The Women Voting for President In Secret to Keep the Peace at Home

Erin Coulehan
·5 min read

When it comes to voting for president in the 2024 election—no matter if you're supporting Kamala Harris or Donald Trump—it's not farfetched to assume your partner is on the same page. But what if they're not? Across the country, couples with opposing political views are figuring out how to keep the peace, staying quiet about politics in public while holding on to their own views in private. For many, voting has become a quiet choice made in the booth, shaped by a mix of personal, social, and relationship pressures. Women, in particular, often walk a fine line between keeping harmony at home and standing up for their own beliefs, especially when it comes to issues affecting their health and rights.

In relationships where traditional roles play a big part, voting choices reflect a mix of personal independence, societal expectations, and relationship give-and-take. These patterns aren’t just influencing election outcomes, especially in swing states—they’re also starting new conversations about gender, power, and the ways couples talk (or don’t talk) about politics.

For a lot of people—women in particular—it’s just easier to keep political preferences out of everyday conversations.

“Americans feel more guarded about letting people know who they voted for because of the country’s increased polarization,” Nadia Brown, Professor of Government and Chair of the Women’s and Gender Studies Program at Georgetown University, tells Glamour. “People don’t necessarily want to out themselves about who they voted for.”

This feeling of staying guarded with friends is showing up at home, too, for couples across the country. Couples with different political views say they can keep the tension down by finding ways to compromise, even if it means sometimes casting their ballots quietly and dealing with the ongoing frustrations that come with it.

“Casting a vote in secret from your partner happens more often than I think people know. I know someone who does this and it’s because their partner tells them if they don’t vote red, their small business will suffer, and possibly fail. It’s a disgusting scare tactic, but I also wish this person would educate themselves to know that what they are being told isn’t true. But their business is their livelihood,” says one woman in Texas who asked to remain anonymous.

Hidden or unspoken voting habits between couples reveal how power dynamics still influence political expression in relationships, especially where traditional gender roles are at play. Choosing to vote privately can be a way for women to balance their own beliefs with relationship dynamics, all while subtly impacting election results.

“We're entering into this really interesting time where a lot of women are thinking about this idea of returning to this place of ‘soft life’ and tradwives. This fascination with traditional gender roles have really taken off online. It’s shifting how young women are thinking about these conversations, women of color as well,” says Jamil Scott, Professor of Government at Georgetown University.

The Pew Research Center reports that political differences in marriages or long-term relationships can create unique dynamics when it comes to voting for president. In relationships with strong traditional roles, many women feel pressure to downplay or keep their differing views quiet to maintain peace with their partners.

“I've been taking the route of not talking about it. My husband has been very heavily trying to sway my political opinions, and honestly, it's become really untenable for us, and so not discussing it is one way to avoid conflict,” says Caroline in Austin, Texas.

For Lindsey in Florida, being outspoken has actually helped her and her husband better understand each other’s opposing views.

“Secrecy and silence are the tools of oppression and shame. I say ‘Fuck That.’ We are never going to heal as individuals, communities, nations, or a global community if we do not start telling the truth and learn how to have hard conversations,” she says.

When women embrace their political independence, they often feel more confident and empowered, though it can sometimes create challenges in their relationships.

“When my husband abstained from voting in 2016, I was so angry and I could not let it go. I could not understand how he could just sit out of such an important election, and he could not understand how I could choose to support someone I did not completely believe in or agree with,” says Lindsey.

As more women choose to vote independently of their partners, the cultural conversation around gender and politics keeps evolving.

“Traditionally, we haven't necessarily had to have the conversation around whether you agree with your partner in the same way that we have to have today because polarization has really changed the landscape of American politics,” says Scott.

Women are navigating their voting choices in ways that connect deeply with their relationships and personal values.

“When people say this country is divided, it really goes down to the home level. It is challenging to maintain harmony in the home knowing my husband and I differ on such major topics whose outcome will affect our child’s future. It’s painful knowing we’ll most likely never be on the same page,” says Ann in El Paso, Texas.

For some, the political differences at home make women value smooth sailing in their relationships more than expressing their political views openly.

“I do believe in the ‘subservient woman,’ a more traditional role in marriage. But I have personal challenges being that type of wife as I have always been outspoken, the main breadwinner, and a leader in the home,” adds Ann. “I am a wife who wants to serve him but I’m also a warrior and a partner.”

For now, couples across the country are choosing family over fighting by ignoring the polarizing elephant in the room -- and on the ballots.

Originally Appeared on Glamour

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