Woman Faces Backlash After Sharing List of Things She Refuses to Do for Husband — But Says It Saved Their Marriage (Exclusive)
"This isn't a man's world anymore and getting married shouldn't be a labor contract for a woman," one TikTok creator tells PEOPLE
Credit: April
April and her husbandIt was a Meghan Trainor song that first sparked 31-year-old April (who goes by @AprilLauren on TikTok) to take to social media and explain the things she "won't do" for her husband.
"I was bored traveling for work and had Meghan Trainor's 'Dear Future Husband' song stuck in my head," she tells PEOPLE. "There is a line that talks about how she also has a full-time job so don't expect her to be at home in the kitchen, which made me think about how my husband and I handle household responsibilities since we both work full-time jobs, and how much changing things saved our marriage."
So, April filmed a quick video to upload to TikTok, in which she eats lunch while explaining that she is her husband's "wife, not his mom," and therefore approaches chores on an individual basis.
"Number one: I don't do his laundry," April says in the video. "I used to do his laundry. We've been married for six years and in the first year of marriage, he would get frustrated if I didn't get to the laundry that week ... and I was like, 'Mmm, no. I'm not your mom. Do your own laundry.' "
Elsewhere in the video, April explains how she does her laundry and her youngest child's laundry but that her husband and their eldest son each do their own.
"Now, if I need some extra clothes to throw in a load, I'll throw his in there with mine," she adds. "But I don't do his laundry on a weekly basis anymore."
April adds that she does not "follow up behind him and clean up after him," saying, "His nightstand has cups and stuff on it. That's his responsibility to get it to the sink."
Credit: April
April and her husband"Number three: I do not clean his sink," April says. "We have separate bathroom sinks, I won't clean his ... Again: I'm not your mother. I am your wife. I'm not your mom. You are a big boy."
She continues: "And he knows this. He knows all these things."
Speaking to PEOPLE, April says she didn't expect the video to get even 200 views, let alone the more than 6 million it has now.
"I didn't realize it would be such a polarizing topic," she says, noting that the comments have been "so mixed."
"People feel very strongly one way or another but the people who disagree have actually gone so far as to insult me, harass me, encourage my husband to cheat on me and divorce me and honestly that's wild," she says.
Still, she says that the "many women who agree and others who have been inspired" by the video make the criticism well worth it.
"The negative comments don't actually bother me because people took such a small portion of my life/marriage and made assumptions," she adds.
As April explains, in her first year of marriage, "I took on that traditional wife role and did my 'wifely duties.' "
Related: New Mom Asks Husband's Family to 'Stay Elsewhere' During 2-Month Visit. Then He Asks Her to Move Out
Credit: April
April and her husband"Then one day, my husband was irritated that he didn't have enough clean clothes for the next day and that's when I realized the invisible expectation was there and told him he could start doing his own laundry and cleaning up after himself," she adds. "I harbored a lot of resentment because of that first year being the woman always on the move cleaning, doing laundry, etc. — and now our marriage is better for it."
As April explains, their current arrangement is one that works for both of them. "He did his own laundry before we got married, so he can do it now. Five years later and he thinks it was actually crazy for me to have taken on all those things that he is capable of doing himself," she says.
April's husband has joined her in viewing many of the comments — even bringing the discussion to the dinner table, with their kids. "We are raising capable sons and a strong daughter and these people commenting are raising the potential future husbands and wives of our children," she says.
Credit: April
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Still, April acknowledges that her content is different from some other viral videos on TikTok — namely, those showing wives and mothers taking on uber-traditional roles.
"If other women choose to live the 'tradwife' life that is their business, but I personally am raising my sons to take care of themselves and my daughter to never bow down to a man just because that's what society has dictated," she says. "This isn't a man's world anymore and getting married shouldn't be a labor contract for a woman."
She continues: "Many women have said that they are doing all the things for their husband out of love but I often wonder, what if they stopped? How would their husbands react and then would they see the invisible expectation that was actually there all along?"
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