"I Used To Love These Dogs! Now, They Don’t Even Compare": Pet Parents Are Sharing How Their Relationships With Their Animals Changed After Having A Baby

Back in August, the Cut published an anonymous essay from a new mom who said she loved her cat, Lucky, less after bringing home her new baby. She describes how "basic needs went unmet": feeding, playing, grooming, and more. She even goes so far as to share how she would leave her ground-floor windows open "in the vague hope that she would take the initiative and leap out of one."

Predictably, people were pretty upset. The Cut's social media comments have been flooded with the hashtag #SaveLucky. Amid the public outcry, I started thinking more seriously about the anonymous author. Parenthood is incredibly difficult and life-altering, and adding a new human to the mix when there's already an animal in the house (who won't exactly understand what's going on) sounds taxing.

So I asked the BuzzFeed Community: How did having a child impact your relationship with your pets? Here's what they had to say:

1."Prior to having a baby, our dog and cat got along really well. They would sleep in the same bed every night and were very friendly. When our daughter came home, our dog started getting super protective of her, not letting our cat get anywhere near her or me. My dog also started getting more nervous, barking out of nowhere when our daughter would do anything. He also would not allow her to get near him, barking or growling anytime she got close. With our dog's behavior, the cat started acting out and peeing everywhere, especially on our daughter's things. My daughter is now older, nearly 1.5 years, and the relationship with our dog has gotten better. He comes up to kiss her and lets her be around him. But the dynamic in the family feels a lot different. I'm hopeful that our dog's issues are more about her being so much smaller than him; he's near 100 lbs. The bigger she gets, the more comfortable he appears with her; the growling has nearly stopped."

2."I feel immensely guilty for saying this…but my dogs annoy the hell out of me right now. I have a 21-month-old and am expecting another baby any day now. And my two elderly dogs just get in the way. And they're well-trained dogs! So it’s not like we have impolite animals. They're just so attention-starved that they're underfoot all the time. So much so that it's become dangerous, and we've banished them downstairs. We have a large yard and a doggy door, so they're not totally neglected. Anyway, I used to love these dogs! Now, they don't even compare to my children."

—Emily, 36, PNW

3."My dog and I have gotten even more connected. For my first month post-birth, she was my 'person.' She knew it was hard, and she would follow me around to essentially take care of me. Now, almost three years later, she and my toddler are best friends, but whenever I get home and my parents gather around my son, my dog will always wait for me to come in."

4."All of our animals (we had three cats and two dogs) really seemed to care about our kids when they were born. If anything, it made me love and appreciate them more. Did we have less time for walks and playing? Yes. Do we have awesome memories of my daughter teething on our dog's ear and our crawling son playing with an ornament with the cat? People who say that when you have kids you love your pets less are wrong. It's different but not less. I would still do anything for them."

—Anonymous, 40, Wisconsin

5."It was and still isn't easy. I had three cats that were used to ruling my house unchallenged for eight years, and then one day, I brought home this loud, grabby, pink thing (aka my beautiful baby boy). I constantly felt guilty that my 'fur babies' had to become an afterthought while I devoted all my time and energy to keeping my baby alive. It's been almost two years, and the cats still don’t get as much love as they used to because they run when they see my son coming. I let the cats hang around my home office while I’m working because there’s no kiddo there, but that brings its own challenges like a cat walking on my keyboard while giving a presentation. It’s all hard to balance!"

6."When we first brought my baby son home from the hospital, my cat Merlin, whom I had adopted as a small kitten, was not pleased. He indignantly bit me, clearly unhappy about losing his place as the smallest and cutest member of the household. Fast-forward six years, and now Merlin joins us for bedtime stories every night, sitting contentedly on my knee and enjoying the company of his human siblings. He even sleeps on my son's bed every night, having fully embraced the kids as part of the family despite his initial frosty reaction. A new baby is a huge transition — for cats and humans alike!"

—Shona, UK

7."I desperately wanted that internet moment. I’ve always been a ferocious animal lover and advocate for adoption/shelter/rescue. Both of my dogs were adopted, and I was genuinely concerned when I got pregnant that I wouldn’t love my human kid as much as my dogs. They’re everything to me. And then my son came. And I found myself regretting having two large dogs with a toddler. They’re both about 10 years old now, and my kid is 3. They spend a lot more time in their crates than they used to, and I hate it. But I genuinely don’t have the energy to keep up with all three of them, and my kid terrorizes them. From day one, we preached being gentle and kind. We modeled proper animal behavior. We read books about loving our animal friends. My kid CANNOT STOP fucking with them. He does it out of love and playfulness. He doesn’t get that he’s hurting them, but the only way we can keep them safe from him sometimes is to lock them up. And it breaks my heart more than anyone knows."

8."The dog hair thing is so real. I never used to care about it; now I dread coming home after a long day of work because I know I'll have to vacuum as soon as we walk in the door so my baby isn’t crawling around in it. It's exhausting."

—ac33

9."I have two cats, and they were my little loves. The background of my phone, pictures in my office, so many silly nicknames were given to them and baby talk. My husband and I each had a lap cat that anytime we sat down they would hop in our lap. When our first daughter was born, my lap cat was very jealous. When I was nursing, my cat would jump on top of my daughter and try to squeeze in between me and her. He started over-licking, and his tail and stomach were licked raw. He had so many hairballs he was throwing them up three times a day. It was very sad. We got one of those calming diffusers, and it did seem to help; either that or he just adjusted because the jealousy and over-licking stopped after a year or so."

10."Not my children but my cat. Before I adopted her, she lived with a couple for four years from when she was a kitten. I'm told for the first few years of her life, she was their world; she was very trusting and affectionate, but once the couple had children, the children treated her awfully. The children, as soon as they started crawling, would grab her, pull her tail and fur so it came out in clumps. She would lash out to protect herself, scratching the children. Because of the scratches to the children, her owners decided to shut her in the garage 24/7 rather than try and fix the bad behaviors and wouldn't give her to the shelter because they didn't want to completely give her up."

"She spent years living like that and became very overweight. I ended up adopting her from a shelter four years ago after she’d spent years in that garage and nearly two years in the shelter. It was clear she was traumatized. Though I’m pleased to say she has recovered, she still has a fear of seeing hands she doesn’t know coming toward her but is otherwise a completely loving, playful, and affectionate cat."

—Anonymous, England

11."It didn't. My cat acted exactly the same with me as she did before. But she decided my baby was her baby and followed them around all day, commenting on my parenting choices and letting them do things to her that would result in literally anyone else pulling back a bloody stump."

12."My dog was my BABY before my daughter was born. I spoiled her immensely and spent a lot of time with her when I was home — she would always sit by me on the couch, I would talk to her constantly, and she slept with me every night. As soon as my daughter was born, that stopped almost instantly. I still love my dog and give her attention, but she was very much acting in the place of a child for me. Now, my kids love her and are always playing with her. She has handled the change well, but a piece of me will always feel bad for her for going from my #1 to now being the least prioritized."

—Libby, 33

13."I had a very sassy, judgy beagle girl for six years before my first child was born. As soon as she figured out I was pregnant, she proceeded to ignore me and become solely my husband's dog (she wouldn't even go with me on walks). Well, when the first kid was born, she completely ignored him... If he came near her, she went to a different room. She was never aggressive, just annoyed, so I let her have her space and kept him from chasing her. Eventually, she accepted him as part of the family, but she never really cared for him."

14."It didn't change my relationship with my cat, but he earned newfound levels of respect for how gentle and patient he was when my baby was around, especially when she started grabbing and petting him or put stickers on him."

—emmerzz0011

"Same with us. We had twin babies in a studio apartment, along with two cats at the time. I swear, the cats would sit with them patiently. It was very sweet."

—applesauceandchops

15."We have four pets, three pre-kid and one post-kid. With my first dog, you could see his attitude change as I got further along in my pregnancy. He got less cuddly and didn't follow me around like he used to. I think a big part of it was that I wasn't able to do the things that used to be 'my job' with him. I was on bed rest, so I wasn't able to walk him like I previously had, and I wasn’t able to bend down to feed him, so my husband did that. It didn't make him attach to my husband more. My first cat was just getting into her old stage, and she didn't change a ton, maybe less sleeping in common areas, but she didn’t change. The middle cat actually got more clingy with me; she sleeps on my head every night like she did when I was pregnant."

16."With our first baby, we actually had to hire a trainer because our dog guarded her so much. He would sleep in front of her crib, sit in front of her chair, and wouldn't let anyone but me or my husband pick her up. I'm all for being protective, but it got to a point where I was nervous to have company. After the trainer, he was great and very patient with both kids. You also have to train your kids, too. Don't let them treat him like a toy, make sure they do 'nice hands.' They seem to get along with each other. I just feel bad that now that the kids are starting sports, he doesn't get as much time. I honestly probably won't get another dog until my kids are way older when I can give one a lot of time."

—dellarock

17."We got our dog at 8 weeks old 10 years ago as a rescue. He never liked kids, but we thought having a sibling and watching my wife go through pregnancy would change that. When our son was born, our dog was very interested but gentle; however, once our son became active and moving around, the shit hit the fan. Growling would be constant from our dog, even if our son was not doing anything to the dog. One day, our son and my wife were on the floor, and my dog was at my feet. Our son crawled past him, and my dog lunged and tried to bite his face. My wife luckily grabbed our son, and no injuries happened, but we basically made the decision right then and there to re-home our dog. If anyone has ever tried to do this, you know how difficult it can be."

18."When our first was born, we had two beagles. One took a curious interest for a couple of days. He would cautiously approach and sniff and sit and stare at the baby. But the novelty wore off, and he was back to being his beagle self. The other ignored our son until he reached over one day (not on purpose), and his hand touched her fur. He started petting (investigating the softness as newborns are wont to do). She started to nudge him for pets after, and he was generally very gentle for an infant. They really became interested when our son started eating solid food, and he really enjoyed watching them gobble up all his food droppings. They were all best buds after that."

—bmw1138

19."Maybe I am one of the outliers, but I found myself with a lot less affection to give to my pets once I had babies. It's like I only had so much affection and love to give, and once my kids were born, it all went to them. I still care about my pets and want them to have the best lives possible, but I just don't find myself craving or needing as much affection or attention from them. Luckily I have cats, so they handled the increased distance well. If I had a dog, I would not have been able to give them the amount of attention or time they needed after my kids came along. Also, as a parent, you have so little personal space, and sometimes it feels like you are constantly being touched. It's honestly nice for me not to constantly have a living creature up in my grill wanting to share my space."

20."Listen — it's amazing and beautiful watching your fur babies grow up with your human babies. But it's hard. I was your ultimate dog lover, got three dogs before having kids. Now, the dogs are getting older and are seniors. With two young kids, it's tough — the dogs, for example, have accidents in the house more frequently, and I find myself resenting them, and it makes me feel horrible. I know they can't help it, but my energy and patience just aren’t where they used to be. When you're running on three hours of sleep because your baby was up sick last night, the last thing you want to do is clean up your dog's diarrhea. I feel like I'm spread too thin and not giving enough attention to them. I know they are all in their golden years, and I wonder sometimes if their last years on this earth would be more special if I didn’t have kids. I love having them, but a lot of times, I feel guilty that they aren’t getting what they used to from me."

21."We were nearing 40 when we brought our baby home into our formerly quiet, calm home. Our two cats were middle-aged and elderly. The elderly one was mildly interested, and the middle-aged one was terrified of the baby. We lost our old boy when the baby was just 4 months old, and lost the middle-aged cat to cancer two years later. We had done our best to give him enough attention and safe spaces in the house and all the after-bedtime cuddles, but he never truly lost his fear of small humans. Our two new cats do much better, but they still aren't snuggly best friends with the kid. I was careful to choose pets I thought could do well with a child, and we have worked extensively on how we treat pets with our daughter. However, toddler movements are just too wild for cats to really want to cuddle up with. It was hard to have to lose my 'cat lady' identity to motherhood."

22."The dog now follows my kids around, hoping they'll drop food, instead of following me around."

—robert_dunder

23."Cats can tell when a woman is pregnant because they can hear the baby's heartbeat. During my pregnancy, while living in rural Georgia, my two cats brought home many — and I mean many, many — dead mice. I guess they thought I needed the extra protein? Now that my daughter has arrived, my older Russian Blue cat has taken on the role of her protective 'uncle in the Bratva.' He watches over her, tolerates her nonsense (I've seen him in a tiara), and is highly suspicious of all babysitters until he deems them trustworthy. My other cat, however, still leaves the room when she enters. We joke that he's 'childless by choice.' But the joke's on him; we now foster kittens, socializing them to be comfortable around toddlers and preparing them for forever homes with kids. I love my furballs and love that they're here to help give my daughter a big, messy, happy, and animal-loving childhood."

24."My cat has always been a big cuddler, especially with me, but after my daughter was born, I really couldn't stand to have her lying on me. I spent so much time with a newborn lying on me and needing me that I couldn't handle another creature wanting that physical touch, attention, and affection. My cat started spending more time with my spouse, whereas before, she'd always preferred me. I don't remember how long this lasted, and we're in a good place now — but I'd say she's still not as affectionate and cuddly with me as she was before. My daughter is 4 now, and she and my cat are best friends, so I hope that makes up for some of it."

—Anonymous, Toronto, ON

25."It was an easy transition for us! We had three cats, and they were all fascinated by the baby. They would take turns keeping me company during nighttime feedings! My biggest tip would be to go slowly and let the (well-supervised) pets investigate the baby in their own time — don’t push anything."

—khandcock

26."We have two dogs, a Labrador and a rescue that is some kind of Pomeranian mix. Even though they were technically 'our' dogs, the Lab always favored my husband and the Pom favored me. Then our first son was born. We thought our lovable, goofy Lab would adore the baby, and were prepared to keep an eye on the temperamental Pom. In reality? Our Lab showed (and still shows) little to no interest in our son, while our Pom became obsessed."

27."We have a dog that is super anxious. We had him from a puppy, and we put in a lot of work to have him function normally, training, exercise, behaviorists, and so on. Two kids later, the dog definitely doesn't get as much attention as he needs. While we do what we can, and he has a daily session with a dog walker, we feel that we do the bare minimum for him. He is, of course, fed, looked after, walked, exercised, trained, and has his safe space, but we do not devote as much time to him as we'd like or as he would really need to flourish. We simply don't have the time and energy. We're heartbroken because we don't feel like we are giving him the care he actually needs, but we also know that no one else would take this very loving but definitely troubled doggo. Giving him away to a kennel is not an option, but feeling like we're failing him and hoping that as the kids get older, we will have more time and energy for him also doesn't feel fair."

—Anonymous

Did your relationship with or feelings for your pet change after you brought home a new baby? Tell us how in the comments below, or with this anonymous form.