Woman Forced to Choose Between Attending Sister's Cruise Ship Wedding or Buying Her Kids' Christmas Gifts

A woman is seeking advice after she says she can't afford to attend her sister's destination wedding and celebrate Christmas with her husband and kids

A mother is considering missing her sister's wedding in order to afford Christmas gifts for her children.

In a post on Reddit's "Am I the A------" subreddit, the mother who works two jobs — and whose husband had been laid off over the summer — revealed that she was invited to her sister's "cruise ship" wedding in a different state on New Year's Eve. But, as she explained, she'd have to use the money she and her husband "saved up for Christmas" in order to fund the family trip and attend.

The woman, who wrote that her sister is 13 years younger than her, explained that the pair "never really had a close relationship" and that she's "more like a distant relative" given their age difference and being in different parts in their lives.

"A year ago she got engaged to her boyfriend. I've met him a handful of times and he seems like a good guy," she wrote. "They decided they wanted to get married in a different state on New Year's Eve."

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As the Reddit user wrote, her family was "practically homeless" at one point during the pandemic and went into "pretty big debt just to survive." Things have since "turned around" for the family, and the woman has been "determined" to make her sister's wedding work — but ultimately, she's found obstacles in getting there.

"I didn't immediately RSVP as I was still trying to figure out if I'd fly, drive, or both. Trying to figure out the most cost effective way to get my family to and from the wedding. It's a good 24 hour drive so would need broken into at least 2 days each way," she wrote. "My sister apparently told my mom she was upset that no one had RSVP'd for her wedding on her side of the family. My mom called me. It became a thing. So I let my mom know I'd be there."

While working two jobs to "chip away" at the family's "COVID debt," the woman would have to miss at least five work days for the wedding (4 for driving and one for the wedding itself), and the family would have to drive out on Christmas for "buffer time."

"My dilemma — in order to make this work my kids (one of which has seen my sister twice in the last year and the other not at all) won't get Christmas," the woman wrote. "All the money we've saved up for Christmas will be spent on gas, the rest of the Airbnb, and food for the trip. We won't have money to do fun things while gone, we won't be able to buy Christmas presents. It would strictly be drive 24 hours to the wedding, watch wedding, drive back."

"Adding extra to this, my sister asked my nephew to be part of the wedding as a ring bearer," she added. "My kids have been an afterthought. No one has asked them to be any part of the wedding at all."

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In addition to the travel, the wedding itself is "taking place on a cruise ship," the woman wrote, adding that "everyone else invited has booked rooms on the cruise."

"We are the only ones who would not be cruising and would only be able to stay on board for the wedding," she wrote.

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The overall consensus under the Reddit post was that the woman was "NTA" — or "not the a------" — for having to miss her sister's wedding in order to fund her family's Christmas, with the top comment encouraging the woman to reach out to her sister and explain that attending would be a "hardship."

"People who have destination weddings should be understanding that it is a burden for their guests to travel and pay for accommodations, attire, food, and the time away from jobs and other commitments," the comment read. "If they don't — then they are being selfish and myopic. Especially during the holidays when everything is extra expensive I wouldn't put this burden on my family just to see your sister get married. But that is me."

"I would suggest that your sister and her husband come visit you and your family in the spring and you can look at the pictures of the wedding and the honeymoon, that would be so much more special for all of you rather than spending money you don't have to watch the ceremony, eat rubber chicken while missing your kids — during the holidays," they added.

Another user asked the woman if she considered attending the wedding by herself and leaving her family at home, but as she explained, that would come with its own hurdles.

"I have considered it and it’s really not cheaper," she responded. "Same car goes the same distance and I still need the Airbnb's. If I’m driving on my own it would probably actually take longer as I don’t do long trips well on my own. As the only one working right now, it’d be quite a bit of lost income whether it’s just me or the whole family going."

Another Reddit user wrote that "anyone who schedules a destination wedding at Christmas needs to accept that people are going to prioritize their kids."

"Nta. Christmas is a time for children," another comment read. "Their joy should come first."