I could. Knife skills, usage of long-ranged guns, finding locations to bury his body...When I was 19, I got word that he had been killed in a gang-related incident. My father told me because he thought I was close to him. That's when I told him what had happened and what I had planned to do. My dad has treated me differently since. He says I was a good roommate and worked well but has said nothing about our family for years until recently. I'm 26 now, and I overheard him call me a disappointment. I packed my bags and started walking. He lives in Maine; I'm now in Virginia."
17."I know about my mother's affair. When I first heard rumors about it, I ended the rumors behind her back. I later found that the rumors were true. ... I will never tell my father because it would break him."
—Anonymous
18."I never told them that I was the one who gave grandma the bottle of pills. She asked, and she deserved to die. I watched her chew them, and I brought the OJ when she asked."
"I was 37, it was a relief, and I didn't see her last breath. I looked away after she started drinking OJ. She was in agony."
19."I became a sex worker temporarily because my mother had a spending problem and couldn't help me financially when I needed it most. She was too busy helping my other brother, who is a freeloader. Oh well. I paid the bills and then some."
20."That I was held hostage by an older man who was most likely a serial killer. ... Long story short: I ran away at 15 and met a cute guy who was much older. I got arrested as a runaway and was bamboozled at 16 into moving across the states to go live with the cute guy. The guy was unwell. He kept me hostage in his house. He was abusive and scary in general, and lots of bad things happened. I screamed my ass off, and he told me neighbors would not help — they're used to the screams, as I was not the FIRST and would not be the LAST. I escaped by sheer damn luck by breaking the 'don't leave the house' rule (very bad things happened if I ever tried) and running to a house where I could hear a party going on (shocked the shit out of me, as supposedly there were zero young neighbors). Hostess teen knew something was very wrong and saved my lucky ass."
21."When I was 12, I saw emails on my mom's iPod touch. The emails were very suggestive and were between my mother and another man. I never told my dad that I saw those emails. I wish I did because it turned out that she was cheating on him."
22."When I was 14, I was blackmailed by my boyfriend into stripping naked in front of a camera. He also tried to coerce me into sexual acts but before it got to that point I was such an ugly, crying mess that he just left. For a while, every time a camera was pointed at me, I was scared (I still become afraid sometimes), and when I was forced to be in a picture, I would get mad in an attempt to replace the fear. My parents don't know this happened to me, so they just saw me as selfish for getting mad about being forced into a photo. ... I'm not selfish. I just couldn't deal with the flashbacks."
23."My dad drunkenly revealed to me one night that he doesn't believe that my siblings are his and said that if he ever found out they weren't, he would disown them. Sixteen years down the drain. I've never told him I know this or mentioned it to my mum. It would break the already shitty 'friendship' they have and would destroy my siblings. I love them too much to let them know."
24."A friend took a DNA test. There's a zero percent chance his parents and he are genetically related. He took a different one; there was a confirmed 0% chance he and his parents are genetically related. He did research, and he is not adopted. He suspects he was switched at the hospital shortly after birth. The hospital he was born in had a couple of oopsies with switched babies back in the late '70s. He doesn't know how or if he should tell his parents."
25."I've kept a couple of secrets from them. But one of the worst was when I was raped. I'm 15, and I just recently told my mom. I kept it from my mom for eight months, but I told my aunt about three months after. ... I absolutely regret not telling my mom sooner because I could have gotten proof from the gyno. Please, if you're keeping something like this from your parents, tell them. My mom reacted differently than the way that I dreaded. I thought she would have said it was my fault it happened and that she would be mad. Instead, she cried with me while I told her, comforted me, and told me she wished I had told her sooner. It took a lot of guts to tell her, and an entire weight has been lifted from me. We're still waiting to tell my dad, though."
—Anonymous
26."I told them I was doing an extra on-site learning course for my university, in which I would be away for 31 days interstate. My husband sorted out the kids, so he was fine. I actually went to a residential rehab and got clean and sober. I didn't tell them until I was released. They literally had no idea."
27."My ex almost killed me, and I never told my parents or siblings because I didn't trust them not to take his side. Eventually, I started taking martial arts classes with my former high school teacher (he always made me feel safe; the only time I felt safe). I told him after six months of classes, but it took me a long time to learn to be strong enough to break away from my abuser and live on my own. When I did, everyone in the small town we had lived in and almost all of my martial arts classmates thought I was in the wrong because my ex was 'such a sweet teddy bear,' and he told them all I was nuts. My teacher stood by me. I am beyond grateful for his help."
28."Growing up, my dad was mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. My mom was gaslit to the point of staying with him. They both don't know I've been dating under their noses and have been with my boyfriend for four years. Yes, he knows and doesn't want to meet either of them because he hates how I'm treated. Dad is still under the false impression that if I got married (he has said no one would ever date or marry me), he would walk me down the aisle, stating he would make jokes along the way. Yeah, no, he will not even be invited."
—Anonymous
29."I just pay escorts to show as my 'girlfriend' so my parents will stop telling their friends to hook me up with their daughters. At every gathering, the woman shows up to meet everyone and always has to leave early. I pay by the hour."
30."I started taking diet and water pills when I was 12. I moved up to laxatives and throwing up. After some time, I couldn't make myself throw up using my fingers anymore, so I started using the handles of butter knives. Then on to syrup of ipecac. I'm 53 now, and I still take laxatives like wild, and I hate when I have to eat in front of anyone. Mom found out when I was about 15 and immediately had me put on antidepressants. It was the 80s, and the bad Prozac side effects were widely written about, so my mom immediately took me off my meds. Nothing changed. I just got much, much better at hiding all of my mess."
—Anonymous
31."One night, I went out to a party and ended up getting cross-faded. When the cops crashed the party, they found me fucked up with puke on myself, so they called an ambulance to take me to a hospital. They kept me there until I sobered up, and my friend got her brother to drive me to my friend's place to crash for the night. My parents don't know I smoke, drink, and somewhat party, let alone that I ended up in an ambulance because of one. Later on, they got a bill for the ambulance, but I just told them that I got knocked out after I bonked my head on the sidewalk trying to cross the street, and my friend called 911."
32."I'm pregnant and engaged. I'm due in two months and am finally starting to show a little. My dad died a few months ago without knowing. I still see my mom from time to time, but I haven't since I started showing. I fully intend to give birth without telling her, but even if she finds out, this baby will never be part of her family. This is her first grandbaby."
33."The Nintendo Switch 'my friends put their money together for my birthday' was actually bought by someone I was selling my nudes to, who decided to buy a Switch for me instead."
34."Due to severe health problems, I ended up dropping out of college five years ago on tuition they had paid for. They were so angry and upset with me that they cut all contact and stopped sending me money of any kind, which would have been fine if my health wasn't so poor and I was unable to work. After starving for about a month, I ended up having to do sex work in order to eat for a number of months. Eventually they forgave me and let me move back in with them until my health was better but they never asked me how I fared up till that point and I never told them."
35."I make more money than I let on. My parents have been — and will always be — the 'I took care of you all your life, time for you to pay it back' type of parent. Except there is no end to this 'debt.' So I hide money from them so they can't take advantage of me."
36."I was broke after college and just couldn't find anything but low-end retail that paid nothing. I had a friend who worked in a strip club, and she brought me in one night. We were the same size, so I just borrowed some of her sexy stuff. I was able to do it for about a week before someone who knew my parents came in. Knowing they didn't want it to be found out that they were there any more than I did, we both kept it quiet. I made a couple of grand that week and was able to catch up on my bills and even get a little ahead. I never told anyone in my family or even any other friends. I have no problem with women who work as a stripper for a living. All the power to them. It just really wasn't for me."
37."They don't know how badly they fucked me up. My dad had bipolar disorder and alcoholism, and my mother just really wasn't cut out to be a parent but had kids because it was the expected thing then. Due to their self-centredness and lack of attentiveness, I was abused multiple times as a kid, including by people they brought into my life. They were clueless. The trauma of that, dealing with my dad's illness, and the feelings of rejection from knowing I wasn't really wanted have left me a bit of a mess. I can't tell them I have C-PTSD as they would ask why, so I fake a whole persona around them — it's exhausting!"
—Anonymous
38."I'm 70, so this will be a stark contrast from the stuff kids are doing today. When I was 11, both of my parents were gone, and I snooped through their dresser drawers. Didn't find anything interesting on my mom's side, but my dad had a small brown paper bag with B&W Polaroid porn photos that he brought home from Korea. That was my 'sex education.'"
—Anonymous
39."I'm bisexual, and even though I'm an adult, my parents don't know (I'm a woman with VERY conservative and christian parents). The girl they thought was my best friend for years ( from my teenage years until I was 21) was my girlfriend. We had sex in their home while she slept here a lot of times (trying hard to keep quiet). We broke up, and they keep asking about her."
—Anonymous
40."I haven't told my dad that I know the full story about how my parents' marriage fell apart. I love my dad very much, and I don't want to ruin our already strained relationship by telling him I know how much of a bastard he is."
—Anonymous
41."I'm still not over my parents' separation, even though this happened around five years ago. When my dad moved out, my mom was broken, and I had to be there for her and my little sister all the time — so I didn't exactly have time to process my feelings or actually tell someone how I really felt about it. It hurts me that I don't have anyone to talk to, and I feel like no one understands me."
—Anonymous
42."I (16F) have an eating disorder. My parents (mainly my dad) make jokes about me gaining/losing weight, and my dad even gets angry if I have snacks. My mom got mad when my brother (21M) mentioned that I might have an ED three months earlier and played it off. I've been starving for two weeks but too scared to tell them."
—Anonymous
43."I used to sneak alcohol. I would take an old water bottle and fill it with liquor, anything that I could pass as water or juice, and then take it to school with me and drink it in class. I'm assuming no parent or teacher knew because I definitely would have gotten in trouble."
—Anonymous
44.And finally..."I made copies of their spare car's keys and would steal the car for joy rides while skipping class. No permit. No license. One time, I got pulled over while speeding. I instantly panicked and started to cry. When the officer got to my window, I told him that my best friend just found out she was pregnant and was talking about killing herself and that I just needed to get there as soon as possible to make sure she was ok. He literally took a card with his phone number on it out of his shirt pocket and told me I was a good friend and to call him if I needed help. I learned the worst possible lesson ever in that moment. Told my mom about this last week for the first time ever. I'm 40. 👀"
—Anonymous
Now, it's your turn — what's a secret you kept from your parents? Let us know in the comments or via this anonymous form.
Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.
If you are concerned that a child is experiencing or may be in danger of abuse, you can call or text the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453(4.A.CHILD); service can be provided in over 140 languages.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE, which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
The National Eating Disorders Association helpline is 1-800-931-2237; for 24/7 crisis support, text “NEDA” to 741741.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.
