"He Told Me To Chill": This Woman Suspected That Her Boyfriend Was About To Cheat With His Co-Worker, So She Did What Probably Any Woman Would Do
Cheating is one of the most hurtful things someone can experience in a relationship. Whether someone is blindsided by being told by their partner (or the person they're cheating with) or they found out after doing a bit of snooping, it's all very hurtful.
In the r/relationship_advice subreddit, this OP (original poster) shared how she had an inkling that her boyfriend might cheat on her with his coworker. The OP took it upon herself to message the coworker she was suspicious of and ask her questions. Here's the full story:
"I, 28F, visited my boyfriend's, 28M, office because I had an appointment nearby. As I was about to enter the building, I saw him with a coworker. He pretended he didn't see me, but we met each other's eyes. I thought it was one of those walking meetings where they take walks while having discussions, so I didn't think anything of it. When I asked him who he was with, he said it was a work friend named Addy (fake name). I remembered an Addy popping up on his Instagram notifications before, so I asked if it was the same person and why he hadn't told me anything about a new work friend, as we know each other's friends. He told me to chill and that if I'm thinking of something malicious, I should know that she is not his type."
The OP explained that she asked if she could see what they were chatting on Instagram about, and her boyfriend said she was being toxic and invading his privacy. "He told me that he needed some time alone, so I had to stay at my parents' house. We love each other, by the way. I said no, but he said he needed to think, and being by himself makes him think more clearly," she wrote.
The OP continued by writing, "Fast forward to today, two weeks after the incident, we went to a party, and he got so drunk that I had to walk him from the car to our bed. As I was about to get in bed myself, his phone popped up with a notification saying, 'You up?' It was from the girl named Addy."
"I read the messages, and it turns out that they saw each other after work to 'see the city lights, watch a movie, and play minigolf.' That night, he asked me to stay at my parents' house. The messages also indicated that he picked her up from her place. She doesn't know that we're together, maybe because from her online profiles, she seems very religious and set on her values," she explained.
The OP went on to write, "I messaged her. I told her I was my boyfriend's girlfriend and sent photos of my boyfriend and me with timestamps on them. I told her I knew when they went out and asked her not to message my boyfriend until I figured everything out. She never responded but removed my boyfriend from her followers a few minutes later. I'm scared about what could happen if he finds out what I did, and we may break up. I don't even know if he's cheating. He downplayed it last time by saying, 'You can have a guy work friends, but I can't?' I don't really know what to believe. Please help. I now regret messaging Addy. I am typing all of this at 4 a.m. I don't know what will happen when he finds out."
The OP provided two updates: "Addy replied 'Hi, he didn't say that he has a girlfriend. As far as I know, we hung out twice, but it was just casual, friendly hanging out. The first time we hung out was because I wanted to try this particular restaurant, and he offered to take me, and the second was just for a coffee. You don't have to worry about me. It was a friendly hangout until the end. Now he was moving with advance, but I didn't accept. I feel bad for you; I'm sorry this happened; I wouldn't have gone out with him if I knew that he had a girlfriend and what he was doing. Now that I know, I won't be associating with him anymore.'
I asked if they saw the city lights and did mini golf, etc, and she said, 'He asked for a kiss at our last meeting, and I rejected him. Also, you're welcome.'"
Eek, that was a doozy! So the question at hand is if this OP is the asshole for messaging the coworker? Reddit had a lot to say, and I agree with all of them.
This person said what everyone is thinking.
"It sounds like he took Addy on a date. Just dump him and move on, don’t message the other woman anymore because she’s not the issue. Your (hopefully soon-to-be ex) boyfriend is."
Yes to this advice!!
"He is definitely cheating, and sweetie, it is way past time you dumped him and moved on to someone better. He was so comfortable with this I would bet this isn't his first time cheating. Please respect yourself. Don't beg for crumbs of affection from a liar and cheater. You are better than this. Move to your parent's house. Ghost him. Find a REAL man — not this pathetic boy."
This person brought up a very valid point.
"If Addy deleted him from Instagram, it’s safe to assume that Addy thought they were dating. Therefore, she likely didn’t even know about you. He was cheating, for sure. I’d move out in the middle of the night without a word. He will act like he has no idea why, but he will know."
Lastly, this commenter told the OP the hard truth about the situation.
"He took her on dates while you stayed at your parent's house. He probably took her back to your home and slept with her, and he would have been telling her he was single. When the truth came out, she realized he was a cheater, so she removed him. Ditch the scumbag and find someone who will respect you."
What are your thoughts on this situation? Since we know the girlfriend isn't the a**hole, do you think the boyfriend or Addy is? Share all your thoughts with me in the comments below!
