'Am I the a--hole if I don't go to my sister's wedding?': Our editors weigh in on a pricey wedding conundrum
Would you dip into your savings to spend $6,000 to attend a wedding to a sibling you're not close with?
Is family obligated to attend a destination wedding — especially if they aren’t necessarily close with their sibling getting married? That’s the central issue of one Redditor’s post that’s sparked debate online — and amongst Yahoo Canada’s team of editors.
In a recent post to Reddit's "Am I the A—hole?" messageboard, a 36-year-old man asked whether or not he and his husband should attend his sister’s destination wedding in Mexico in March 2025. Attending the wedding would come with a hefty price tag — approximately $6,000.
“This is uncomfortably expensive for us,” he wrote. “We have the money, but it would have to come from our emergency fund, and it would take us a while to save that money again.”
According to the man, his mother “made it clear” she expects the him and his husband to attend.
“She said she and my dad could cover part of the cost, but I don’t feel comfortable accepting that,” he said.
The man said that he and his sister are “cordial but not close” and can go years without seeing each other in person. “We do occasionally exchange messages and memes,” he added.
He did note that his sister attended his city hall wedding and it was a “happy accident” that she happened to be in town, since she lives far away.
“I feel like we’re being expected to spend a lt of money that we never normally would just due to family obligation/expectation,” he said, adding that he fears he’ll garner “pushback” or “disappointment” from his family if they don’t go.
The situation prompted lots of discussion amongst our team of editors.
Keep reading to see what we had to say about the situation.
Hilary Hagerman, Lifestyle & Commerce Managing Editor
This is a tough one. Deciding to go to a destination wedding is complex enough without the added family layer in the poster's situation. As someone who’s both attended destination weddings and turned them down, I think the Redditor is totally within their rights to take a pass. Personally, I would accept financial help from my parents if they really wanted me there, but I think an honest conversation could also convey the issues the poster has with feeling like they’re disappointing their family if they don’t attend.
Plus – from my experience, those having a destination wedding understand not everyone can afford it (or get the time away or…want to go). If this creates any longer-standing rifts, I’d probably take it as a sign that those people don’t deserve much of a place in my life, anyway.
Sarah Rohoman, Shopping Editor
He's definitely not in the wrong if he doesn't go to his sister's wedding. Destination weddings are incredibly pricey and a huge time commitment! If it was really important to his sister that he be at the wedding, she should have first checked that he would be willing and able to attend.
My fiancé and I are actually in the middle of planning a destination wedding, and I absolutely understand and have no hard feelings towards anyone who can’t come, no matter what the reason is! I’d definitely be disappointed if certain people couldn’t make it, but I’d never hold it against them.
Elizabeth Di Filippo, Senior Lifestyle Editor
I feel like I'm often the "mean mom" in these situations, but I think he should just admit to himself that he doesn't want to go to the wedding.
Listen, I agree, the price tag is steep for a family wedding but people who choose to have destination weddings know that there's a good chance at least half of their guest list won't be able to attend. However, it seems like if he wanted to go to the wedding — and it was really just about money — he would since there are options available to him. He could go by himself and save $3,000 or he could go alone and accept his parent's help to contribute financially so that he can be there for his sister's wedding day.
If you're going to decline because of money — that's one thing and completely understandable. But judging from the fact that he stated that said he's not close with his sister, it seems as though he's looking for a way to alleviate his guilt of not wanting to go. That doesn't make you a bad person to not want to go to your sister's wedding, but standing in that truth will help when his mom comes knocking on his door with a family-size guilt trip.
Melina Brum, Shopping Editor
Based on the various factors in this situation, I'd definitely say this person is not in the wrong if they don't go to the wedding. I feel like it's pretty widely known that destination weddings are optional, as they are a huge expense — and that in itself is enough reason to validate that this person is not in the wrong.
If you're going to go into debt (or dip into emergency savings, in this case), then you simply cannot afford to go, and that's not your fault. However, if I were in this situation, I'd probably take my parents' offer to cover some costs. That said, there are many factors here that seem to make him uncomfortable, which plays into his decision, and that's totally fair.
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