Yahoo Finance Divorce left Lauren at 'rock bottom': How single mum went from 'powerless' to six-figure salary
After finding herself divorced and financially unstable, this single mum took matters into her own hands. Here's how she did it.
When Australian Lauren found herself overseas, facing a divorce and raising two young children on her own, she hit rock bottom – struggling with her finances and her mental health.
Returning to Brisbane with her children after her marriage to their Austrian father broke down, Lauren, who only wanted to be identified by her first name, moved in with her parents and tried to rebuild her life as a single mum, which – as anyone who has been through a tough divorce would know – is a rocky road to navigate, particularly if you're in a financial hole.
“My ex moved to Melbourne, but he couldn’t get a job as his qualifications were not recognised here,” she told Yahoo Finance. “I was 33 and found myself living back with my parents, unable to move out and paying a fortune to day care so I could go to work. Most of my income went to childcare.
“For a long time, I felt like I had failed as an adult and as a parent. I couldn’t provide for my children outside of living with my parents. I felt a lot of shame, it really impacted my mental health at the time.”
Do you have a story to tell? Contact yahoo.finance.au@yahooinc.com
According to research from life insurance company TAL, 58 per cent of Aussies say money troubles impact their mental wellbeing and 47 per cent say financial worries affect their physical health. Worryingly, 90 per cent of Aussies with poor financial health say their mental wellbeing is negatively impacted by financial stress.
This certainly rings true for Lauren who said, while she was “privileged” to have family able to help after she returned to Australia in 2015, her mental health suffered, she was prescribed anti-depressants and felt like a failure for ending up in such a dire situation.
RELATED:
How Jenny got 'instant' relief from 'toxic' illness half all Aussie workers face
Money expert's top tips to get in financial shape while not missing out
Mum decides to take money matters into own hands
Despite feeling like she had gone through life “doing everything right” – such as going to a good high school, university and forging a successful career – Lauren still “hit rock bottom” and following a “brief” relationship which ultimately ended, she decided to take matters into her own hands.
“It was the last straw,” the now 40-year-old told Yahoo. “I just finally got angry enough and I stopped being a self-pity party. I just got jack of feeling so powerless.
“I thought, ‘I cannot depend on anyone to get me out of this, I’ve got to get myself out of this – the only way something will change is if I do something.’”
As Covid hit, like many other, Lauren started furiously saving. She sought financial advice and read free online resources, approached friends and family for small loans, scraped together enough for a deposit on a unit and started to turn things around.
Eventually, she “had a bit of luck” and sold that property for a profit, bought a home with her now-partner, negotiated a large six-figure salary at her company and is thriving – a world away from where she once was.
“Do not be afraid to ask for help from people,” she said. “And, when people help you – acknowledge them.”
Breaking the psychology behind 'money mistakes'
Senior financial adviser Cara Williams said there was a clear link between financial struggles and poor mental health, as a person’s internal dialogue around money usually started in childhood and could create psychological patterns that were hard to break.
For instance, someone could become “financially avoidant” – afraid to even look at their bank balance – if they had parents who argued about money, but she said shifting your thoughts, forgiving past mistakes and engaging with your finances had hugely positive effects.
“Financial independence in a relationship is really important,” she told Yahoo Finance. “It’s healthy to have conversations about money when you are both transparent about your goals.
“Often, it’s about trying to change your ‘money story’. Money and finances can cause a lot of emotional stress for people, so it's important to seek advice and seek help.”
The best place to start, Williams said, often depended on your own situation. If you’re overloaded with debt or facing bankruptcy, a financial counsellor could help. Or if you're a position to grow your wealth or want to achieve more with your money, then a financial adviser would be useful.
“You don’t have to change everything at once,” she told Yahoo. “Things take time. You also need to be compassionate with yourself. Start with where you are now and think about where you want to be.”
Top tips to get into great financial shape:
Set up auto-pay systems for regular expenses to create healthy habits.
Look at your past – what financial mistakes did you make last year and what worked well?
Track your progress and make changes.
Seek professional help to change old patterns and use online resources such as moneysmart.gov.au.
Make realistic financial decisions based on what you want and what you can afford.
Pay fast and buy slow to keep on top of your money and avoid impulse purchases.
Guard your health and protect your wealth with personal insurance, estate planning and have three months of expenses saved in emergency funds.
Invest in yourself, your education and skills which could lead to better job opportunities.
Negotiate bills, interest rates and salaries regularly.
Consider small investments and tax benefits on voluntary super contributions.
If you are concerned about the mental health of yourself or a loved one, seek support and information by calling Lifeline 13 11 14, Mensline 1300 789 978, or Kids Helpline 1800 551 800.
If you're struggling with your finances, you can contact the National Debt Helpline on 1800 007 007 for free and confidential advice.
Follow Yahoo Finance on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our free daily newsletter.
