Sorry, Gwyneth Paltrow - but sharing a bed is one of life's greatest pleasures
The first few times I stayed over at my boyfriend's house I did not sleep a single wink.
This was due to, er, obvious activities, but also because it was just all so exciting. To be alone together for a full eight hours straight with all that time to chat and cuddle? It was like Christmas.
After a period of singledom, I did not, and still do not, take this closeness for granted. Sharing a bed is one of life's true pleasures. I remember my grandad telling me it was so important to him to sleep in the same bed as my granny that when he couldn't anymore, it would be his time to shuffle off this mortal coil.
Sharing a bed
Why is it so special to share a bed? Because it's where you get to bond mentally and physically. In a relaxed setting, under a 10-tog duvet, with cosy lighting and enveloping fabrics.
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It's where communication happens, where you are reassured by each other's physical presence and not distracted by seeing the washing up in the sink. Therapists say sleeping side by side releases happy hormones, increases communication and decreases anxiety.
Which is why it has always been thought sleeping apart is detrimental to a relationship. A sign things are going wrong.
I reckon ideally, we'd all be spooning 365, but what happens if you are coupled up with a snorer? Or a duvet hogger? Someone who encroaches on your side till you must sleep balanced on the edge, teetering on the precipice? Or someone who likes to watch golf all hours? Or someone who wakes in the night and likes a chat?
What happens then?
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Introducing sleep divorce
Well for all of you, there is a growing number of people advocating the benefits of a sleep divorce. Which is where you retire to separate beds or bedrooms to get your zzzzs. The most recent celebrity to out themselves as a solo sleeping fan is Bette Middler, who says this is the secret to her long with marriage Martin Von Haselberg. This was necessitated because he snores.
In the past, Cameron Diaz has condoned such nocturnal habits. And of course, the royals have long done it. The pro separate beds brigade say separate slumbering is good for their relationships because a terrible night's sleep has a deleterious effect. Their argument is, who can be a loving and considerate partner when their R.E.M. is M.I.A.?
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Gwyneth Paltrow extols another benefit of sleeping apart. Thanks to childcare logistics, the entrepreneur used to spend only half the week in the same bed as her husband and she said it kept 'polarity' and 'freshness' in their relationship.
I spend only a few nights a week with my boyfriend and I think Gwynnie is right. I like the mix. But if, one day, we do end up making it a 365 habit I’m going to adopt the German tradition of one bed frame with two mattresses and two duvets. Apart, but still together. Perfect.
