Canadian TV host Chloe Wilde says she began to 'dread' breastfeeding and pumping milk for her 6-month-old son 'I felt like a failure'
'We’ve always supplemented with formula and now we will do it exclusively while I try to regain a relationship with myself and my body,' she said.
Chloe Wilde is getting candid about her struggles with breastfeeding. On Thursday, the "Etalk" host shared an Instagram Reel giving her followers a glimpse into the internal conflict surrounding her decision to stop breastfeeding her son, Grey, at six months postpartum.
The mom-of-one reflected on the challenges and mixed emotions of choosing to no longer breastfeed in the video's on-screen message, writing, "POV: you make the decision to stop breastfeeding at six months postpartum and you're a mess even though you know it's time, but then you worry, 'Is it time?' and then you think about how much you want to stop then you get even more emotional about it."
In the caption, she confessed her experience breastfeeding was less than ideal. "I hated breastfeeding, " she wrote. "I wanted to love it....While I couldn’t believe that milk came out of me, I struggled to enjoy it."
The Canadian TV personality recalled her son having very little interest in eating when he was first born. Wilde said she would feed her son for 45 minutes to an hour “only to cry in hunger 15 minutes later.”
“It was all consuming and I felt like a failure," she admitted, adding that Grey "struggled" to get back to his birth weight and Widle found it uncomfortable to express milk while recovering from a c-section. "We did the lactation consultant visit and it helped but at that point I needed something different for myself, my baby and my family."
Although pumping milk made it easier for her to share feeding duties with her partner, Ben, and track Grey' milk intake, it also took it's toll.
"It was incredible and exhausting. I felt no shame pumping in Ubers, restaurants, on walks, at art galleries, concerts, you name it. If I was out, there was a 90 per cent chance I’d have my pump in my bag," she said. "But the past month something shifted and I started to dread the whole ordeal."
Wilde she's made the decision to stop breastfeeding and pumping and is determined to celebrate her journey and experience, while saying farewell to the sounds of the breast pump.
"We’ve always supplemented with formula and now we will do it exclusively while I try to regain a relationship with myself and my body. Plus my nipples need a break," she said. "PS: fed is best, do whatever feels right mama - you have my full support."
In the comments, Wilde's post was met with fans who lauded her for her honesty, especially considering the stigma associated with formula feeding.
Canadian mom and influencer Sarah Nicole Landry — better known as The Birds Papaya — chimed in, saying, "I’m so proud of you. So many feelings of both/and around this. I felt them too. Love you."
"Girl you’ve got this. When I stopped breastfeeding at eight weeks postpartum... motherhood became so much lighter. I spent my day playing with my babe instead of stressing over pumping, feeding, washing pump parts, repeat. You know what’s best for you, and your little guy," an Instagram user shared.
"[Women] are so judged for what we do what we don’t do how long we do it or not doing it. Your baby needs you to be healthy, and your experiences and decisions are nothing you should ever have to defend. Hang in there, mama. You know you best," someone else wrote.
"You have nothing to feel guilty for. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding. Neither you nor your baby are missing out on anything magical and your son is going to grow up just the same — loved and healthy. Thank you for sharing!," a fan commented.
Earlier this month, Wilde shared another part of her motherhood journey she struggled to enjoy; the fertility process. Wilde and her husband were unable conceive naturally for years before finding success with IVF.
"I vividly remember struggling to feel joy during our fertility journey and as a result, I think I missed out on a lot of my life during those few years, functioning on auto-pilot just to get through it all," she explained.
She admitted if she could go back, she would try to appreciate even the harder moments: "I'd tell myself to find the good, even in the struggle. We can't let the struggle get all the power, we need to own it and still find little moments of hope, of joy, of levity, of silliness."
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