Woman Says Her Ex of 26 Years Is Getting Remarried but She Doesn’t Want to Drop His Last Name
"My ex called and argued that keeping his name makes it hard for his fiancé to feel like they’re starting a fresh life," the user wrote
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Two men just married with their wedding bandsA Reddit user recently asked for advice on whether or not she was in the wrong for, as she described it, choosing to keep her last name from a prior marriage despite her ex-husband getting engaged again.
In a post on Reddit's “Am I the A------?,” a user wrote that they are a 56-year-old woman and shared a detailed account of how things with their ex-husband went from "amicable” to hostile due to his and his new fiancé’s issues about the poster deciding to keep his name.
“I divorced my husband two years ago after 26 years of marriage. We have four kids, and the split was amicable. He came out as gay, and we mutually agreed to part ways," the woman wrote.
"Changing my name wasn’t a priority—updating IDs, legal documents, and bank accounts would be a huge hassle. I still use his last name on official documents but go by my maiden name socially,” she continued.
Following her ex-husband’s engagement to “a wonderful guy,” the woman assumed that everything was fine between the trio, she wrote — but that’s when things took a turn.
“During my grandson’s birthday party, my ex suddenly asked if I’d consider dropping his last name. His fiancé chimed in, saying it makes him uncomfortable that I still use it,” the Reddit user recalled.
Surprised by the comments and the couple's reaction, the woman wrote she "awkwardly joked that unless they want to spend hours in lines at various government offices, I wasn’t going to change it. My ex didn’t laugh. He insisted it’s about starting a new chapter and wants me to 'move on.' "
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The woman wrote that she left the “bizarre” situation feeling confused and attacked at the sudden shift about keeping her last name, which had "never been an issue" in the past.
“And now they’re ganging up on me?" she wrote. "After the party, my ex called and argued that keeping his name makes it hard for his fiancé to feel like they’re starting a fresh life. I countered that our kids still use the same name, and it would feel strange for me to be the odd one out."
Related: Bride Spurs Viral Debate After Groom Insists on Having His Ex Fiancée in the Wedding Party
A bigger issue was revealed, according to the woman, when she learned via her youngest son that her husband’s new fiancé “feels threatened by my name, assuming I’m clinging to some claim on my ex.”
“I’ve made it clear I have zero interest in rekindling anything, but it feels like I’m being pressured to erase a part of my identity," she wrote. "My ex admitted his fiancé is uncomfortable because he sees me keeping the name as a ‘power play.’ ”
The woman admitted to feeling as though she’s being backed into a corner to hastily make a decision she is uncomfortable with.
“I feel like I’m caught between trying to keep peace and being forced into something just because his fiancé is insecure," she wrote. "They want me to go through the hassle of changing everything for their comfort."
She added: "I told my ex that I’ll consider it later—maybe after they’re married and settled. But now, he’s furious, saying I’m being petty and selfish."
As for how her children feel about the drama, the woman wrote that they “are divided,” with one for it and one against it.
More than 6,000 fellow Reddit users filled the comments, with the overwhelming majority agreeing with the woman.
“If you change it you will always be pissed at him for forcing you and if you don't he will have to get over it. Seriously stand your ground on this one," one user wrote.
Another suggested that perhaps the woman’s ex-husband take his fiancé’s last name once they are married for a smooth transition.
And a third user commented that the woman is not responsible for managing the feelings of her ex-husband’s fiancé.
What's more, this user wrote, "Lots of women keep their last names after divorce for various reasons."
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