Divorced Women Revealed Why Their Split From Their Exes, And Their Stories Are 200% Valid
Over on Reddit, divorced women of the community are answering the question, "When did you realize your marriage was officially over?"
They got right down to it and confessed their heartbreaking and intense stories. Marriages aren't easy, and these women have unfortunately experienced the worst of it.
So, here are some valid reasons why women divorced their partners:
Note: Some submissions include topics of domestic abuse and body-shaming. Please proceed with caution.
1."A nurse in the hospital said to me, 'I think you're afraid of him. We can ban him from coming to the hospital.' It sounded so nice of her to say. I immediately started crying and nodding. She brought me some printed material from the local women's shelter, and one page was labeled 'abuse checklist.' There was a short paragraph that I skipped, then a list of '20 hallmarks of abuse.' I got to the end of the list and felt weird because I only checked off 18 out of 20, so I wasn't being abused. Then I went back and read the paragraph I skipped, and it said, 'If any single one of these is happening to you, you are being abused.' I knew right then I would never go back home."
2."It's interesting what breaks the camel's back. I spent years putting up with his affair, alcoholism, violent outbursts, and unemployment. I was young and took my vows very seriously, even if he didn't. I tried so hard to make it work and help him. But what made me call a divorce lawyer was this: I had gone to the gym in our apartment and ran on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I had never been able to do that before (I had undiagnosed asthma at the time, so that's why running was so hard). I came home and told him I was so proud of myself. He rolled his eyes and said running for 20 minutes isn't hard. That was it — that was the moment I was done. I put up with so much and supported him in so many ways, but he couldn't even say 'good job' to me over something so small. It was like the veil lifted, and I could see everything. I called a lawyer the next day."
3."I was ill with a condition that affected my vision, and I had to wear an eye patch. Per the doctor's orders, I needed to rest. I was also terrified about my health and doing poorly. However, my husband was used to me taking care of everything or at least holding his hand through everything. So when he broke his glasses at work, he needed me to go with him to the glasses store 30 minutes away to get a new pair because he couldn't handle this transaction on his own. It was rainy and cold, and I had zero depth perception. We had to wait for his glasses to be ready, so he made me walk around outside with him on the slippery sidewalks when I couldn't see well. I was miserable and cold. That's when I knew he was never going to shape up."
4."We were separated due to his repeated infidelity, but working on getting back together and restoring trust. At dinner, I was just about to ask him to move back in but something told me to check his phone. A woman had messaged him that week asking if I was his wife/if he was married, and he said 'no.' Something in me broke, and I realized he would never change — he would always be a liar and a cheater. He was still entertaining women while begging me to take him back and promising to do better. I decided that was the last time I was going to let myself be punched in the gut by his betrayal. It was hard, but it was the right choice, and I’m now happily re-married!"
5."It was right after my dad died. The day my dad’s ashes were delivered, he came home and told me I was ruining his life because I was 'sad all the time.' Then, during my dad’s funeral, he said he was only there because he had to be and that he would much rather be somewhere else. He spent the night after the funeral bar hopping with a woman he’d had a crush on, leaving me at home alone. A few days later, he said that I had to let him sleep with other people or else he was going to file for divorce. So, I filed instead. Easiest decision of my life."
6."Nine years married, one house, no kids, and many attempts on my part to address the issues in our marriage. I moved into the guest room after more than a year of zero intimacy. Three months later, I asked him why he never asked about me moving into the guest room or even attempted to discuss our marriage. He just got frustrated that I even brought it up. I responded by saying I'd never bring it up again and hired a divorce lawyer the next day. Easiest decision I've ever made, but only after many years of frustration, depression, and self-doubt. 10/10 would do again — my only regret is not divorcing him sooner."
7."When I would take extra shifts at work so I wouldn’t have to go home and deal with him. The tension in our house from all the things we didn’t know how to say was unbearable."
8."When, during an argument, he told me my feelings didn’t matter. I told him how much it hurt me, and instead of apologizing, I just got an 'I didn’t mean it' from him. He was proud of the fact that in 17 years, he had never apologized to me. I walked out two years ago. It’s been hard, but I’m coming out the other side now and still regret not having walked out sooner. I grew up with the 'you made your bed, so you got to lie in it' notion being told to me. I thought I had to stay come hell or high water."
9."When his girlfriend got pregnant (we didn't have an open marriage, so I didn't know about the girlfriend). This was during the time our one-year-old daughter was recovering from a major surgery. He was a jerk."
10."When my daughter brought my granddaughter home from the hospital, I stopped by her house after work (she lived five minutes from my office but in the opposite direction from my house). My ex confronted me about it when I got home and asked how often I planned on doing that. I said every day. He blew up about the gas usage in my car and told me I could only go there every other weekend. He had already isolated me from my adult children, and I realized I wasn't going to allow him to cut me out of my grandchildren's lives as well. It still took me eight more months to leave, but that was the beginning of the end. My daughter and I got an apartment together, and now I see my granddaughter every day!"
11."My ex-husband begged me to stay with him after cheating. I went through some therapy and decided to try to work through it. He told me that if I ever cheated on him, he would leave me. I was done as soon as that sentence left his mouth."
12."I was eight and a half months pregnant and told him my blood pressure was high and I was at risk of preeclampsia (again). I asked him not to do anything to upset me or stress me for the remainder of the pregnancy. I told him my life was at risk and the baby's life was at risk. He said he understood. But then he stole money from my bank account three days later. When I asked what he had done with my money, his words were verbatim, 'Wouldn't you like to know.' He'd been awful to me the entire pregnancy, but I thought learning about my actual delicate condition would make him stop. It didn't."
"I realized this was his way of telling me he did not care if I was alive or dead (as well as our baby). I realized that if a man treats you this way when you're eight and a half months pregnant with his child, this never ever ends. He'll treat you this way even if you have cancer.
I asked for a divorce when the baby was one month old. 10 years and nine days ago today."
13."Our marriage counselor asked us to set a regular date night, one day a week where we'd do something special together to reconnect. My ex-husband could never pick a day. I offered to make any day work that was good for him, but he straight-up said, 'What if something better comes up on that day?' I didn't give up. I reassured him that we could reschedule as needed if things came up on our date night that he'd rather do. He still couldn't commit, got this deer-in-the-headlights look, and refused to schedule even one day to spend with me. It was almost funny how scared he looked — the only time I can remember him feeling fear instead of instigating it."
"But it really drove home to me that he saw me as his absolute lowest priority, and the sad thing was, in that moment, I realized I'd made myself my lowest priority, too.
The counselor and I had a good, long look at each other, and neither of us had to say a word. We both knew it was over. It took a little longer to convince my ex that I was serious, though."
14."He was finally home after several weeks working on the road. He had gained about 75 pounds that year. In the middle of having sex, he rolled over and said, 'You're just 'too fat' to fuck anymore.' My weight had not changed in two years."
15.And finally, "I [actually] knew the day we got married. On our way back down the aisle, when people were leaning out of their pews saying ‘smile’ to me, I just wanted to cry. It was the worst year and nine months of my life. I had to get away. He gaslit and lied to me for eight years before we got married. I had no self-worth, and three months before we got married, when I said I didn’t think we should get married, he said, ‘I can’t be bothered to find anyone else, and you’ll NEVER find anyone else.' I'm glad I escaped."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
