18 Frustrated Women Who Are Tired Of Having To Educate Men On How To Treat Them As Human Beings
We recently covered this Reddit thread where women shared the things that men just don't understand. Women of the BuzzFeed Community also chimed in with more brutally honest things they want men to see, hear, and understand. Here's what they shared:
1."When dating, especially after six to nine months, especially with older, more mature mates, we need to know how you feel. What is it you like and/or dislike about the relationship? We are sometimes left to guess. What's so difficult about telling a woman you love her? It's not a life sentence. It's a move in a positive direction. If it's not, then you know what to do. Women are as afraid of rejection as you are but are willing to take a chance."
—Anonymous
2."Every woman doesn't want to be a mother. The world needs good aunts, too. It's especially sad when other mothers ask if you have kids, and you say no, and they look at you with pity. I roll my eyes at them and their pity. Just because you have kids doesn't mean I want them. Chill."
—Anonymous
3."If I'm in a relationship with you and you 'check out' other women on the street or in a bar, it hurts me and makes me feel that what we have isn't special because you have potential interest in other people, too. And you can bet that it's not conducive to a good sex life either."
—Anonymous
4."As I approached retirement, I told my retired husband I'd like him to take care of dinner two nights a week once we both were retired. It had been solely my job before. Not half of the time, just two nights a week. Two months before, I asked if he had decided which two nights he wanted. No. One month before, he said he wanted to decide day by day which days he'd do. I told him the idea was that it would be known ahead of time so I didn't have to think up the menu, be sure we had ingredients, etc. I told him I just wanted to sit down and have dinner in front of me (like he'd had our whole marriage). Nope, it never happened. Once in a while, he'll say he'll make chili that night or BBQ burgers the next night, but it's totally based on a whim and after I've already made a plan and have the stuff for another meal. He never actually gives me a night off. Geez, buddy. Think it up, shop for it, make it, serve it, just like I do daily."
—Anonymous
5."The world was designed by men, for men. There's frustrating stuff like how 'unisex' T-shirts were made for people without curves and often fit very awkwardly. Then there's dangerous stuff like medications that are only tested on men and only using car crash test dummies based on the male body. Even men who know this have trouble understanding how much it impacts our lives."
—Anonymous
6."Very early in our 40-year marriage, he said he didn't want to renegotiate our roles (he takes care of the outside of the house, I do the inside). I quickly realized that meant he had chores eight months a year while mine were all 12 months. Well, why in the world would he want to renegotiate? I wondered how he believed he was an equal contributor. But my choices were to go along with it or get a divorce."
—Anonymous
7."So many heterosexual men claim to love, adore, and cherish women. Popular culture reinforces this view, but it's just not true. It's not women you cherish; it's your fantasy of them. If straight men REALLY loved women like they say they do, there wouldn't be so many who are willfully ignorant of how common sexual assault and domestic violence are. How many women are harassed and/or demeaned daily. How common unwanted pregnancies, miscarriages, pregnancy complications, and abortions are. How painful and exhausting periods, IUDs, pregnancies, childbirth, and postpartum recovery are. How sex is often painful for many women. How much discrimination we face in all areas of life, from being paid less at work to the added domestic and emotional labor our families expect us to do at all stages of our lives."
"Oh, but you're one of the good ones?' Have you ever researched any of the above topics to be more educated on our realities? What actions are you taking to stand up for our reproductive rights? Do you call other men out — in person or online — when they make gross comments about girls or women? Do you assume you're a good lover without researching or asking your partner what you could do better? Or are you too scared?"
—Anonymous
8."Don't complete a common task around the house, like doing the dishes, and then announce, 'I did the dishes for you.' Did you not use some of those dishes? Can you imagine if a woman announced everything she did and added 'for you' each time?"
—Anonymous
9."We can handle the truth. Thinking you must sugar-coat difficult topics and dodge direct statements is inadvertently insulting. You're doing that for you, not for us. 'I was trying to break it to you easily.' No, you were making yourself feel better. This applies to the workplace, home, or any place. I don't want to be pandered to or talked to with a condescending tone. Would you talk to another man in the same tone and manner you use on me? JUST SHOOT ME STRAIGHT. And sure, I might have emotions just like you. That is okay."
—Anonymous
10."Small gestures mean everything in a relationship. For example, fresh flowers every Friday, filling the gas tank and washing the windshield, setting out a coffee cup at night, emptying the dishwasher without being asked, and remembering I like cheese on my takeout burger — just remembering."
—Anonymous
11."I knew a guy who thought periods wouldn't be an issue during sex because there was an extra hole — like one for pee, one for poop, one for periods, and one for penises. These were his words. I'm guessing 'vagina=birth canal' is not a part of his vocabulary."
12."The ultimate foreplay for a married woman is being surprised by her husband taking one of 'her duties' off her hands that day. Mop my kitchen, do the laundry (in its entirety), scrub the bathroom, cook dinner and do the dishes afterward, help the kids with their homework, let me sleep in, and you take the kids to school, and if it's a weekend, take ALL of the kids with you and get out of the house for a couple of hours. Your thoughtful/helpful efforts will be repaid in the bedroom. That's what most of us find to be 'sexy.'"
—Anonymous
13."Unless you are 100% certain that a woman likes you and she has already expressed an interest in hooking up, don't try to get her alone before making a move, especially if you are significantly larger or otherwise more powerful (more senior at work, more wealthy, etc.). If it turns out she doesn't like you back, she's doing a calculation in her head about how much danger she's in if she rejects you. Yes, even if you're a 'good guy' and would never hurt her or retaliate for rejection. Bad guys always seem like good ones until the moment they don't. And there's a real chance that if anything happens between you guys, she participated, at least in part, because of fear."
"So basically, it's your job to be aware of your power, particularly when there's a physical imbalance (but also in other ways), and to ENSURE you aren't exploiting it. If you don't stay aware of this, you may end up (even unintentionally) coercing a woman into actions she wouldn't have otherwise chosen."
—Anonymous
14."I'm 69 years old, and my husband believes I can do the same things as when I was younger. I wish he understood I'm not as strong and I don't have the same energy. Help!"
—Anonymous
15."Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I’m flirting."
—Anonymous
16."Menopause! Hot flashes, mood swings, strange weight changes, and lower (or nonexistent) libido are a form of suffering! We can't control it. And we didn't choose it. Be patient as we figure this out! And some of us can't take hormone replacement therapy due to things like surviving certain kinds of breast cancer (like me). And lube just helps you, not us."
17."I wish men knew how deeply depressing it is to know you are being treated differently because you are a woman. Everything about you is scrutinized relentlessly and viciously. Men benefit directly and indirectly from the idea that they have dominion over everything about us, and it's so scary to know that there are men out there who simply hate women. It's terrifying and really disheartening at times."
—Anonymous
18.And: "As a 60-something woman who's been married for over 30 years, I often think about how I didn't understand that 'partner' didn't mean that. That there would never be a 50/50 partnership or even 60/40. I would be the leader in everything except for 'manly things' like yard work or washing the car. We go away for a week, and I do all the laundry upon return. I think up and make dinner the day we get back. I go through the mail and pay the bills. My hubby checks the yard and rakes up what needs it. I never thought marriage meant I'd do everything while he feels important."
—Anonymous
Women, what else are you begging for men to understand? Tell us in the comments or submit anonymously using this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
