Parents Are Sharing Where They Stand On 23 Of Today's Most Controversial Child-Raising Trends
Maybe you have kids of your own. Maybe some of your friends are starting to have kids. Or maybe you're an educator. If you spend any time around children, you're probably familiar with some parenting trends and hot topics. Well, over in the subreddit r/parenting, people started discussing the parenting trends they agree with and others they can't stand. Here are some of their opinions, including some thoughts from members of the BuzzFeed Community.
1."Gentle parenting, but in its proper form. It should be, 'I know you are mad that we have to leave the park now, but we are still leaving in 5 minutes to go home for dinner; you can do the slide one more time.' It's not just giving in to doing whatever a kid wants to do. It's valid that the kid is mad, the emotion makes sense, you give a small compromise if acceptable but still set the boundary and stick with it! Kids need to hear no."
2."An attitude of, 'I'm the parent, so I'm right.' I do not in any way mean to coddle your kids. I am all for setting well-defined and well-explained boundaries. Kids should never be unsure about why they are being punished, and the punishment needs to be tailored to each kid to suit their age. It's all about making sure your kid understands the rules and talking it out if they disagree with something. Respecting and listening to your kid is a good way to get respect and understanding back."
3."Not ever believing the teacher when it comes to your child. 'My kid never lies to me.' Seriously. Parents absolutely should be their kids' biggest supporters. But support sometimes means holding the kid responsible when they don't do the right thing."
4."My wife and I are basically neighborhood pariahs because we allow our children to ride their bikes around our quiet, low-crime suburban town. I've had a parent tell me he won't allow his son to come over without him because I might do something crazy, like let them shoot hoops on the basketball net out front without standing there watching them. Children need a little bit of freedom. You can't be expected to make grown-up decisions when you have never had the opportunity to make child decisions."
5."Denying your kid any negative experiences or emotions. This does not work in the long run. Emotions are a normal part of being a person. Teach them to handle negative emotions before you send them out into a world they are unprepared to handle."
6."Leashing your kids. My daughter goes on a leash because she's a runner and has taken off on me more than once. Most of the time, she DOES NOT want to be in her stroller. Am I gonna carry her everywhere? No, she wears her little backpack (that she LOVES), gets to run around to her little heart's content, and I get my sanity. Anyone who'd judge a parent for making their kid happy and keeping them safe is an idiot. Talk to me when your 16-month-old has darted out from between parked cars or taken off in a crowd the second you put them down."
7."Nonstop supervision. Hovering over them at every turn. Whatever happened to tossing them in a play area in another room and letting them create, explore, and get the occasional bumps?"
8."Making your child terrified to fail. I remember constantly being told that if I ever got a 'C' or below on something as minor as a pop quiz, I would be 'flipping burgers for a living.' I was so unmotivated to try by the time high school came because it had been drilled into me that I was destined to be a loser."
9."Implying things rather than giving kids deadlines. My stepmother was terrible about this. For example, she would tell me to fold the laundry 'when I felt like it' and then be mad at me because it still wasn't folded three hours later. Well, duh, I didn't feel like it. She would've had better results with, 'I need you to fold this laundry before 4:00.' That gives a kid a bit of autonomy while also setting a clear deadline for the task in question, not to mention that managing your time to meet deadlines is an important life skill."
10."Talking about emotions is a great thing. Kids are allowed to have and show emotions now and can not only name and identify them but learn to work through them, even with each other. I've seen a group of nine-year-old boys have an honest discussion about how the actions of others make them feel and how best to respond."
11."Over-scheduling activities. When I was teaching, I remember my kindergartners telling me they had no time to play because every day consisted of non-stop structured sports, dance, and such."
12."Parents who set stringent rules in general. A childhood friend came over after school once and said he had to be home by 6 p.m. I didn't think much of it, so we lost track of time playing games. He lived about a ten-minute walk up the street, and he noticed it was 5:52, then started freaking out. 'My dad's gonna kill me if I'm late!' I tried saying he wouldn't care about two minutes. The next day in school, my friend said he wasn't allowed over at my house anymore, and I never hung out with him again, all over this kid being two minutes late getting home."
13."I've been a nanny, and the biggest grievance I have with how kids are raised is that when they pitch a fit or do something wrong, parents will say 'no tablet' or 'no park,' etc, then almost immediately give in and give the kid what they want. The kid quickly learns that bad behavior has no consequences, and they can get whatever they want if they scream loud enough. When I'm in charge of the kids, I try hard to let my yes mean yes and my no mean no. Kids must learn consequences, but I empathize with parents giving in. An irrational, screaming child is almost impossible to reason with, but it still pains me when I see kids openly manipulating their parents and the parents rolling over. I worry about how the kids will turn out."
14."Helicopter parenting is a real negative. Kids need the freedom to explore the world, get dirty, and engage in free play. I am not advocating putting the child outside on a Saturday morning and telling them to come home when the street lights come on, but an age-acceptable level of freedom."
15."I used to think I wouldn't let my kid cry in a restaurant, and for the most part, I'd take her outside when she was small, but then I just started working on trying to get her calmed down before I'd grab her and run out the door at the slightest cry. I understand that it can irritate other diners, and I wouldn't have just let her scream for the whole meal. Also, I didn't see the point in running out just because she was fussing. She's a human child; it's not her fault she's unhappy, and if I could cry in public without being judged, I probably would!"
16."Not setting clear boundaries. You are the adult, not the kid. Children benefit so much more from clear rules and consequences."
17."Not allowing your kids a degree of privacy. My parents took the door to my room when I was a teenager. It's normal for teenagers to pull away from their parents; I guess this wasn't acceptable to her, and she wanted to keep an eye on me at all times. I still have severe issues relating to this one action. This is after years of therapy and no contact. To anyone considering this as some form of "punishment," let me stop you. Nothing will get your child to disown you faster than not giving them privacy."
18."Letting other adults correct your child. (Not ALL adults. Not ANY adult. Obviously.) Your child needs to be able to take direction and correction from others their entire lives, starting with teachers, babysitters, and friends. You WANT your friend to grab the market from your kid's hand before he writes on your new table. And you WANT your child to listen to that friend when they instruct them not to run into the street."
19."I’m a nanny and work in daycare. For me, one issue is late potty training. Waiting to potty train a child is more and more common. Which I generally agree with. Wait until they’re two and a half or three and knock it out. Some take longer; some are probably ready earlier. It's better than rushing it and causing issues. But what this has turned into is not potty training. I nanny a four-year-old who is still in pull-ups. She is more than capable of using the potty. Our four-year-old classroom just installed a diaper genie because so many four-year-olds are starting preschool in diapers. My best friend, a kindergarten teacher, had two kids start kindergarten in diapers."
20."Extended breastfeeding. I was a hostess at a restaurant in high school, and a woman openly breastfed her toddler, and I hardcore judged her. If the kid can walk, talk, and ask for it, they are too old. Well, here I am, still breastfeeding my almost 3-year-old. I never wanted to breastfeed this long, and I wanted to be done a long time ago. I tried to cut him off, and he did good, except he would not sleep without it. I tried for two days and spent hours fighting him to sleep. I cried because I was so tired. So I gave it back, and he was asleep in 10 minutes, and I will likely be breastfeeding until kindergarten."
—Anonymous
21."The 'bulldozer parent.' In other words, the parent who removes all obstacles/challenges from a child’s life so they don’t learn about perseverance, problem-solving, failure, and learning from mistakes. Being a bulldozer parent for your kids turns them into highly anxious people."
22."Not saying 'no' to your child. I’m a high school counselor, and it’s very apparent to me that some kids never hear no and that a 14-year-old is running the household."
23."Tring to be your kid's friend and not a parent. A parent is there to provide guidance and responsible behavior to model. Yes, sometimes making their actions have consequences, and setting boundaries can be difficult, and they'll not be too happy with you. That's part of the job. Ultimately, that will result in a healthier relationship than being the "cool" permissive parent. I've seen results of that style of (not) parenting with unfortunate outcomes."
Do you have something to add? Tell us where you stand on a controversial parenting trend. Drop your thoughts into the comments or in this anonymous form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
